The charts below show the number of tourist to Australia from three countries in 1995 and 2005, and the types of travels between 1995 and 2005.

The bar chart illustrates the number of visitors to Australia from 3 nations between 1995 and 2005, while the line graph depicts the types of travels of the same period.

Overall, it is evident that the figure for British and American tourists to Australia experienced varying degrees of growth, while that of Japanese underwent a net decrease. Notably, the majority of tourists had come from the UK and the US by 2005, which was by contrast to Japan. In addition, staying at resorts was least preferred at the beginning, while the opposite was true for backpackaging. However, both types of traveling had reached a parity by the end of the time frame.

In terms of tourists to Australia, the figure for the UK exceeded that of the US by a significant amount at the beginning, with their respective figures being 800,000 and 500,000. Thereafter, both experienced a dramatic growth to the same figure of 1,500,000 in 2005, which was comparable with Japan in 1995. Meanwhile, the figure for Japanese tourists had declined remarkably by 500,000 in 2005, being the most significant fall recorded in the survey.

Concerning traveling types, while only around 400,000 tourists chose to stay at resorts in 1995, this number increased gradually throughout, reaching 1,100,000 by 2005, being the most pronounced uptick registered across the board. In contrast, despite commencing with a relatively high figure of 1,600,000 tourists at the beginning, which was eventually followed by a continuous upward trend to its peak of around 2,400,000 in 2000, the figure for backpacking options had plunged to the same point of the other option by the end of the time frame.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart illustrates" -> "The bar chart depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is more precise and academically appropriate than "illustrates" for describing visual representations in formal writing.
"visitors to Australia from 3 nations" -> "visitors to Australia from three nations"
Explanation: "Three" should be written as a numeral to maintain a formal tone and avoid the informal "3."
"while the line graph depicts the types of travels" -> "while the line graph illustrates the types of travel"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe visual representations, and "travel" should be singular to match the singular form "types."
"the figure for British and American tourists to Australia experienced varying degrees of growth" -> "the figures for British and American tourists to Australia exhibited varying degrees of growth"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more precise and formal than "experienced," and "figures" should be plural to match the plural context.
"Notably, the majority of tourists had come from the UK and the US by 2005, which was by contrast to Japan." -> "Notably, the majority of tourists originated from the UK and the US by 2005, whereas Japan differed significantly."
Explanation: "Originated from" is more precise than "had come from," and "whereas" is more formal than "which was by contrast to." Additionally, "differed significantly" is more specific than "was by contrast to."
"staying at resorts was least preferred at the beginning" -> "resort stays were the least preferred option at the beginning"
Explanation: "Resort stays" is more specific and formal than "staying at resorts," and "option" is more precise than "was."
"the opposite was true for backpackaging" -> "the opposite was true for backpacking"
Explanation: "Backpacking" should be used instead of the misspelled "backpackaging."
"both types of traveling had reached a parity" -> "both types of travel had reached parity"
Explanation: "Travel" should be singular to match the singular context, and "parity" is more formal and precise than "a parity."
"the figure for the UK exceeded that of the US by a significant amount" -> "the figure for the UK surpassed that of the US by a considerable margin"
Explanation: "Surpassed" is more precise than "exceeded," and "considerable margin" is more formal than "significant amount."
"which was comparable with Japan in 1995" -> "which was comparable to that of Japan in 1995"
Explanation: "To that of" is more grammatically correct and formal than "with."
"the most significant fall recorded in the survey" -> "the most substantial decline recorded in the survey"
Explanation: "Substantial decline" is a more formal and precise term than "significant fall."
"commencing with a relatively high figure of 1,600,000 tourists" -> "initially with a relatively high number of 1,600,000 tourists"
Explanation: "Initially" is more precise than "commencing with," and "number" is more formal than "figure."
"plunged to the same point of the other option" -> "dropped to the same level as the other option"
Explanation: "Dropped" is more precise and formal than "plunged," and "level" is more appropriate than "point" in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay covers all the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay clearly presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but could be more fully extended. For example, the essay could provide more specific details about the changes in the number of tourists from each country.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes in the number of tourists from each country. For example, the essay could state that the number of British tourists to Australia increased by 700,000 between 1995 and 2005. The essay could also provide more specific details about the changes in the types of travel. For example, the essay could state that the number of tourists who stayed at resorts increased by 700,000 between 1995 and 2005.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating clear progression throughout the response. Each paragraph presents a central topic, and there is a reasonable use of cohesive devices to link sentences and ideas. However, there are instances of under- and over-use of certain cohesive devices, which slightly detracts from the overall cohesion. Additionally, while paragraphing is present and generally effective, there are moments where transitions between ideas could be smoother.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer could focus on refining the use of cohesive devices to ensure they enhance rather than disrupt the flow of ideas. Improving the clarity and logical progression between paragraphs would also contribute to a more cohesive essay. Furthermore, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear and distinct focus while maintaining smooth transitions will enhance the overall coherence of the response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying the information from the charts. The use of less common lexical items, such as "underwent," "parity," and "pronounced uptick," shows an awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and phrasing, such as "backpackaging" instead of "backpacking," and "the most significant fall recorded in the survey" could be more precisely expressed. Overall, while the vocabulary is adequate and somewhat varied, there are noticeable inaccuracies that prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on increasing the range of vocabulary used, ensuring that less common lexical items are employed accurately. Additionally, minimizing errors in word choice and collocation will contribute to a more sophisticated use of language. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying expressions can also help in achieving greater fluency and flexibility in vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces a good number of error-free sentences. The writer shows a solid control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few errors present. For instance, phrases like "the majority of tourists had come from the UK and the US by 2005" and "the figure for Japanese tourists had declined remarkably" exhibit a good command of tense and structure. However, there are minor grammatical inaccuracies, such as "backpackaging" instead of "backpacking," and some awkward phrasing that could be improved for clarity. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 7 due to its effective use of a range of structures and mostly accurate grammar.

How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures for clarity and ensuring that all vocabulary is used correctly. Additionally, minimizing minor errors and awkward phrases will contribute to a higher level of grammatical accuracy. Practicing more complex sentence formations while maintaining clarity will also help in achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the number of visitors to Australia from three nations between 1995 and 2005, while the line graph depicts the types of travel during the same period.

Overall, it is evident that the figures for British and American tourists to Australia experienced varying degrees of growth, while the number of Japanese tourists underwent a net decrease. Notably, the majority of tourists had come from the UK and the US by 2005, in contrast to Japan. Additionally, staying at resorts was the least preferred option at the beginning, whereas backpacking was the most popular. However, both types of travel reached parity by the end of the time frame.

In terms of tourists to Australia, the figure for the UK significantly exceeded that of the US at the outset, with their respective numbers being 800,000 and 500,000. Subsequently, both experienced dramatic growth, reaching the same figure of 1,500,000 in 2005, which was comparable to Japan’s figure in 1995. Meanwhile, the number of Japanese tourists had remarkably declined by 500,000 by 2005, marking the most significant fall recorded in the survey.

Regarding travel types, while only around 400,000 tourists chose to stay at resorts in 1995, this number gradually increased, reaching 1,100,000 by 2005, representing the most pronounced uptick across the board. In contrast, despite starting with a relatively high figure of 1,600,000 tourists initially, which peaked at around 2,400,000 in 2000, the number of backpackers plunged to match that of the resort option by the end of the time frame.