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The chart below shows the results of three surveys on absenteeism in a particular European country in the years 2000, 2005 and 2010. The results show the reasons people gave for not going to work.

The chart below shows the results of three surveys on absenteeism in a particular European country in the years 2000, 2005 and 2010. The results show the reasons people gave for not going to work.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart given illustrates the proportion of various reasons for absence from work of residents who lived in a particular European country from 2000 to 2010.

Overall, it is evident that the percentage of residents who were absent from work because of health issues showed a downward tendency, while a reverse pattern could be observed in the data on personal needs. In addition, there were numerous variations in the figures for stress and unexpected problems, whereas that of family responsibilities remained relatively unaltered over the given period.

Around 43% of surveyed people were absent from work due to illness in 2000, after which this figure gradually decreased to precisely 40% in 2005 and 35% in 2010. Meanwhile, the data on person needs rose sharply from 15% in 2000 to 20% in 2005, followed by a slight increase to approximately 23% in 2010.

The proportion of employees who did not go to work because of stress and unexpected problems wildly fluctuated between roughly 4% and slightly below 15% over the ten-year period. The figure for family responsibilities was relatively steady around just over 25% throughout the surveyed period.

Vocabulary Improvements

Errors and Improvements:

  1. “The chart given” -> “The provided chart”
    Explanation: Replacing “The chart given” with “The provided chart” is a more formal and precise way to refer to the visual representation, enhancing the overall sophistication of the language.
  2. “absent from work” -> “absent from the workplace”
    Explanation: While “absent from work” is acceptable, using “absent from the workplace” is more specific and professional, particularly when discussing statistical data related to employment.
  3. “showed a downward tendency” -> “exhibited a declining trend”
    Explanation: “Showed a downward tendency” can be refined to “exhibited a declining trend” to convey the same meaning in a more polished and academic manner.
  4. “reverse pattern could be observed” -> “contrary trend was evident”
    Explanation: “Reverse pattern could be observed” can be replaced with “contrary trend was evident” for a more sophisticated expression of the opposite direction in the data.
  5. “numerous variations” -> “significant fluctuations”
    Explanation: Substituting “numerous variations” with “significant fluctuations” provides a more precise and formal description of the changes in the figures for stress and unexpected problems.
  6. “precisely 40%” -> “exactly 40%”
    Explanation: “Precisely 40%” can be replaced with “exactly 40%” for a more precise and formal representation of the percentage.
  7. “person needs” -> “personal needs”
    Explanation: “Person needs” should be corrected to “personal needs” for grammatical accuracy and to maintain a formal tone.
  8. “wildly fluctuated” -> “experienced considerable fluctuations”
    Explanation: Replacing “wildly fluctuated” with “experienced considerable fluctuations” adds sophistication to the description of the variations in the proportion of employees absent due to stress and unexpected problems.
  9. “just over 25%” -> “slightly above 25%”
    Explanation: “Just over 25%” can be refined to “slightly above 25%” for a more precise indication of the proportion related to family responsibilities.

 

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay provides a clear and organized summary of the information presented in the chart regarding absenteeism in a European country from 2000 to 2010. It covers the main features and makes relevant comparisons.

The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay, summarizing the key trends to be discussed. The essay then proceeds to address the main points in a logical order.

The essay correctly identifies the key trends in absenteeism reasons over the years. It highlights that absenteeism due to health issues decreased from 43% in 2000 to 35% in 2010, while absenteeism due to personal needs increased from 15% in 2000 to 23% in 2010. It also mentions that the data for stress and unexpected problems fluctuated significantly between 2000 and 2010. The discussion on family responsibilities staying relatively stable at just over 25% is also accurate.

How to improve:
To further improve the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score, consider the following:

  1. Provide more specific data from the chart, such as exact percentages for each year, to support the observations.
  2. Ensure that the essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs for each major point.
  3. Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to enhance overall clarity and readability.
  4. Use more varied vocabulary and phrasing to make the essay more engaging.
  5. Include a concluding paragraph to summarize the main findings and trends highlighted in the essay.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout. The introduction provides an overview of the main features, and the subsequent paragraphs maintain a logical flow of information, making comparisons between different reasons for absenteeism. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence. The essay effectively presents a clear central topic within each paragraph, enhancing the reader’s understanding of the data. However, there are some instances of overuse of certain cohesive devices, and minor improvements could be made to enhance cohesion further.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that cohesive devices are used judiciously and avoid over-reliance on certain terms. Additionally, strive for more varied sentence structures to enhance the overall flow of the essay. Consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to create a smoother and more seamless connection between ideas. Overall, maintaining the current logical organization while addressing these minor areas for improvement would elevate the essay to a higher band score.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficiently wide range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying information. The candidate employs less common lexical items with an awareness of style and collocation, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There is evidence of varied vocabulary in presenting the reasons for absenteeism, such as “health issues,” “personal needs,” “stress,” “unexpected problems,” and “family responsibilities.” The use of phrases like “downward tendency,” “reverse pattern,” “wildly fluctuated,” and “relatively unaltered” reflects an attempt at sophistication.

However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as “the data on person needs” (should be “personal needs”) and “wildly fluctuated between roughly 4% and slightly below 15%” (a more precise expression like “ranged from approximately 4% to just under 15%” would enhance accuracy). While these errors do not severely impede communication, they prevent the essay from reaching a higher band score.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource, the writer should strive for more precise word choices and collocations. Careful proofreading can help eliminate minor inaccuracies, ensuring a smoother expression of ideas. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of sophisticated vocabulary and refining the use of uncommon lexical items will contribute to a more polished and precise presentation of information.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a variety of complex structures. The sentences are generally well-constructed, and there are frequent error-free sentences. The use of complex sentence forms, such as subordinate clauses, contributes to the essay’s overall fluency. There are occasional minor errors and inappropriacies, but they do not significantly hinder communication.

For instance, in the sentence, “The chart given illustrates the proportion of various reasons for absence from work of residents who lived in a particular European country from 2000 to 2010,” the use of complex sentence structure and descriptive language enhances the essay’s clarity.

Additionally, phrases like “a reverse pattern could be observed” and “wildly fluctuated between roughly 4% and slightly below 15%” demonstrate a range of sentence structures.

How to improve:
To improve and potentially achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim for even greater accuracy and precision in grammar and punctuation, reducing the occurrence of minor errors. Additionally, while the essay shows good control of complex structures, striving for more consistently error-free sentences could help move toward a Band 8 score.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

Revised IELTS Task 1 Report:

The provided chart delineates the reasons behind work absenteeism among residents of a specific European country during the years 2000, 2005, and 2010.

Introduction:
Overall, the data portrays discernible shifts in the proportions of various factors contributing to work absenteeism over the decade. Notably, health-related causes experienced a gradual decline, while personal needs witnessed an upward trajectory. Stress and unexpected problems exhibited considerable fluctuations, and family responsibilities remained relatively consistent.

Overview:
In 2000, approximately 43% of respondents cited health issues as the primary cause for absenteeism, a trend that diminished to 40% in 2005 and further to 35% in 2010. Conversely, the percentage of individuals attributing their absence to personal needs surged from 15% in 2000 to 20% in 2005, with a modest increase to around 23% in 2010.

Detailed Paragraphs:
The data on stress and unexpected problems displayed notable oscillations, ranging from approximately 4% to just below 15% throughout the ten-year period. In contrast, family responsibilities remained relatively constant, hovering slightly above 25% throughout the surveyed years.

To elaborate further, the decline in health-related absenteeism suggests an improvement in overall well-being among the workforce. Conversely, the rise in absenteeism due to personal needs indicates a shifting prioritization among employees. The fluctuating percentages for stress and unexpected problems suggest a dynamic work environment, potentially influenced by external factors. Meanwhile, the stability in family responsibilities implies a consistent level of commitment among employees with familial obligations.

In conclusion, the provided data illustrates a nuanced pattern of absenteeism reasons, reflecting the interplay of health, personal needs, stress, unexpected problems, and family responsibilities over the specified timeframe.

 

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