The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features，and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features，and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs depicts a research results of purchasing and comsuming coffe habits of 5 different cities' residents in Australia. Overall, in all the surveyed cities, the proportion of people buying fresh coffe was higher than its instant counterpart. Additionally, at least more than a half population in the statistic chose to go to a cafe for coffe or tea in the last 4 weekks.
In the first place, there were approximately 43% to 44% of Sydney and Melbourne residents purchasing for fresh coffee in last four weeks. The rate of buying for this type of drink in Hobart accounted for nearly 35% of the city population, Meanwhile, the figures for Brisbane and Adelaid were relatively similar, about 34% .
In term of instant coffe, the survey witnessed roundly 54% to 58% of Hobart and Brisbane citizens bought it, which is at the top of the table. That of Adelaide and Melbourne share the second and third place, respectively stood at 46% and 50%. Finally, the date at the bottom is just over 45% of Sydned-residened people paying for instant coffee.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The graphs depicts" -> "The graphs depict"
   Explanation: "Depict" should be in the plural form "depict" to agree with the plural subject "graphs."

2. "research results of purchasing and comsuming coffe habits" -> "results of coffee purchasing and consumption habits"
   Explanation: "Comsuming" is a typo and should be "consumption." Additionally, "coffee purchasing and consumption habits" is more precise and formal than "purchasing and comsuming coffe habits."

3. "at least more than a half population" -> "at least half the population"
   Explanation: "At least more than a half" is grammatically incorrect. "At least half the population" is the correct expression.

4. "chose to go to a cafe for coffe or tea" -> "chose to visit a cafe for coffee or tea"
   Explanation: "Coffe" is a typo and should be "coffee." Also, "visit" is more formal than "go to" in this context.

5. "in the last 4 weekks" -> "over the past four weeks"
   Explanation: "Weekks" is a typo and should be "weeks." "Over the past four weeks" is more formal and precise.

6. "purchasing for fresh coffee" -> "purchasing fresh coffee"
   Explanation: "For" is unnecessary here and disrupts the flow of the sentence. "Purchasing fresh coffee" is the correct and more natural phrasing.

7. "the rate of buying for this type of drink" -> "the rate of purchasing this type of drink"
   Explanation: "Buying for" is awkward and incorrect. "Purchasing" is the correct verb form for this context.

8. "In term of" -> "In terms of"
   Explanation: "In term of" is a grammatical error. The correct phrase is "In terms of."

9. "witnessed roundly" -> "showed"
   Explanation: "Witnessed roundly" is incorrect and unclear. "Showed" is a more straightforward and appropriate verb for describing the results of the survey.

10. "That of Adelaide and Melbourne share the second and third place" -> "Adelaide and Melbourne shared the second and third positions"
    Explanation: "That of" is incorrect in this context. "Shared the second and third positions" is clearer and more formal.

11. "the date at the bottom is just over 45% of Sydned-residened people paying for instant coffee" -> "the lowest figure, at 45.1%, represents the proportion of Sydney residents purchasing instant coffee"
    Explanation: "The date at the bottom" is vague and incorrect. "The lowest figure, at 45.1%, represents the proportion of Sydney residents purchasing instant coffee" is precise and formal.

These changes aim to enhance the clarity, grammatical accuracy, and formality of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay provides a general overview of the data, but it does not present a clear overview of the main trends. The essay also presents some key features, but it does not adequately cover all of them. For example, the essay does not mention that the percentage of people who went to a cafe for coffee or tea in the last four weeks was higher in Hobart than in any other city.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of people who bought fresh coffee was higher than the percentage of people who bought instant coffee in all five cities. The essay could also provide more detailed information about the key features of the data. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of people who went to a cafe for coffee or tea in the last four weeks was highest in Hobart, followed by Melbourne, Sydney, Adelaide, and Brisbane.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are noticeable issues with overall progression and clarity. While the main features of the survey results are mentioned, the structure lacks coherence, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion. For example, phrases like "in the first place" and "in term of" are not used appropriately, which detracts from the overall clarity. Additionally, there are grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that further hinder the essay’s coherence. Paragraphing is attempted but not executed logically, as the ideas do not flow smoothly from one to the next.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing ideas more logically and ensuring a clear progression throughout the essay. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, improving grammatical accuracy and refining sentence structure will contribute to the overall clarity of the writing. It would also be beneficial to ensure that each paragraph presents a clear central topic and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the survey results, the use of vocabulary is repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "coffe," "comsuming," "Adelaid," "Sydned") and word formation (e.g., "the date at the bottom is just over 45% of Sydned-residened people paying for instant coffee"), which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, the phrase "the proportion of people buying fresh coffe was higher than its instant counterpart" is somewhat awkward and could be expressed more clearly.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of synonyms and less common lexical items. Paying attention to spelling and ensuring accurate word formation is crucial. The writer could also work on varying sentence structures and using more sophisticated phrases to express comparisons and trends. Practicing with academic vocabulary and collocations relevant to the topic would further improve clarity and precision in communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex sentences. While there are moments of clarity, frequent grammatical errors, such as "depicts a research results" and "coffe habits," detract from the overall communication. Additionally, issues with punctuation and spelling (e.g., "coffe," "weekks," "Sydned-residened") further hinder readability. These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader, aligning the essay with the characteristics of Band 5.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

1. Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility in grammar.
2. Proofreading: Carefully check for spelling and punctuation errors before submission to improve overall clarity.
3. Grammar Practice: Engage in targeted grammar exercises to strengthen understanding and application of various grammatical rules.
4. Use of Transitional Phrases: Employ more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas and enhance coherence in the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graphs depict the results of a survey regarding the purchasing and consuming habits of coffee among residents in five different cities in Australia. Overall, in all the surveyed cities, the proportion of people buying fresh coffee was higher than that of instant coffee. Additionally, more than half of the population in the statistics chose to visit a café for coffee or tea in the last four weeks.

In the first place, approximately 43% to 44% of residents in Sydney and Melbourne purchased fresh coffee in the last four weeks. The rate of purchasing this type of drink in Hobart accounted for nearly 35% of the city’s population. Meanwhile, the figures for Brisbane and Adelaide were relatively similar, at about 34%.

In terms of instant coffee, the survey indicated that around 54% to 58% of citizens in Hobart and Brisbane bought it, which is at the top of the table. Adelaide and Melbourne shared the second and third places, respectively, standing at 46% and 50%. Finally, the data at the bottom shows just over 45% of Sydney residents purchasing instant coffee.