The bar chart below shows the estimated sales nationally of silver goods in ‘000s of units for two companies next year. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown.

The bar chart below shows the estimated sales nationally of silver goods in ‘000s of units for two companies next year.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown.

The bar chart forecasts the sales of silver goods for Meteor Products Ltd and Mark Jones Ltd for the upcoming year. The statistics of Meteor Product Ltd indicate an initial number of about 150,000 units and grows steadily to around 500,000 units by June after a slight fall in February. Similarly, Mark Jones Ltd, starting at 450,000 units and drops to 220,000 units in February but then rises gradually over the next four months. In the first six months, Mark Jones Ltd’s silver goods movement is predicted to be more volatile, increasing by about 250,000 units since February, while Meteor Product Ltd experienced a period of stability compared to Mark Jones Ltd. From June to August, Mark Jones Ltd's sales are projected to stabilize around 400,000 units, while Meteor Products Ltd's sales grow from 200,000 to 450,000 units. Meteor Products Ltd's sales are forecasted to stay flat at 500,000 units for three months before peaking at 600,000 units. Mark Jones Ltd is expected to experience significant growth, peaking at 900,000 units. Overall, both companies are projected to see an increase in sales.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart forecasts" -> "The bar chart predicts"
Explanation: "Predicts" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "forecasts" in this context, as it directly relates to the future sales data being presented.
"silver goods" -> "silver products"
Explanation: "Silver products" is a more specific and formal term than "silver goods," which could be vague and less precise in an academic context.
"grows steadily" -> "continues to increase steadily"
Explanation: "Continues to increase" is a more formal and precise way to describe ongoing changes in data over time.
"slight fall" -> "modest decline"
Explanation: "Modest decline" is a more formal and precise term than "slight fall," which is somewhat colloquial.
"drops" -> "decreases"
Explanation: "Decreases" is a more formal and neutral term than "drops," which can be seen as informal.
"increasing by about 250,000 units" -> "increasing by approximately 250,000 units"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise and formal than "about," which can be seen as vague in academic writing.
"Meteor Product Ltd" -> "Meteor Products Ltd"
Explanation: Corrects the typographical error in the company name.
"Meteor Products Ltd’s" -> "Meteor Products Ltd."
Explanation: Adds the possessive form correctly to maintain grammatical accuracy.
"sales are projected to stay flat" -> "sales are expected to remain steady"
Explanation: "Expected to remain steady" is a more formal and precise way to describe ongoing stability in sales data.
"peaking at 600,000 units" -> "reaching 600,000 units"
Explanation: "Reaching" is a more precise verb for describing the attainment of a specific level or quantity, fitting better in an academic context.
"peaking at 900,000 units" -> "reaching 900,000 units"
Explanation: Consistency in verb usage is maintained for clarity and formality.
"Overall, both companies are projected to see an increase in sales." -> "Overall, both companies are expected to experience an increase in sales."
Explanation: "Expected to experience" is a more formal and precise way to describe the anticipated outcome, enhancing the academic tone of the statement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the information shown in the bar chart. The essay presents information appropriately selected, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that Mark Jones Ltd’s sales are projected to stabilize around 400,000 units from June to August, but the chart shows that sales fluctuate during this period.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the key features of the data and providing more accurate information. For example, the essay could state that Mark Jones Ltd’s sales fluctuate between 400,000 and 500,000 units from June to August. The essay could also be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the data, such as by comparing the overall trends in sales for the two companies.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, demonstrating a clear overall progression. The writer effectively uses cohesive devices to link sentences and ideas, although there are instances where the cohesion feels mechanical or could be improved for clarity. Paragraphing is present, but the organization within paragraphs could be more logical, as some ideas are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 6 by arranging information coherently, but it lacks the sophistication and clarity required for a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas within paragraphs. This can be achieved by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences within the paragraph relate directly to that topic. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and avoiding repetitive phrases can help create a smoother reading experience. Finally, a more structured approach to paragraphing, perhaps by grouping related information together, would strengthen the overall organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It attempts to use some less common vocabulary, such as "volatile" and "stabilize," but there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and phrasing, such as "Meteor Product Ltd" instead of "Meteor Products Ltd." Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Meteor Product Ltd" being used inconsistently. While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the report.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring accurate word choice, particularly with company names and industry-specific terms. They should also aim to reduce spelling and grammatical errors, as well as enhance the sophistication of their language by incorporating more varied sentence structures and advanced vocabulary. Practicing with synonyms and collocations can help improve lexical resource and precision in conveying meanings.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The grammatical range is good, with a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "Meteor Product Ltd" instead of "Meteor Products Ltd," and "grows steadily" which could be more clearly expressed. These errors do not significantly hinder communication but indicate room for improvement in accuracy.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for minor errors and ensuring consistency in naming (e.g., using "Meteor Products Ltd" throughout). Additionally, incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and varying sentence beginnings could further improve the overall grammatical range and complexity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart forecasts the sales of silver goods for Meteor Products Ltd and Mark Jones Ltd for the upcoming year. The statistics for Meteor Products Ltd indicate an initial figure of about 150,000 units, which grows steadily to around 500,000 units by June after a slight decline in February. Similarly, Mark Jones Ltd starts at 450,000 units, drops to 220,000 units in February, but then rises gradually over the next four months. In the first six months, the sales movement of Mark Jones Ltd is predicted to be more volatile, increasing by about 250,000 units since February, while Meteor Products Ltd experiences a period of stability compared to Mark Jones Ltd. From June to August, Mark Jones Ltd’s sales are projected to stabilize around 400,000 units, while Meteor Products Ltd’s sales grow from 200,000 to 450,000 units. Meteor Products Ltd’s sales are forecasted to remain steady at 500,000 units for three months before peaking at 600,000 units. Mark Jones Ltd is expected to experience significant growth, peaking at 900,000 units. Overall, both companies are projected to see an increase in sales.