The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below illustrates the figure of the mature playing a variety of sports in 1997 and 20 years later.

It is evident that the number of general sport players had increased except for the drop in cricket and the maintenance in swimming. In addition, tennis was the most favored sport in both years.

To begin with, tennis dominated the chart with 50 thousand tennis participants in 1997, then moderately climbed to 55 thousand in 2017. The similar trend was witnessed in the quantity of golf players, which was approximately 31 in 1997 before observing a slight change of nearly 2 thousand in the end of the given period. Swimming is surprisingly remained unchanged during 20 years.

Beside that, football, rugby and basketball had observed a significant upward trend in the course of 20 years. While the amount of basketball players over doubled that of the beginning point, surpassing 20 thousand in 2017, both football and rugby's figures had seen a surge of around 15 thousand to nearly 50 thousand after 20 years. Conversely, the number of individuals who played cricket, which was the second lowest one in 1997, had a dramatic plummet to 8 thousand in the specific time frame.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "figure of the mature" -> "number of adults"
   Explanation: The term "figure" can be ambiguous, while "number" is clearer in this context. "Mature" typically describes an attribute, not a group of people, whereas "adults" specifically refers to grown individuals.

2. "general sport players" -> "overall participation in sports"
   Explanation: The phrase "general sport players" is awkward. Replacing it with "overall participation in sports" makes it more precise and easier to understand.

3. "maintenance in swimming" -> "constant level in swimming"
   Explanation: "Maintenance" typically refers to upkeep or repair. Using "constant level" conveys the idea that swimming participation remained the same.

4. "tennis dominated the chart" -> "tennis was the most popular sport"
   Explanation: The word "dominated" can suggest overwhelming control, which may not be the intended meaning. "Most popular" is clearer and aligns better with the context.

5. "moderately climbed" -> "steadily increased"
   Explanation: "Moderately" can imply a relative judgment, whereas "steadily" more accurately describes a consistent increase over time.

6. "similar trend was witnessed" -> "a similar trend was observed"
   Explanation: The word "witnessed" is often used in contexts involving personal observation or experience. "Observed" is more appropriate for data or statistical trends.

7. "Beside that" -> "Additionally"
   Explanation: "Beside that" is an informal expression and is not commonly used in formal writing. "Additionally" or "Moreover" is more suitable for transitioning between points.

8. "had observed" -> "showed"
   Explanation: "Observed" implies an active role in perceiving or recording, which doesn’t fit the context of describing data. "Showed" indicates what the data represented.

9. "the amount of basketball players" -> "the number of basketball players"
   Explanation: "Amount" is generally used for uncountable nouns, whereas "number" is used for countable items like basketball players.

10. "the beginning point" -> "the starting point"
    Explanation: "Beginning point" is less commonly used and sounds awkward. "Starting point" is a more established phrase for this context.

11. "the specific time frame" -> "the specified time frame"
    Explanation: "Specific" refers to something distinct or particular, while "specified" indicates something defined by a given reference or period, which aligns with the intended meaning in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the chart and making relevant comparisons between 1997 and 2017. It provides a clear overview of the main trends in sports participation over the 20-year period, highlighting the increase in general sports participation with specific mentions of tennis, golf, football, rugby, and basketball. The essay also correctly identifies the decrease in cricket participation and the consistent level of swimming participation.

How to improve: To enhance the essay’s Task Achievement score, provide more specific data points from the chart to support the trends mentioned. Additionally, ensure that the comparisons between 1997 and 2017 are more nuanced, focusing on the magnitude of changes and any notable fluctuations in participation numbers. Finally, strive for greater clarity and precision in language to avoid ambiguity and improve overall coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. Each paragraph presents a central topic related to different sports and their participation numbers over two decades. Cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas within and between sentences, facilitating smooth transitions. The essay effectively compares the participation figures for various sports in 1997 and 2017, providing a clear overview of the changes over time.

How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to ensure seamless flow between topics. Additionally, aim for greater consistency in the use of cohesive devices to strengthen the logical connection between ideas. Finally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on the central topic, avoiding any tangential or unrelated information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the main features of the data presented in the chart. The writer utilizes a variety of vocabulary related to sports and numbers, such as "participants," "dominated," "climbed," "quantity," "observing," "significant upward trend," "surge," and "plummet." There is an attempt to incorporate less common lexical items, such as "maintained," "surprisingly remained unchanged," and "dramatic plummet," showcasing some awareness of style and collocation. Additionally, the essay effectively summarizes the main features of the data and makes relevant comparisons between the two years.

How to improve:
To further enhance the lexical resource, the writer could introduce more diverse vocabulary related to data analysis and comparison. Additionally, attention to word choice precision and accuracy could reduce occasional errors and ensure a smoother flow of the text. Moreover, expanding the range of less common lexical items and idiomatic expressions could elevate the sophistication of the language used. Finally, maintaining consistency in formal language throughout the essay would contribute to a more polished and cohesive piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, showcasing a reasonable attempt at varied structures. The writer effectively conveys the main features of the data and makes relevant comparisons. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation, but they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on increasing the variety of complex sentence structures while ensuring accuracy. Pay attention to punctuation and grammar to reduce errors and improve clarity. Additionally, strive for more precise vocabulary and smoother transitions between ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart presents data on the participation of adults in various sports in 1997 and 2017. Overall, there was an increase in the number of participants in most sports over the 20-year period, except for cricket which experienced a decline, and swimming which remained stable. Tennis emerged as the most popular sport in both years.

Tennis stood out as the favored sport, with 50 thousand participants in 1997, rising to 55 thousand by 2017. Similarly, golf saw a modest increase from around 31 thousand participants in 1997 to nearly 33 thousand in 2017. Surprisingly, swimming maintained a consistent number of participants over the two decades.

Football, rugby, and basketball experienced significant growth in participation. Basketball’s numbers more than doubled, exceeding 20 thousand participants by 2017. Football and rugby also saw substantial increases, each reaching nearly 50 thousand participants by the end of the period.

In contrast, cricket experienced a sharp decline from around 23 thousand participants in 1997 to only 8 thousand in 2017, making it the sport with the lowest participation in the later year.

Overall, the data illustrates notable changes in sports participation among adults in the specified area over the 20-year period, with tennis consistently leading in popularity.