The chart below gives information about how people aged 25-34 are housed in the UK. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The chart below gives information about how people aged 25-34 are housed in the UK.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The bar chart illustrates how many people aged 25-34 who had have a house or rent in the Uk. Moreover, it shows this change over an eleven- year period.
The Number home owners with this age range has went up dramatically since 2004. Nearly 60% owned their own home in 2004, whereas in 2014 this decreased to under 40%. There was a gradual decrease in home ownership over the eleven-year period which was more vital from 2009 to 2014, only in 2011 and 2012 did the number remain stable at just over 40%.
On the other hand, the rental market has increased substantially over the same eleven-year period. And the number of people renting has risen up nearly 30% from 2004 to 2014. This has been a gradual go up in most years, rising by just a few percent each year. Specially, the rental home reached a peak at just under 50% in 2014.
To sum up, as can be seen easily this bar chart that people between the age of 25 and 34, the rental house is increasing each year, whereas the buyers house is decreasing.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart illustrates how many people aged 25-34 who had have a house or rent in the Uk." -> "The bar chart illustrates the number of individuals aged 25-34 who own or rent homes in the UK."
Explanation: The original phrase "who had have a house or rent in the Uk" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language appropriate for academic writing.
"Moreover, it shows this change over an eleven- year period." -> "Furthermore, it depicts this change over an eleven-year period."
Explanation: "Moreover" is less formal and slightly less precise than "Furthermore," which is more commonly used in academic writing to introduce additional information.
"The Number home owners with this age range has went up dramatically since 2004." -> "The number of homeowners in this age range has increased dramatically since 2004."
Explanation: "The Number home owners" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The correction clarifies the noun and verb agreement, and "increased" is more precise than "went up."
"Nearly 60% owned their own home in 2004, whereas in 2014 this decreased to under 40%." -> "Approximately 60% of homeowners in 2004, whereas this decreased to less than 40% in 2014."
Explanation: "Nearly" is somewhat informal; "approximately" is more precise and formal. Also, "this" is vague; specifying "homeownership" clarifies the subject.
"There was a gradual decrease in home ownership over the eleven-year period which was more vital from 2009 to 2014, only in 2011 and 2012 did the number remain stable at just over 40%." -> "The decline in homeownership over the eleven-year period was more pronounced from 2009 to 2014, with the exception of 2011 and 2012, when the percentage remained stable at just over 40%."
Explanation: "Vital" is incorrectly used; "pronounced" is the correct term for describing the extent of a change. Also, "which was more vital" is awkward and unclear; "which was more pronounced" is more direct and formal.
"On the other hand, the rental market has increased substantially over the same eleven-year period. And the number of people renting has risen up nearly 30% from 2004 to 2014." -> "Conversely, the rental market has expanded significantly over the same eleven-year period. The number of renters has increased by nearly 30% from 2004 to 2014."
Explanation: "Increased substantially" is redundant with "expanded significantly." "Risen up" is informal and incorrect; "increased" is the correct verb. The revised sentence is clearer and more formal.
"This has been a gradual go up in most years, rising by just a few percent each year." -> "This has been a gradual increase in most years, rising by only a few percent each year."
Explanation: "Go up" is informal and incorrect; "increase" is the correct term. "Just" is also informal; "only" is more suitable for academic writing.
"Specially, the rental home reached a peak at just under 50% in 2014." -> "Specifically, the rental market reached a peak of nearly 50% in 2014."
Explanation: "Specially" is a spelling error; "Specifically" is the correct word. "Rental home" is vague; "rental market" is more precise.
"To sum up, as can be seen easily this bar chart that people between the age of 25 and 34, the rental house is increasing each year, whereas the buyers house is decreasing." -> "In summary, as evident from this bar chart, the rental market is increasing annually, while the number of homeowners is decreasing among individuals aged 25-34."
Explanation: "To sum up" is informal; "In summary" is more formal. "As can be seen easily" is awkward and informal; "as evident from" is more precise and formal. "This bar chart that people between the age of 25 and 34" is grammatically incorrect and awkward; "this bar chart" is sufficient and clearer. "The rental house is increasing each year, whereas the buyers house is decreasing" is grammatically incorrect and unclear; "the rental market is increasing annually, while the number of homeowners is decreasing" is grammatically correct and clearer.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends, and the information is recounted mechanically with no clear overview. The essay presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features of the data, rather than simply recounting the details. For example, the essay could state that the number of home owners decreased over the eleven-year period, while the number of renters increased. The essay could also highlight the fact that the number of renters reached a peak in 2014.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are noticeable issues with overall progression. While it attempts to compare home ownership and renting, the transitions between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, with some phrases being repetitive or awkwardly constructed. Additionally, there are instances of grammatical errors and unclear references, which detract from the coherence of the response. Paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, as the ideas within paragraphs do not flow logically.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring paragraphs, ensuring each one contains a single central idea. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, improving grammatical accuracy and clarity in referencing will contribute to a more coherent essay. Finally, ensuring that there is a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay will help the reader follow the argument more easily.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the chart, the use of vocabulary is basic and repetitive, particularly with phrases like "has went up" and "rising by just a few percent each year." There are noticeable errors in word choice and grammar, such as "the Number home owners" (should be "the number of homeowners") and "the buyers house" (should be "homeownership"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message. Additionally, the essay lacks the use of less common lexical items and does not exhibit flexibility in vocabulary use.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, particularly less common terms related to housing and demographics. It would be beneficial to practice using synonyms and varying sentence structures to avoid repetition. Additionally, improving grammatical accuracy and ensuring proper word forms will help convey ideas more clearly. Finally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors can significantly enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at more complex forms. However, there are several grammatical errors, such as "who had have a house" and "has went up," which detract from clarity. The use of phrases like "the rental home reached a peak" is somewhat awkward and could be expressed more clearly. While the writer attempts to convey the information from the chart, frequent errors in grammar and punctuation can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the overall message.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility.
Grammar Accuracy: Review and practice common verb forms and tenses to avoid errors like "has went up" (should be "has gone up") and "who had have" (should be "who have").
Punctuation: Ensure proper use of punctuation to improve clarity, especially in longer sentences.
Clarity and Cohesion: Work on expressing ideas more clearly and cohesively, ensuring that comparisons and trends are articulated effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the housing situation of individuals aged 25-34 in the UK, highlighting both home ownership and renting trends over an eleven-year period.

The number of homeowners within this age range has decreased dramatically since 2004. Nearly 60% owned their own homes in 2004, whereas this figure fell to under 40% by 2014. There was a gradual decline in home ownership over the eleven-year period, which was particularly significant from 2009 to 2014. Only in 2011 and 2012 did the percentage remain stable at just over 40%.

In contrast, the rental market has expanded substantially during the same eleven-year period. The number of people renting has increased by nearly 30% from 2004 to 2014. This growth has been gradual in most years, with only a few percentage points added each year. Notably, the proportion of rental homes reached a peak of just under 50% in 2014.

Overall, it is evident from the bar chart that among individuals aged 25 to 34, the trend towards renting has been increasing each year, while home ownership has been declining.