The chart and graph below give information about three categories of workers in Australia and the unemployment levels within those groups. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart and graph below give information about three categories of workers in Australia and the unemployment levels within those groups.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The provided chart and graph depict three categories of Australian workers and the unemployment rates within those groups.
Overall, it is evident in the pie chart that the people was born in Australia was the greatest workforce in this nation. Additionally, the graph witnessed all the categories of workers by place of birth (1993-2003), reducing the unemployment level.
Looking at the pie chart in more detail, the percentage of the workers born in Engligh-speaking countries other than Australia who engaged workforce in this country was the lowest at 10%. In contrast, Australian workers was the greatest workforce, at 76%, following by the figure for workers born in non-English-speaking countries.
As can be seen in the graph, all types of workers in Australia increased the chance to have a job. The percentage of NESC was the highest unemployment level through the period, which stood at 8% at the beginning and culminating at roughly 4%. In 1993, the figure for Australia category and ESC category made up 4%, before declined to 2% and 1.5%, respectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"the people was born" -> "individuals who were born"
Explanation: "the people was born" is grammatically incorrect; "individuals who were born" is a more precise and grammatically accurate phrase.
"English-speaking countries other than Australia who engaged workforce" -> "English-speaking countries other than Australia who participated in the workforce"
Explanation: "engaged workforce" is awkward phrasing; "participated in the workforce" is clearer and more formal.
"Australian workers was the greatest workforce" -> "Australian workers comprised the largest segment of the workforce"
Explanation: "Australian workers was" is incorrect subject-verb agreement; "comprised the largest segment of the workforce" is a more concise and precise expression.
"NESC" and "ESC" (used without prior explanation) -> "workers born in non-English-speaking countries" and "workers born in English-speaking countries"
Explanation: Using abbreviations without prior explanation can be confusing; expanding to the full terms clarifies the meaning for the reader.
"culminating at roughly 4%" -> "peaking at approximately 4%"
Explanation: "culminating" implies reaching a final point, which may not be accurate in this context; "peaking" is more suitable to describe the highest point.
"before declined to" -> "before declining to"
Explanation: "before declined to" is grammatically incorrect; "before declining to" is the correct form in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng:

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay presents some information about the categories of Australian workers and their unemployment rates, but the organization and coherence are lacking. There is a lack of clear progression in the response, with ideas presented in a somewhat scattered manner. While there is an attempt to use cohesive devices, they are often inaccurate or repetitive, impacting the clarity of the essay. Additionally, the paragraphing is inadequate, with unclear breaks between ideas.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay should be organized in a more logical manner, with clear progression from one idea to the next. Cohesive devices should be used more effectively and accurately to establish connections between sentences and ideas. Additionally, attention should be paid to paragraphing, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a central topic and that there are clear transitions between paragraphs. Finally, the essay should strive for accuracy and clarity in language use to avoid repetition and confusion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some errors in word choice and word formation. The writer attempts to convey information about the categories of workers and unemployment rates but struggles with clarity and precision due to repetitive language and errors.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using more varied expressions. Additionally, attention to word choice and accuracy in word formation would enhance clarity and coherence in the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but there are significant errors in grammar and punctuation throughout, which affect clarity and comprehension. The essay lacks consistency in sentence structure and fails to utilize a wide range of structures effectively. There are inaccuracies in the use of verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and word choice, such as "the people was born," "the percentage of the workers born," and "the chance to have a job." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and misuse of capitalization, are frequent and affect readability.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, and ensure correct grammar and punctuation usage. Proofreading the essay carefully to correct errors in subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation will enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, expanding vocabulary and refining word choice will contribute to a more sophisticated and accurate expression of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided chart and graph illustrate three categories of Australian workers alongside the corresponding unemployment rates within those groups.

Overall, the pie chart demonstrates that individuals born in Australia constitute the largest portion of the workforce in the nation. Additionally, the graph indicates a decrease in unemployment levels across all categories of workers by place of birth (1993-2003).

Examining the pie chart in greater detail, it is apparent that the proportion of workers born in English-speaking countries other than Australia who are engaged in the workforce in this country is the lowest, at 10%. Conversely, Australian-born workers represent the largest share of the workforce, at 76%, followed by individuals born in non-English-speaking countries.

Turning to the graph, it is notable that all types of workers in Australia experienced an increase in employment opportunities. The unemployment rate was highest among individuals born in non-English-speaking countries (NESC), starting at 8% in 1993 and gradually declining to approximately 4%. In 1993, both Australian-born and English-speaking countries (ESC) workers accounted for 4% of the unemployment rate before decreasing to 2% and 1.5%, respectively.