The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.

The graph depicts work of Anthropology graduated students after completing a first university degree successfully. The diagram demonstrates the anthropologist’s incomes in five years working.

Overall, there are lots of things that Anthropology graduates did after finishing their undergraduate degree course, including full-time work, part-time work and postgrad study. In contrast, it witness a variety of their salaries’s levels and employments.

The pie chart has two parts with a quantity difference. Particurlarly, majority of student choose a full-time work, which dominates with more than one-half in total. The residual statistics are divided equally with the distance from each occupation arround ten percents. In this group, a part-time work is the leading tendency, which occupies one six of one hundred percents. Secondly, it comes to unemployment. Undetermined and full-time postgraduate are the following data with both one twelfth proportion. Lastly, a combination of part-time work and postgraduate education is the lowest choice.

The table has four wage degrees correspondingly with three types of jobs: freelance consultants, government sector, private companies. After five years’ work, employees most reach the top with ninety percents, on the contrary, the bottom possess twenty percents of workers. To sum up, it starts from 100,000+ dollars and ends at 25,000-49,999 dollars according to descending order.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"work of Anthropology graduated students" -> "work of anthropology graduates"
Explanation: Removing "graduated" corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the phrase, making it more direct and formal.
"successfully" -> "successfully completing their undergraduate degree"
Explanation: Adding "their undergraduate degree" clarifies the context and maintains a formal tone.
"The diagram demonstrates the anthropologist’s incomes in five years working" -> "The diagram illustrates the anthropologists’ salaries over a five-year period"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is more precise than "demonstrates" for visual representations, and "salaries over a five-year period" is more formal and specific than "incomes in five years working."
"there are lots of things that Anthropology graduates did" -> "many Anthropology graduates engaged in"
Explanation: "Engaged in" is more formal and precise than "did," and "many" is a more academic term than "lots of."
"it witness a variety of their salaries’s levels and employments" -> "it reveals a range of salary levels and employment types"
Explanation: "Reveals" is more appropriate than "witness," and "salary levels and employment types" is more specific and formal than "salaries’s levels and employments."
"Particurlarly" -> "particularly"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to maintain professionalism.
"majority of student choose" -> "most students choose"
Explanation: "Most students" is grammatically correct and more formal than "majority of student."
"dominates with more than one-half in total" -> "dominates with over half"
Explanation: "Over half" is a more concise and formal expression.
"the distance from each occupation arround ten percents" -> "the distance from each occupation around 10%"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "around" and uses the numeral "10%" for clarity and formality.
"a part-time work is the leading tendency" -> "part-time work is the dominant trend"
Explanation: "Dominant trend" is more precise and formal than "leading tendency."
"occupies one six of one hundred percents" -> "occupies one-sixth of the total"
Explanation: "One-sixth" is the correct fraction, and "of the total" clarifies the reference.
"Undetermined and full-time postgraduate are the following data" -> "Undetermined and full-time postgraduate studies are the subsequent data"
Explanation: "Subsequent" is more formal than "following," and "postgraduate studies" is more precise than "postgraduate."
"a combination of part-time work and postgraduate education is the lowest choice" -> "a combination of part-time work and postgraduate education is the least preferred option"
Explanation: "Least preferred option" is a more formal and precise term than "lowest choice."
"employees most reach the top with ninety percents" -> "employees typically reach the highest level, earning ninety percent"
Explanation: "Typically" and "earning" are more specific and formal, and "ninety percent" should be written as a numeral for clarity.
"the bottom possess twenty percents of workers" -> "the lowest level comprises twenty percent of workers"
Explanation: "Comprises" is more formal than "possess," and "twenty percent" should be written as a numeral for consistency.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. For example, the essay states that "the pie chart has two parts with a quantity difference" but does not explain what this difference is. The essay also does not adequately highlight the key features of the data. For example, the essay states that "the table has four wage degrees correspondingly with three types of jobs" but does not explain what these wage degrees are or how they relate to the different types of jobs.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by highlighting the key features of the data more effectively. For example, the essay could provide a more detailed explanation of the different wage degrees and how they relate to the different types of jobs. The essay could also provide a more detailed explanation of the different types of work that Anthropology graduates do.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression in the ideas. While it attempts to describe the data from the graph and table, the connections between the points made are often unclear or confusing. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to a disjointed reading experience. Additionally, there are issues with paragraphing; while paragraphs are present, they do not always logically separate different ideas or aspects of the data.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing the information and ensuring clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately and ensuring that each paragraph clearly presents a single central topic. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution will help reduce repetition and enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the chart and the salaries of anthropology graduates, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as "Particurlarly" instead of "Particularly," "incomes" instead of "income," and "arround" instead of "around." These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader, indicating a lack of control over lexical features. Overall, the essay does not effectively utilize a wider range of vocabulary or demonstrate sufficient flexibility and precision in language use.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, while ensuring accuracy in word choice and collocation. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling errors and improve word formation would strengthen the overall clarity of the essay. Using synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help in conveying precise meanings more effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences, but these attempts often lead to inaccuracies. There are several grammatical errors, such as "the anthropologist’s incomes" (should be "the incomes of anthropologists") and "it witness a variety of their salaries’s levels" (should be "it witnesses a variety of their salary levels"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. While there are some accurate structures, the predominance of errors suggests that the overall grammatical control is insufficient for a higher band score.

How to improve: To improve the score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for common errors and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Expanding the range of sentence structures used, particularly by incorporating more complex sentences accurately, will also help. Additionally, practicing the use of appropriate vocabulary and phrases related to data description can enhance clarity and coherence in the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph depicts the employment outcomes of Anthropology graduates from a university after successfully completing their undergraduate degree. The diagram illustrates the incomes of anthropologists after five years in the workforce.

Overall, there are various paths that Anthropology graduates pursued after finishing their degree, including full-time work, part-time work, and postgraduate study. In contrast, there is a noticeable variation in their salary levels and types of employment.

The pie chart is divided into two sections with a significant difference in quantity. Specifically, the majority of students chose full-time work, which accounts for more than half of the total. The remaining statistics are divided equally, with each occupation representing around ten percent. Within this group, part-time work is the most common choice, comprising one-sixth of the total. Following this, unemployment is noted. The categories of full-time postgraduate study and unemployment both represent one-twelfth of the total. Lastly, the combination of part-time work and postgraduate education is the least preferred option.

The table presents four salary levels corresponding to three types of jobs: freelance consultants, government sector positions, and private companies. After five years of work, employees in the top tier earn the most, with salaries reaching 90,000 dollars or more, while the lowest tier has around 20,000 dollars. In summary, the salaries range from over 100,000 dollars to between 25,000 and 49,999 dollars, presented in descending order.