The charts below show the results of a survey of happiness ratings for married and unmarried people in the US, and the effect of children on the overall ratitings of married couples

these two charts present two kind of data : the first is about the happinest level of married and unmarried people in the US and the second give information the impact of children among married couples.

Overall, it is clear that , the ratings for married people is over twice as high as unmarried . However , the presence of children aged under 18 slightly impact on married couples’s happiest,.

As can be seem from the first chart, married couples are happiness than unmarried people with respective figures being 44% and 45% for all four age group. and married people aged 18-29 is happinest, with this age group is just 21 percent happiness . Moreover, the happiness rating for people aged 18-64 unmarried is around 21% but who 65 and over was a significant increase , at 34%.

On the other hand, with in the second chart , the children aged under 18 make married couples happinest , with the rating at 44% . Couples with children 18 + only reported 41 percent of happiness ratings , slightly lower than the couples who have no children with 43 percent of happiness ratings.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"these two charts present two kind of data" -> "these two charts present two types of data"
Explanation: Replacing "kind of data" with "types of data" corrects the grammatical error and uses a more precise term that is appropriate for academic writing.
"the happinest level" -> "the highest level of happiness"
Explanation: "Happinest" is not a standard term and is likely a typographical error. "Highest level of happiness" is the correct and formal expression.
"give information the impact" -> "provide information on the impact"
Explanation: "Give information" is too informal and vague; "provide information on" is more precise and formal.
"the ratings for married people is over twice as high as unmarried" -> "the ratings for married individuals are more than twice those for unmarried individuals"
Explanation: "Is" should be "are" for subject-verb agreement, and "married people" should be "married individuals" for formality and clarity.
"the presence of children aged under 18 slightly impact on married couples’s happiest" -> "the presence of children under 18 has a slight impact on the happiness of married couples"
Explanation: "Slightly impact" is grammatically incorrect; "has a slight impact" is grammatically correct and more formal. Also, "married couples’s happiest" should be "the happiness of married couples" for clarity and grammatical correctness.
"As can be seem" -> "As can be seen"
Explanation: "Seem" should be "seen" to correct the verb form, which is necessary for the passive construction.
"married couples are happiness than unmarried people" -> "married couples are happier than unmarried people"
Explanation: "Happiness" is a noun and cannot be used as an adjective; "happier" is the correct comparative form.
"with this age group is just 21 percent happiness" -> "with this age group reporting only 21% happiness"
Explanation: "Is just" is informal and imprecise; "reporting only" is more formal and specific.
"who 65 and over was a significant increase" -> "those 65 and over experienced a significant increase"
Explanation: "Who" should be "those" for grammatical correctness and clarity, and "was" should be "experienced" to correctly describe the action.
"with in the second chart" -> "in the second chart"
Explanation: "With in" is incorrect; "in" is the correct preposition.
"the children aged under 18 make married couples happinest" -> "children under 18 contribute to the happiness of married couples"
Explanation: "Make married couples happinest" is grammatically incorrect and awkward; "contribute to the happiness of married couples" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"Couples with children 18 + only reported 41 percent of happiness ratings" -> "Couples with children aged 18+ reported a happiness rating of 41%"
Explanation: "Only reported 41 percent of happiness ratings" is awkward and unclear; "reported a happiness rating of 41%" is clearer and more formal.
"slightly lower than the couples who have no children with 43 percent of happiness ratings" -> "lower than those without children, who reported a happiness rating of 43%"
Explanation: "Slightly lower than the couples who have no children with" is awkward and unclear; "lower than those without children, who reported a happiness rating of 43%" is clearer and more formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also presents some inaccurate information, such as stating that married couples are happier than unmarried people in all four age groups.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also be more accurate in its presentation of the data. For example, the essay should state that married couples are happier than unmarried people in three out of the four age groups. The essay should also avoid making subjective statements, such as stating that the presence of children slightly impacts on married couples’ happiness. Instead, the essay should focus on presenting the data objectively.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare happiness ratings between married and unmarried individuals, the structure is somewhat unclear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which detracts from the clarity of the argument. There are instances of repetition, particularly in the use of phrases like "happiness ratings," without sufficient referencing or substitution. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical, making it difficult for the reader to follow the flow of ideas.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearer paragraphing, ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. Improving the use of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, would help create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, providing more accurate data references and avoiding repetition would strengthen the overall clarity and organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main ideas, the use of vocabulary is repetitive and occasionally inappropriate (e.g., "happinest" instead of "happiness" and "happiest"). There are noticeable errors in spelling ("happinest," "ratitings," "with in") and word formation, which may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message. Additionally, the essay lacks the flexibility and precision expected at higher band scores.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition. Attention should also be given to correct spelling and word forms. Incorporating less common lexical items appropriately and ensuring they are used in the right context would contribute to a more sophisticated expression of ideas. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and reading a variety of texts can help improve these areas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate sentences, frequent grammatical errors and punctuation issues are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the impact of children among married couples" and"married couples are happiness than unmarried people" show inaccuracies in word choice and structure. Additionally, errors such as "happinest" and "couples’s happiest" indicate a lack of control over grammar and punctuation.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring accuracy in their usage. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and punctuation errors will enhance clarity. Practicing the use of varied sentence forms and reviewing grammar rules can help in reducing errors and improving overall coherence in writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The two charts present two kinds of data: the first illustrates the happiness levels of married and unmarried people in the US, while the second provides information on the impact of children on the overall happiness ratings of married couples.

Overall, it is clear that the ratings for married individuals are over twice as high as those for unmarried individuals. However, the presence of children aged under 18 slightly impacts the happiness of married couples.

As can be seen from the first chart,married couples are happier than unmarried people, with respective figures of 44% and 45% across all four age groups. Among married individuals, those aged 18-29 report the highest happiness level, with this age group achieving a happiness rating of just 21%. Moreover, the happiness rating for unmarried individuals aged 18-64 is around 21%, while those aged 65 and over show a significant increase, reaching 34%.

On the other hand, in the second chart, children aged under 18 contribute to the happiness of married couples, with a rating of 44%. Couples with children aged 18 and over only report a happiness rating of 41%, which is slightly lower than the 43% happiness rating of couples without children.