The chart below shows the numbers of three types of visitors to a museum between 1997 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The provided graph illustrates the number of three types of visitors to a museum from 1997 to 2012. Overall, the number of adult and special exhibition visitors increased throughout the period, while the number of visitors aged under 15 saw a significant decline. Consequently, the total number of adult visitors was consistently higher than that of children (under 15 years) and special exhibition visitors.

In 1997 and 2002, the number of adult visitors remained steady at around 300,000. This figure then surged to 400,500 by 2007, before experiencing a slight decrease to 380,000 in 2012.

The number of visitors aged under 15 showed a substantial decline over the years. In 1997, this group reached its peak at 120,000. However, by 2002, the number had decreased to 110,000, followed by further reductions to 87,000 in 2007 and 82,300 in 2012.

Special exhibition visitors experienced a gradual increase throughout the period. In 1997 and 2002, the numbers were approximately 28,000 and 29,200, respectively. By 2007, this figure had increased to 37,700, eventually reaching 42,000 in 2012.

In conclusion, the total number of visitors peaked in 2007 at 525,200, followed by 504,300 in 2012, 448,100 in 1997, and 441,200 in 2002. These trends highlight the growing popularity of adult and special exhibition visits, contrasted with a notable decline in visits by children under 15 years of age.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The provided graph illustrates" -> "The graph illustrates"
Explanation: Removing "The provided" simplifies the phrase, making it more direct and appropriate for academic writing, which typically avoids unnecessary words that do not add meaning.
"three types of visitors" -> "three categories of visitors"
Explanation: "Categories" is more specific and formal than "types," which is somewhat vague and less precise in this context.
"saw a significant decline" -> "experienced a significant decline"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more formal and precise than "saw," which is somewhat colloquial and less fitting for academic writing.
"the number of adult visitors was consistently higher than that of children (under 15 years) and special exhibition visitors" -> "the number of adult visitors consistently exceeded that of both children (under 15 years) and special exhibition visitors"
Explanation: Replacing "was higher than" with "exceeded" enhances the formality and specificity of the comparison.
"surged to" -> "increased significantly to"
Explanation: "Increased significantly" is more formal and precise than "surged," which can imply a sudden, dramatic change that may not be accurate in this context.
"a slight decrease" -> "a moderate decrease"
Explanation: "Moderate" is more precise and academically appropriate than "slight," which can be vague and less formal.
"The number of visitors aged under 15 showed a substantial decline" -> "The number of visitors under 15 years of age experienced a substantial decline"
Explanation: Adding "years of age" clarifies the age range, and "experienced" is more formal than "showed."
"This figure then surged to" -> "This figure subsequently increased to"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is more formal and precise than "then," and "increased" is more neutral than "surged," which can be overly dramatic for academic writing.
"further reductions" -> "further decreases"
Explanation: "Decreases" is more specific and formal than "reductions," which can be less precise in this context.
"Special exhibition visitors experienced a gradual increase" -> "Special exhibition visitors exhibited a gradual increase"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more precise and formal than "experienced," aligning better with the context of visitor numbers.
"This figure had increased to" -> "This figure had risen to"
Explanation: "Risen" is a more formal synonym for "increased," fitting better in academic writing.
"In conclusion, the total number of visitors peaked" -> "In conclusion, the total number of visitors reached a peak"
Explanation: "Reached a peak" is a more formal and precise way to describe the highest point in a trend.
"followed by 504,300 in 2012, 448,100 in 1997, and 441,200 in 2002" -> "followed by 504,300 in 2012, 448,100 in 1997, and 441,200 in 2002"
Explanation: This change is for consistency in formatting, aligning with the previous descriptions for clarity and readability.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the chart, highlighting the increase in adult and special exhibition visitors and the decline in visitors aged under 15. The essay also presents key features and bullet points, such as the peak in 2007 and the steady number of adult visitors in 1997 and 2002. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more detailed analysis of the trends, such as the rate of increase or decrease in each category.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the trends, such as the rate of increase or decrease in each category. For example, the essay could state that the number of adult visitors increased by approximately 100,000 between 2002 and 2007. The essay could also provide more specific comparisons between the different categories, such as stating that the number of adult visitors was always significantly higher than the number of visitors aged under 15.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, although there are instances of slightly mechanical cohesion, particularly in the transition between ideas. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, but the overall structure could benefit from more varied linking phrases to enhance fluidity.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the variety and sophistication of cohesive devices used. This can include using more advanced linking phrases and ensuring that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth and natural. Additionally, refining the paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next could further improve coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the information from the graph. The use of terms such as "illustrates," "surged," "substantial decline," and "gradual increase" reflects an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are some occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "the total number of visitors peaked" which could be more precisely stated as "the total number of visitors reached its peak." Additionally, while the vocabulary is generally appropriate, there are minor errors in word formation and spelling that do not impede communication but may detract slightly from the overall impression.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more sophisticated range of vocabulary and more precise word choices. Incorporating more varied synonyms and phrases, as well as ensuring that all lexical items are used correctly in context, would enhance the overall lexical resource. Additionally, reducing any minor errors in spelling or word formation would also contribute to a stronger performance in this criterion. Engaging with more advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions could further elevate the essay’s quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The grammatical range is good, with a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. However, there are a few minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases that detract slightly from the overall accuracy, preventing a higher score. For example, the phrase "the number of adult visitors remained steady at around 300,000" could be improved for clarity and precision. Overall, the control of grammar and punctuation is good, but the occasional errors indicate room for improvement.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for minor errors and awkward phrasing. Increasing the variety of sentence structures, particularly by incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses, would also help. Additionally, ensuring that all sentences are clear and precise will contribute to a more polished essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In 1997 and 2002, the number of adult visitors remained steady at around 300,000. This figure then surged to 400,500 by 2007, before experiencing a slight decrease to 380,000 in 2012.

Special exhibition visitors experienced a gradual increase throughout the period. In 1997 and 2002, the numbers were approximately 28,000 and 29,200, respectively. By 2007, this figure had risen to 37,700, eventually reaching 42,000 in 2012.

The total number of visitors peaked in 2007 at 525,200, followed by 504,300 in 2012, 448,100 in 1997, and 441,200 in 2002. These trends highlight the growing popularity of adult and special exhibition visits, contrasted with a notable decline in visits by children under 15 years of age.