The chart below shows the results of three surveys on absenteeism in a particular European country in the years 2000, 2005 and 2010. The results show the reasons people gave for not going to work.

The bar chart illustrates the absenteeism trends in a European country across three years: 2000, 2005, and 2010, categorized by five different reasons.
Overall, illness was consistently the primary cause of absenteeism, though its rate decreased over the decade. Conversely, stress and personal needs experienced upward trends, while family obligations remained relatively stable. Unexpected issues showed fluctuations, peaking in 2005 before a slight decline in 2010.
In 2000, illness accounted for nearly 45% of absences, gradually declining to around 35% by 2010. Family obligations started at roughly 27% and maintained a level just above 25% from 2005 to 2010.
The proportion of absences due to personal needs increased by about one-tenth from 2000 to 2010. Stress rates doubled from approximately 6% in 2000 to around 12% in 2010. Unexpected issues, such as transportation and weather, rose from around 8% in 2000 to almost 15% in 2005, before a slight decrease in 2010.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart illustrates the absenteeism trends" -> "The bar chart depicts the absenteeism trends"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a common verb choice, but "depicts" is more precise and sophisticated in academic or formal writing, offering a clearer indication of the graphical representation.
"Overall, illness was consistently the primary cause" -> "Overall, illness consistently constituted the primary cause"
Explanation: "Constituted" adds a more formal and precise tone, indicating that illness formed or comprised the primary cause throughout the period.
"its rate decreased over the decade" -> "its incidence declined over the decade"
Explanation: "Rate" can refer to frequency or speed, while "incidence" specifically refers to the occurrence or rate of something undesirable, which fits the context of absenteeism better.
"Conversely, stress and personal needs experienced upward trends" -> "In contrast, stress and personal needs exhibited upward trends"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal term to describe the demonstration of upward trends, fitting for academic or technical writing.
"Unexpected issues showed fluctuations" -> "Unexpected factors exhibited fluctuations"
Explanation: "Issues" is a broad term, while "factors" is more precise and can encompass various reasons for absenteeism, maintaining clarity and specificity.
"peaking in 2005" -> "reaching its peak in 2005"
Explanation: "Reaching its peak" provides a clearer and more formal description of the highest point of the fluctuations in absenteeism due to unexpected factors.
"maintained a level just above 25%" -> "maintained a level slightly above 25%"
Explanation: Adding "slightly" provides a more precise description, indicating a small margin above the specified percentage.
"increased by about one-tenth" -> "increased by approximately ten percentage points"
Explanation: "One-tenth" is less precise compared to "ten percentage points," which provides a clearer indication of the increase in proportion.
"Stress rates doubled" -> "The incidence of stress doubled"
Explanation: "Rates" could refer to different aspects, while "incidence" specifically relates to the occurrence of stress, providing a clearer expression of the increase.
"rose from around 8% in 2000 to almost 15%" -> "increased from approximately 8% in 2000 to nearly 15%"
Explanation: "Rose" is relatively informal; "increased" maintains formality. Additionally, "nearly" is more precise than "almost" in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay covers all the requirements of the task sufficiently. It provides a clear overview of the main trends in absenteeism over the specified years (2000, 2005, and 2010) and effectively presents and highlights key features, such as the reasons for absenteeism. The trends of each reason are adequately illustrated with specific data points from the chart.

How to improve:
To enhance the response and potentially achieve a higher band score, the essay could further extend its discussion of the reasons for absenteeism, providing additional analysis or context where relevant. Additionally, ensuring that all key features are fully explored without any potential for ambiguity or misinterpretation would strengthen the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data presented in the chart, providing a clear central topic within each paragraph. The introduction effectively summarizes the main trends depicted in the chart, providing a solid framework for the subsequent analysis. The use of transition words and phrases helps maintain coherence and guide the reader through the different points being made. Additionally, the essay skillfully manages paragraphing, with each paragraph appropriately addressing a different aspect of the data.

How to improve:
To further improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that the use of cohesive devices is varied and precise. While the essay generally uses cohesive devices appropriately, there may be some opportunities to enhance cohesion within and between sentences. Additionally, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Overall, maintaining consistency in the use of cohesive devices and refining the transitions can elevate the coherence and cohesion of the essay to a higher band level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expressing ideas. There is consistent use of appropriate terminology related to data representation (e.g., "bar chart," "absenteeism trends"). Additionally, the essay effectively employs varied expressions for discussing trends over time (e.g., "upward trends," "fluctuations," "peaking," "slight decline"). Less common vocabulary items such as "proportion," "maintained," and "gradually declining" enhance the lexical resource. The writer also utilizes cohesive devices such as "overall," "conversely," and "respectively" to organize the information logically. Some awareness of style and collocation is evident, contributing to the coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To enhance lexical resource further and move towards a higher band score, the essay could incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions to convey nuances in meaning. Additionally, paying closer attention to word choice and ensuring precision in vocabulary usage could reduce occasional errors. Expanding the range of less common vocabulary items used could also contribute to a more polished and nuanced presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay effectively employs a variety of sentence structures, including complex structures such as subordinate clauses and parallelism. For example, the essay begins with a complex sentence: "The bar chart illustrates the absenteeism trends in a European country across three years: 2000, 2005, and 2010, categorized by five different reasons." This demonstrates an ability to vary sentence structures, enhancing the overall readability and engagement of the essay. Additionally, the writer demonstrates control over grammar and punctuation, producing frequent error-free sentences. There are only minor errors, such as missing commas, which do not significantly detract from the clarity or coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To further improve grammatical accuracy and range, the writer can focus on ensuring consistency in punctuation usage, particularly with commas. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of complex structures and sentence patterns could elevate the essay to a higher band score. This could include the use of more sophisticated vocabulary and transitions to enhance cohesion and coherence. Finally, careful proofreading to catch any remaining minor errors will

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart delineates the absenteeism patterns observed in a European nation over a span of ten years, specifically in the years 2000, 2005, and 2010, with a focus on five distinct reasons for non-attendance at work.

Overall, the predominant cause of absenteeism throughout the decade was illness, although its incidence exhibited a declining trajectory. Conversely, stress and personal needs showed ascending tendencies, while family obligations remained relatively stable. The occurrences of unexpected issues demonstrated fluctuations, reaching a peak in 2005 before undergoing a marginal decline by 2010.

In 2000, illness constituted nearly 45% of absences, gradually diminishing to approximately 35% by 2010. Family obligations commenced at approximately 27% and maintained a slightly elevated level just above 25% from 2005 to 2010. The proportion of absences attributable to personal needs experienced an increment of about one-tenth from 2000 to 2010. Stress rates doubled from roughly 6% in 2000 to around 12% in 2010. Unexpected issues, encompassing transportation and weather-related factors, ascended from approximately 8% in 2000 to nearly 15% in 2005, before experiencing a slight downturn in 2010.