The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph illustrates the percentages of 11-to-16-year-old children go to their schools by walk, bicycle, car, and bus tin the UK in a year. At first glance, it is clear that in a short distance, walk and bicycle were the most popular choices while car and bus were placed at the top of the list in terms of a long way.
To clarify, if the school is under one miles from their home, 90% of children aged 11 to 16 walk and nearly 50% of them drive bicycle while rarely they go by car or bus (only nine percent and two percent, respectively). Likewise, when this distance is from one to two miles, walk and bicycle were still the most attracted (with walk at 60% and bicycle at 76%). Nevertheless, in respect to two to five miles, bicycle and bus became the most popular options at a similar rate (around 50%), followed by car at 31% and walk at 25%.
The most striking feature is that only in a way over five miles, no children travels to schools by walk or bicycle. Most of them (over 78%) take a bus and others (nearly 22%) go by car.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The graph illustrates the percentages of 11-to-16-year-old children go to their schools by walk, bicycle, car, and bus tin the UK in a year." -> "The graph illustrates the percentages of 11-to-16-year-old children who travel to school by walking, cycling, driving, and taking the bus in the UK annually."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks precision. The revised version corrects the grammatical structure and uses more formal vocabulary, improving clarity and appropriateness for an academic context.
"At first glance, it is clear that in a short distance, walk and bicycle were the most popular choices while car and bus were placed at the top of the list in terms of a long way." -> "Initially, it appears that for shorter distances, walking and cycling are the preferred modes of transport, whereas for longer distances, driving and taking the bus are more prevalent."
Explanation: The original phrase "in a short distance" is vague and informal. The revision clarifies the context and uses more precise language to describe the modes of transport.
"if the school is under one miles from their home" -> "if the school is less than one mile from their home"
Explanation: The original phrase "under one miles" is grammatically incorrect. The correction fixes the grammatical error and uses a more standard unit of measurement.
"nearly 50% of them drive bicycle" -> "approximately 50% of them cycle"
Explanation: "Drive bicycle" is incorrect as "drive" is typically used with vehicles, not bicycles. "Cycle" is the correct verb for describing the action of riding a bicycle.
"Likewise, when this distance is from one to two miles, walk and bicycle were still the most attracted" -> "Similarly, when the distance is between one and two miles, walking and cycling remain the most popular options"
Explanation: "The most attracted" is unclear and incorrect. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses more formal language.
"in respect to two to five miles" -> "for distances of two to five miles"
Explanation: "In respect to" is incorrect. "For distances of" is the correct prepositional phrase for describing ranges.
"no children travels to schools by walk or bicycle" -> "no children travel to school by walking or cycling"
Explanation: "Travels" should be pluralized to match the subject "children," and "by walk or bicycle" should be "by walking or cycling" for grammatical correctness and consistency.
"Most of them (over 78%) take a bus and others (nearly 22%) go by car." -> "The majority (over 78%) opt for the bus, while nearly 22% choose to drive."
Explanation: "Most of them" is informal and vague; "The majority" is more precise and formal. Also, "go by car" is replaced with "choose to drive" for a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the chart, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not make comparisons between the different modes of transport, which is a key requirement of the task. The essay also presents some details that are irrelevant, such as the statement that "only in a way over five miles, no children travels to schools by walk or bicycle." This statement is not supported by the data in the chart.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by making more comparisons between the different modes of transport. For example, the essay could compare the percentage of children who walk to school with the percentage of children who take the bus. The essay could also be improved by removing irrelevant details and focusing on the key features of the chart.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some attempt at organizing information but lacks coherence and clear progression. The ideas are presented in a fragmented manner, making it difficult to follow a logical flow. There is an attempt at using cohesive devices, but they are often inaccurate or repetitive, which hinders the clarity of the essay. Additionally, the paragraphing is inadequate, with sentences grouped together without clear separation into distinct paragraphs.

How to improve:

Organization: Focus on structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph discusses a single main idea related to the topic.
Coherence: Work on connecting ideas logically. Use transition words and phrases effectively to guide the reader through the essay.
Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and linking words accurately to show relationships between ideas.
Paragraphing: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports that topic coherently with examples or details.

By improving these aspects, the essay can achieve better coherence and cohesion, leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and some errors in word choice and word formation. While the main features of the chart are conveyed, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive ("walk", "bicycle", "car", "bus") without much variety. There are noticeable errors in word formation and spelling ("drive bicycle", "tin the UK", "to clarify"), which can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the text. The essay lacks fluency and precision in conveying information due to these language limitations.

How to improve:

Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider range of synonyms and more specific terms related to transportation and distances (e.g., "pedal bicycle", "commute by bus").
Accuracy in Word Choice: Check for accuracy in word choice and ensure that expressions are correctly formed ("travel by bicycle", "in the UK").
Grammar and Spelling: Pay attention to grammar and spelling to avoid errors that can disrupt the flow of information.

Improving lexical resource in these areas would enhance clarity and coherence in presenting information from the chart effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "if the school is under one miles from their home" and "when this distance is from one to two miles." However, these sentences often lack accuracy, which occasionally affects clarity. There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as "drives bicycle" instead of "ride bicycles" and "top of the list in terms of a long way," which detract from the overall effectiveness of communication. Punctuation errors are also noticeable, such as missing commas and incorrect use of parentheses. The errors do cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning in places.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy score:

Sentence Structure: Aim for more variety in sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences. Ensure that complex sentences are grammatically correct and contribute clearly to the essay’s coherence.
Accuracy: Focus on accurate use of grammar and punctuation. Review common mistakes such as subject-verb agreement, article use, and sentence fragments.
Clarity: Pay attention to clarity of expression. Simplify complex ideas if necessary to ensure they are communicated accurately.

By addressing these areas, the essay can enhance its grammatical range and accuracy, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The chart depicts the modes of transportation used by 11-to-16-year-old children in the UK to travel to school over the course of a year. Initially, it is evident that walking and cycling are predominantly favored for shorter distances, whereas car and bus usage increases notably for longer distances.

For journeys under one mile, the majority of children (90%) opt to walk, with nearly half (around 50%) choosing to cycle, while car and bus usage remains minimal at only nine percent and two percent respectively. Similarly, for distances ranging from one to two miles, walking and cycling remain popular choices, with walking at 60% and cycling at 76%. In contrast, for distances spanning two to five miles, cycling and bus travel become the primary modes of transport, each accounting for approximately 50%, followed by car usage at 31% and walking at 25%.

The most noteworthy observation is that for distances exceeding five miles, walking and cycling cease to be used entirely. Instead, the overwhelming majority (over 78%) of children rely on buses, with the remaining minority (almost 22%) opting for car travel.