The chart shows the average daily viewing figures for Channel One News over a 12-month period.

The given line graph compares the viewing figures of Channel One news at four different times of the day over the course of one year.

Looking at the graph, it is immediately obvious that 6pm is the timeslot in which the news program enjoys the most views. Additionally, the most dramatic shifts in viewing figures for all four time slots can be witnessed come summer months.

For most months, Channel One news is viewed the most at 6pm with the peak being in January at almost 5 million views per day. The view count for this time slot experiences slight fluctuations throughout the year and descends gradually as December approaches, when it reduces to slightly over 3 million views per day, though still remaining the most viewed time slot.

9:30pm stays the second most popular time slot for Channel One news, despite its viewing figure plunging steeply in August. In fact, 9:30pm is the least viewed time slot in this month at only 1 million views per day. On the other hand, while barely recording any views at the beginning of the year, the 11pm time slot’s view counts accelerates starting in May. In August, it peaks at an impressive 4 million views, making it the highest viewed time slot of Channel One .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given line graph compares the viewing figures of Channel One news at four different times of the day over the course of one year." -> "The provided line graph compares the viewership figures of Channel One news across four time slots over a one-year period."
Explanation: Replacing "the given line graph" with "the provided line graph" and "the course of one year" with "a one-year period" enhances the formality and precision of the introduction, aligning it with academic style.
"it is immediately obvious" -> "it is evident"
Explanation: "It is evident" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "it is immediately obvious," which can sound somewhat colloquial.
"the most dramatic shifts" -> "the most significant fluctuations"
Explanation: "Fluctuations" is more precise and academically appropriate than "shifts" in this context, as it specifically refers to changes in quantity or degree.
"come summer months" -> "during the summer months"
Explanation: "During the summer months" is more formal and precise than "come summer months," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"the most viewed time slot" -> "the most popular time slot"
Explanation: "Popular" is more specific and contextually accurate than "viewed" in this context, as it implies a broader range of engagement beyond just viewership.
"slight fluctuations" -> "moderate fluctuations"
Explanation: "Moderate" is more precise and academically suitable than "slight," which can be vague and understate the actual changes.
"descends gradually" -> "gradually decreases"
Explanation: "Decreases" is a more direct and formal term than "descends," which can be seen as slightly poetic or less precise in an academic context.
"plunging steeply" -> "dramatically decreasing"
Explanation: "Dramatically decreasing" is more formal and precise than "plunging steeply," which can be seen as overly dramatic and less formal.
"barely recording any views" -> "virtually absent"
Explanation: "Virtually absent" is a more precise and formal way to describe the near absence of viewership, avoiding the colloquial tone of "barely recording any views."
"the highest viewed time slot of Channel One" -> "the most popular time slot of Channel One"
Explanation: As mentioned earlier, "most popular" is more specific and appropriate in this context than "highest viewed," which is less precise and slightly redundant.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary to better suit an academic style, enhancing precision, formality, and clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully extend the key features. For example, the essay states that the 6pm time slot is the most viewed, but it does not provide any specific details about the fluctuations in viewing figures for this time slot. Additionally, the essay does not provide a clear comparison of the viewing figures for the different time slots.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the key features of the data. For example, the essay could state that the viewing figures for the 6pm time slot fluctuate between 3 and 5 million viewers per day, and that the viewing figures for the 9:30pm time slot are generally lower than those for the 6pm time slot. The essay could also provide a more detailed comparison of the viewing figures for the different time slots, highlighting the key differences and similarities.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay arranges information and ideas coherently and demonstrates a clear overall progression. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, but there are instances where cohesion within and/or between sentences feels mechanical. For example, the phrase "On the other hand" is used to introduce the 11pm time slot, which may not be the most appropriate transition given the context. Additionally, while paragraphing is used, it is not always logical. The essay could benefit from a more structured approach to paragraphing, ensuring each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the data.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Avoid mechanical use of phrases like "On the other hand" and ensure they fit the context.
Improve Paragraphing: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically follows from the previous one. For instance, separate the discussion of each time slot into distinct paragraphs to improve clarity.
Refine Referencing: Use referencing more clearly and appropriately to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of information. For example, instead of repeating "the 11pm time slot," use pronouns or synonyms where appropriate.
Logical Sequencing: Ensure that the sequence of information is logical and easy to follow. This can be achieved by outlining the main points before writing and ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "fluctuations" and "accelerates," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "the most viewed time slot" and "the highest viewed time slot." There are also minor errors in word formation, such as "view counts accelerates," which should be "view count accelerates." These issues do not impede overall communication but do detract from the lexical resource quality expected at higher band levels.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure precise word choice. Additionally, they should focus on grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and collocation. Using synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help to demonstrate greater flexibility and control over vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues present, they do not significantly hinder communication. For instance, phrases like "the timeslot in which the news program enjoys the most views" and "the least viewed time slot in this month" show an attempt at complexity, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and minor grammatical inaccuracies that detract from overall clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety and complexity of sentence structures while ensuring grammatical accuracy. This can be done by practicing more complex sentence forms, reducing reliance on simple structures, and proofreading to eliminate errors. Additionally, enhancing punctuation use and ensuring that all sentences are clear and coherent will contribute to a better score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given line graph compares the viewing figures of Channel One News at four different times of the day over the course of one year.

Looking at the graph, it is immediately obvious that 6 pm is the timeslot in which the news program enjoys the most views. Additionally, the most dramatic shifts in viewing figures for all four time slots can be observed during the summer months.

For most months, Channel One News is viewed the most at 6 pm, with the peak occurring in January at almost 5 million views per day. The view count for this timeslot experiences slight fluctuations throughout the year and gradually descends as December approaches, when it reduces to slightly over 3 million views per day, though it still remains the most viewed timeslot.

9:30 pm remains the second most popular timeslot for Channel One News, despite its viewing figures plunging steeply in August. In fact, 9:30 pm is the least viewed timeslot in this month, recording only 1 million views per day. On the other hand, while barely registering any views at the beginning of the year, the 11 pm timeslot’s view counts accelerate starting in May. In August, it peaks at an impressive 4 million views, making it the highest viewed timeslot for Channel One.