The chart below gives information about how people aged 25-34 are housed in the UK. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of residents aged 25 to 34 in the UK, who either owned houses or rented them from 2004 to 2014.

Overall, while homeowners experienced a falling trend, there was an upward trend in the percentage of renters throughout the 10-year period. Initially, more people owned their homes, but by the end, the proportion of renters has risen sharply and exceeded the number of homeowners.

The percentage of homeowners reached a peak of about 58% in 2004, being higher than renters' rate by approximately 40%. Then, it gently decreased to the number of around 55% in 2006 and rose modestly by a few percent in 2007 before experiencing a steady drop until 2011. In the following year, the figure remained the same, however, it continued to decline to the end of the period reaching around 40% in 2013 and hitting a low-point of about 36% in 2014.

There was a gradual growth in the figure for renters during the whole time, from around 20% to approximately 47% shown. The number of people renting houses has been growing consistently, remaining stable from 2005 to 2006, as well as in 2011 and 2012 without a single fall. In 2014, it outraced the rate of homeowners by about 10%, achieving the highest point.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart illustrates" -> "The bar chart depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in academic writing, enhancing the formality of the introduction.
"who either owned houses or rented them" -> "who either owned or rented houses"
Explanation: Removing "them" after "rented" corrects the grammatical structure and simplifies the phrase, making it more direct and formal.
"there was an upward trend" -> "there was a rising trend"
Explanation: "Rising" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "upward," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"the proportion of renters has risen sharply" -> "the proportion of renters increased significantly"
Explanation: "Increased significantly" is a more precise and formal expression than "risen sharply," which is somewhat colloquial.
"the number of renters has risen sharply" -> "the proportion of renters increased significantly"
Explanation: This change maintains consistency in terminology, using "increased" instead of "risen" for renters, aligning with the previous change.
"the number of around 55%" -> "the percentage of approximately 55%"
Explanation: "Percentage" is more precise and appropriate in this context than "number," which is incorrect in describing a proportion.
"rose modestly by a few percent" -> "increased moderately by a few percentage points"
Explanation: "Increased moderately" is more formal than "rose modestly," and "percentage points" is the correct term for increments in percentages.
"a steady drop" -> "a consistent decline"
Explanation: "Consistent decline" is a more formal and precise term than "steady drop," which is somewhat colloquial.
"the figure remained the same" -> "the figure remained unchanged"
Explanation: "Remained unchanged" is a more formal and precise expression than "remained the same."
"the end of the period" -> "the end of the period"
Explanation: This is a minor correction to maintain consistency in verb tense, ensuring that "end" agrees with the past tense of "reached."
"There was a gradual growth" -> "There was a gradual increase"
Explanation: "Increase" is more specific and appropriate in this context than "growth," which can be ambiguous.
"from around 20% to approximately 47%" -> "from approximately 20% to around 47%"
Explanation: This change maintains consistency in the use of "approximately" and "around," aligning with the style of the essay.
"the number of people renting houses has been growing" -> "the proportion of people renting houses has increased"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more precise than "number" in describing a percentage, and "increased" is more formal than "growing."
"without a single fall" -> "without any decline"
Explanation: "Without any decline" is more formal and precise than "without a single fall," which is somewhat colloquial.
"it outraced the rate of homeowners" -> "it surpassed the rate of homeowners"
Explanation: "Surpassed" is a more formal and precise term than "outraced," which is not commonly used in this context.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the chart, highlighting the key features of the data. The essay also makes comparisons between the two categories, as required by the task. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more specific details about the trends and comparisons.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the trends and comparisons. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of homeowners decreased by approximately 20% between 2004 and 2014, while the percentage of renters increased by approximately 27% during the same period. The essay could also provide more specific details about the fluctuations in the data, such as the fact that the percentage of homeowners remained stable between 2011 and 2012, while the percentage of renters increased steadily during this period.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating a clear progression throughout. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the overall structure allows for a coherent flow of information. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, with the first discussing the overall trends and the subsequent paragraphs detailing the specifics of homeowners and renters. However, while cohesive devices are used appropriately, there are instances of slight under-use, which can affect the smoothness of transitions between some ideas. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 7, as it presents a clear organization and progression but could enhance cohesion further.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all supporting details directly relate to that topic would improve clarity and coherence. Finally, varying sentence structures and using more sophisticated linking phrases could further elevate the overall cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying the information from the chart. The use of phrases such as "falling trend," "upward trend," and "reached a peak" indicates an awareness of appropriate lexical choices for the task. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "outraced" and "low-point," which shows an effort to enhance the lexical resource. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and phrasing, such as "the number of around 55%" which could be more clearly expressed as "approximately 55%." These inaccuracies, along with some minor spelling issues, prevent the score from reaching a higher band.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary further, particularly by incorporating more sophisticated and varied lexical items. Additionally, ensuring precise word choice and avoiding awkward phrasing will enhance clarity. Practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions can also contribute to a more natural and fluent use of language. Finally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy will help eliminate minor errors that detract from the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, which aligns well with the criteria for Band 7. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, although there are a few errors present, such as "the number of around 55%" (which could be more clearly stated as "to around 55%") and "hitting a low-point" (which should be "low point" without the hyphen). These errors do not significantly impede communication but indicate areas for improvement.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for minor errors and ensuring clarity in sentence structure. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of sentence types and complex structures could further demonstrate flexibility and accuracy in grammar.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of residents aged 25 to 34 in the UK who either owned homes or rented them from 2004 to 2014.

Overall, while the proportion of homeowners experienced a declining trend, there was an upward trend in the percentage of renters throughout the 10-year period. Initially, a greater number of individuals owned their homes, but by the end of the period, the proportion of renters had risen sharply, surpassing that of homeowners.

The percentage of homeowners peaked at approximately 58% in 2004, which was about 40% higher than the rate of renters. Subsequently, it gently decreased to around 55% in 2006 and rose modestly by a few percentage points in 2007 before experiencing a steady decline until 2011. In the following year, the figure remained stable; however, it continued to decrease, reaching around 40% in 2013 and hitting a low point of about 36% in 2014.

Conversely, there was a gradual increase in the percentage of renters throughout the entire period, rising from around 20% to approximately 47%. The number of individuals renting homes grew consistently, remaining stable from 2005 to 2006, as well as in 2011 and 2012, without a single decline. By 2014, the rental rate exceeded that of homeowners by about 10%, achieving its highest point.