The bar chart shows the number of tourists visiting Country X from various parts of the world and the table displays the income of different businesses in the nation in 2007 and 2008.

The bar illustrates foreign tourist numbers to country X between 2007 and 2008, while the table gives informations about revenue data for tourism-related businesses during the same period.
Overall, there was a decrease in the number of visits to the country X in 2007 and 2008. Although, there was a slight decline in visitors from China, Japan combined, and Australia , there were significant drops in visitors from the US, Canada together, and Europe. This decline in the number of international tourists results in a monetary loss for all business in country X.
The combined visitors count from China, Japan and Australia was about 2.8 million in 2007, after which the figure for China, Japan experienced a decline to 2 million, while the figure for Australia went down slightly roughly to 2.5 million in 2008. In addition, similar changes can be seen in the figures for the US and Canada, along with Europe, which dropped from around 2 million to under 500 thousand and 1 million, respectively.
In 2019, the number of hotel and resort was the highest revenue, around $3.5 million, and this was followed by a sharp fall to 0.5 million in 2020. Similarly, the revenue for restaurants, bars, and souvenir shops reduced from $2.4 million to $1.2 million from 2019 to 2020. Finally, the revenue for mobility services and tour guides, small vendors, and other services started at $1.3 million and $1.4 million, respectively, before experiencing dramatic decreases to $0.4 million and $1.1 million, respectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"gives informations" -> "provides information"
Explanation: "Gives informations" is grammatically incorrect. "Provides information" is a more suitable and correct phrase.
"Although, there was a slight decline" -> "Although there was a slight decline"
Explanation: The comma after "Although" is unnecessary. Removing it improves the sentence’s flow and clarity.
"decline in visitors from the US, Canada together, and Europe" -> "decline in visitors from the US, Canada combined, and Europe"
Explanation: "Together" is redundant here. Using "combined" is more precise and clear.
"results in a monetary loss for all business" -> "results in a monetary loss for all businesses"
Explanation: "Business" should be in its plural form to match the plural subject "all businesses."
"China, Japan combined" -> "China, Japan combinedly"
Explanation: "Combined" should be changed to "combinedly" to correctly modify the group of countries.
"the figure for China, Japan experienced a decline" -> "the figure for China and Japan experienced a decline"
Explanation: Adding "and" clarifies that the decline was for both countries collectively.
"went down slightly roughly to 2.5 million" -> "decreased slightly to approximately 2.5 million"
Explanation: "Went down slightly roughly" is awkward. Replacing it with "decreased slightly to approximately" is more precise.
"similar changes can be seen in the figures for the US and Canada, along with Europe" -> "similar changes can be observed in the figures for the US, Canada, and Europe"
Explanation: The original sentence is somewhat unclear. This revision clarifies that the changes were observed in all three regions.
"highest revenue, around $3.5 million" -> "highest revenue, approximately $3.5 million"
Explanation: Adding "approximately" makes the statement more precise.
"followed by a sharp fall to 0.5 million" -> "followed by a sharp decline to 0.5 million"
Explanation: "Fall" should be replaced with "decline" for consistency and clarity.
"Similarly, the revenue for restaurants, bars, and souvenir shops reduced" -> "Similarly, the revenue for restaurants, bars, and souvenir shops decreased"
Explanation: "Reduced" can be replaced with "decreased" for variety and clarity.
"before experiencing dramatic decreases" -> "before experiencing a dramatic decrease"
Explanation: Adding "a" before "dramatic decrease" makes the sentence grammatically correct.
"to $0.4 million and $1.1 million, respectively." -> "to $0.4 million and $1.1 million, respectively, in 2020."
Explanation: Adding "in 2020" clarifies the timeframe for the revenue decrease.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

[
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by describing the main trends in tourist numbers to Country X and the revenue of businesses for 2007 and 2008. Key features such as the overall decrease in tourist numbers and the revenue changes for different business sectors are highlighted. However, there are some inaccuracies in the description, such as stating the year 2019 instead of 2007 and 2020 instead of 2008, and some details are irrelevant, such as mentioning the year 2019 and 2020 which are not part of the provided data.
How to improve: Ensure accuracy in reporting the provided data, stick strictly to the years mentioned in the prompt (2007 and 2008), and avoid including information not provided in the task prompt.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information about tourist numbers and revenue data for tourism-related businesses in Country X for the years 2007 and 2008. It maintains a general coherence and progression throughout, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The essay logically organizes information about tourist numbers and revenue data, providing a clear overview of the trends observed. There is an attempt at using cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect sentences and ideas, although some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion can be observed. For instance, transitions between sentences could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, while paragraphing is utilized, it is not consistently logical, with some paragraphs containing multiple ideas without clear separation.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on enhancing the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas logically throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph addresses a single main idea or aspect of the topic, and maintain a consistent organizational structure. Reviewing and revising the essay for clarity and coherence can help to strengthen these aspects and elevate the overall coherence and cohesion of the response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. There is an attempt to incorporate some less common vocabulary such as "illustrates" and "informations," although there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "informations" instead of "information." The essay effectively conveys the main points regarding the trends in tourist numbers and business revenue, but there are some instances of awkward phrasing and repetition, which slightly affect clarity.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and refining word choice for accuracy. Avoid awkward phrasing and repetition to enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, proofread for spelling and grammatical errors to ensure smoother communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a mix of sentence forms, incorporating some complex structures alongside simpler ones. There is an effort to present ideas with a degree of complexity, such as discussing changes over time and making comparisons between different regions. However, the accuracy of these complex sentences tends to be less consistent than simpler ones, leading to frequent grammatical errors. Punctuation is also faulty at times, which can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on refining complex sentence structures while ensuring accuracy and clarity. This could involve paying closer attention to subject-verb agreement, sentence cohesion, and proper punctuation usage. Additionally, expanding the range of sentence structures used can help elevate the overall quality of the essay. Practicing writing with varied sentence forms and seeking feedback on grammar and punctuation can aid in achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart displays the number of tourists visiting Country X from various parts of the world in 2007 and 2008, while the table presents the revenue generated by tourism-related businesses during the same period.

Overall, there was a decrease in the number of international tourists to Country X between 2007 and 2008, leading to a significant decline in revenue across tourism-related industries.

In 2007, the combined number of visitors from China, Japan, and Australia was approximately 2.8 million. By 2008, the number of tourists from China and Japan decreased to 2 million, while visitors from Australia dropped slightly to around 2.5 million. Similarly, the number of visitors from the US and Canada decreased from about 2 million in 2007 to below 500 thousand in 2008. Tourist numbers from Europe also dropped from around 1 million in 2007 to under 500 thousand in 2008.

This decline in tourists had a negative impact on the revenue generated by tourism-related businesses in Country X. In 2007, the revenue from hotels and resorts was the highest at approximately $3.5 million, but it decreased sharply to $0.5 million in 2008. Likewise, revenue from restaurants, bars, and souvenir shops fell from $2.4 million in 2007 to $1.2 million in 2008. Revenue from mobility services and tour guides, as well as small vendors and other services, also experienced dramatic decreases, from $1.3 million and $1.4 million in 2007 to $0.4 million and $1.1 million in 2008, respectively.