The consumption of the world's resources (oil, and water etc.) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are the causes and what can be done ?

The amount of the world’s resources , such as oil and water, is declining at a dangerous rate due to being over-consumed by the public. This essay will examine some reasons and provide feasible solutions to address this problem.
There are some cause leading to the fact that resources are over-consumed. The first reason is that the world is continuously overpopulated. This means that many people living in on that planet, which means the need for resources such as oil and gas in the world continues to increase. For example, the population in the world is using charcoal, oil and water like irreplaceable raw materials in daily activities ,lead to the world's resources is decreasing at a dangerous rate. Another the reasons can be blamed on growth of industry. In fact, thousands of industrial areas and energy plants are being built an annually ,so these industrial areas consume a huge proportion of resources ,such as oil and water. The results of the actions is depletion of natural resources.
Although there are many ill causes, there are still methods to solve for excessive use of natural resources .The most effective way is that the government should needing a strategy to manage population growth ,such as family planning or improving health education ,this is important. Secondly, the government encourage industries and individuals to use renewable resources ,like solar and wind energy, instead of fossil fuels .Not only that ,they should encourage more efficient use of natural resources like water, oil or land .If the above solutions can be well implemented, the environment would be improved.
In conclusion ,there are some roots behind the overconsumption of resource and visible solutions should be proposed by the government to address this issue.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The amount of the world’s resources" -> "The global supply of resources"
Explanation: "The global supply of resources" is a more precise and formal term that better captures the concept of the availability of resources worldwide.
"is declining at a dangerous rate" -> "is decreasing at an alarming rate"
Explanation: "Decreasing at an alarming rate" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase that conveys the urgency and severity of the situation.
"due to being over-consumed by the public" -> "owing to excessive public consumption"
Explanation: "Owing to excessive public consumption" is more formal and avoids the colloquial tone of "being over-consumed."
"There are some cause leading to the fact that" -> "Several factors contribute to the fact that"
Explanation: "Several factors contribute to the fact that" is more precise and avoids the awkward construction of "There are some cause leading to the fact that."
"many people living in on that planet" -> "a large number of people residing on the planet"
Explanation: "A large number of people residing on the planet" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language.
"the need for resources such as oil and gas in the world continues to increase" -> "the demand for resources such as oil and gas globally is escalating"
Explanation: "The demand for resources such as oil and gas globally is escalating" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the global nature of the issue.
"using charcoal, oil and water like irreplaceable raw materials" -> "utilizing charcoal, oil, and water as indispensable raw materials"
Explanation: "Utilizing… as indispensable raw materials" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "like."
"lead to the world’s resources is decreasing" -> "resulting in a decrease in the world’s resources"
Explanation: "Resulting in a decrease in the world’s resources" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"Another the reasons can be blamed on growth of industry" -> "Another factor contributing to this is the growth of industry"
Explanation: "Another factor contributing to this is the growth of industry" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the relationship between the factors.
"thousands of industrial areas and energy plants are being built an annually" -> "thousands of industrial areas and energy plants are being constructed annually"
Explanation: "Are being constructed annually" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal vocabulary.
"The results of the actions is depletion of natural resources" -> "The outcome of these actions is the depletion of natural resources"
Explanation: "The outcome of these actions is the depletion of natural resources" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the relationship between actions and outcomes.
"needing a strategy to manage population growth" -> "developing a strategy to manage population growth"
Explanation: "Developing a strategy" is more precise and formal than "needing a strategy," which is vague and informal.
"encourage industries and individuals to use renewable resources" -> "encourage industries and individuals to adopt renewable resources"
Explanation: "Adopt" is a more precise term than "use" in this context, indicating a more formal and intentional action.
"like water, oil or land" -> "such as water, oil, and land"
Explanation: "Such as" is more appropriate for listing examples, and "and" is needed to correctly connect the items in the list.
"If the above solutions can be well implemented" -> "If these solutions are effectively implemented"
Explanation: "Are effectively implemented" is more formal and precise than "can be well implemented," which is somewhat vague and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively identifies and discusses the causes of resource overconsumption, such as overpopulation and industrial growth. It also proposes solutions, including government strategies for population management and promoting renewable resources. However, the explanation of causes could be more detailed, and the solutions could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, while the mention of family planning is relevant, it lacks specific examples or elaboration on how it could be effectively implemented.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay could include more specific examples of how overpopulation leads to resource depletion and provide concrete strategies for implementing the proposed solutions. For instance, discussing specific policies or programs that have been successful in other countries could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that overconsumption of resources is a significant issue and that government intervention is necessary. However, the position could be articulated more strongly throughout the essay. Phrases like "there are some roots behind the overconsumption" could be more assertive in stating the author’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should use more definitive language and ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the central argument. Reiterating the main thesis in the conclusion and ensuring that each point made supports this thesis will enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the causes and solutions to resource overconsumption. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the discussion on industrial growth mentions the construction of industrial areas but does not elaborate on the specific impacts this has on resource consumption. Additionally, the solutions proposed lack depth; while renewable resources are mentioned, there is no discussion of how to incentivize their use.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the author should provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could include statistics on resource consumption, case studies of successful resource management, or specific technologies that could be promoted. Each idea should be clearly linked to the thesis and expanded upon to provide a comprehensive argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing both the causes and solutions to resource overconsumption. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper. For instance, the phrase "the results of the actions is depletion of natural resources" could be more directly tied back to the specific causes discussed earlier in the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that each point made directly relates to the prompt. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader and reinforce the main ideas. Additionally, avoiding vague phrases and ensuring that each statement is directly related to the causes or solutions will enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in depth, clarity, and coherence. Strengthening the development of ideas and ensuring a consistent, assertive position will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing overpopulation to industrial growth lacks a smooth connection. The phrase "Another the reasons can be blamed on growth of industry" is awkwardly constructed and disrupts the flow of ideas. Additionally, the causes and solutions are somewhat mixed, which can confuse the reader about the main focus of each paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. For example, starting the second paragraph with "One major cause of resource depletion is overpopulation" would clarify the focus. Furthermore, separating the causes and solutions into distinct paragraphs would help maintain a clear structure throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the effectiveness of paragraphing can be improved. The first body paragraph discusses two causes but does not clearly delineate them, leading to a lack of clarity. The second body paragraph attempts to address solutions but could benefit from clearer separation of ideas. The conclusion summarizes the essay but does not effectively restate the main points, which can leave the reader wanting more clarity.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing solely on overpopulation and the other on industrial growth. This would allow for more in-depth discussion of each cause. Additionally, the conclusion should briefly recap the main causes and solutions discussed to reinforce the essay’s key points.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "not only that," but the range is limited. The use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward or incorrectly applied, as seen in "Another the reasons can be blamed on growth of industry," which lacks proper structure and clarity. The essay could benefit from a more varied use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "however." For example, when transitioning from discussing causes to solutions, phrases like "In response to these challenges" or "To combat these issues" could provide a smoother transition. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts will help improve their application in future essays.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, enhancing the logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a stronger overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of resource consumption. Terms such as "over-consumed," "depletion," and "renewable resources" are appropriate and relevant. However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition, such as the frequent use of "resources" without synonyms or variations. For example, the phrase "natural resources" is used multiple times without variation, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "resources," alternatives like "natural assets," "materials," or "commodities" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to environmental issues, such as "sustainability," "conservation," or "exploitation," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes relevant vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the world’s resources is decreasing" should be "the world’s resources are decreasing" to match the plural subject with the correct verb form. Additionally, the expression "ill causes" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning; it would be clearer to say "negative factors" or "adverse causes."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that terms accurately reflect their intended meaning. Reviewing grammar rules and using a thesaurus to find more precise words can help. Furthermore, practicing sentence structure to clarify ideas will enhance overall precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "an annually" should be "annually," and "lead" should be "leading" in the context used. Additionally, "the reasons can be blamed on growth of industry" should be "the reasons can be blamed on the growth of industry" to improve clarity and correctness.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can also be beneficial. Reading more extensively can help familiarize the writer with correct spelling and usage in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use relevant vocabulary, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion. Regular practice and targeted strategies will aid in enhancing these areas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("This essay will examine some reasons and provide feasible solutions to address this problem.") and compound sentences ("Although there are many ill causes, there are still methods to solve for excessive use of natural resources."). However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, the phrase "the world is continuously overpopulated" is straightforward but lacks complexity. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the need for resources such as oil and gas in the world continues to increase," which could be expressed more fluidly.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses or varying sentence openings. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "The first reason is," try beginning with a dependent clause, such as "Due to the continuous overpopulation, the demand for resources has surged." Additionally, using a mix of active and passive voice can enhance variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, the phrase "the world is continuously overpopulated" should be followed by a clearer explanation, and the sentence "the population in the world is using charcoal, oil and water like irreplaceable raw materials in daily activities ,lead to the world’s resources is decreasing at a dangerous rate" has multiple errors, including a misplaced comma and incorrect verb forms. The use of "lead" should be "leading," and "is decreasing" should be "decreasing." Additionally, the phrase "the government should needing a strategy" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "the government should need a strategy."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Practicing sentence construction and reviewing grammar rules can also be beneficial. For punctuation, ensure that commas are used correctly to separate clauses and items in a list. For example, in the sentence "charcoal, oil and water," a comma should precede "and" (Oxford comma) for clarity, especially in complex lists. Consider revising sentences for clarity and correctness before finalizing the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The amount of the world’s resources, such as oil and water, is declining at a dangerous rate due to excessive public consumption. This essay will examine some reasons and provide feasible solutions to address this problem.

There are several causes leading to the fact that resources are over-consumed. The first reason is that the world is continuously overpopulated. This means that a large number of people residing on the planet increases the need for resources such as oil and gas. For example, the global population is utilizing charcoal, oil, and water as indispensable raw materials in daily activities, resulting in a decrease in the world’s resources at an alarming rate. Another factor contributing to this is the growth of industry. In fact, thousands of industrial areas and energy plants are being constructed annually, and these industrial areas consume a huge proportion of resources, such as oil and water. The outcome of these actions is the depletion of natural resources.

Although there are many causes, there are still methods to address the excessive use of natural resources. The most effective way is for the government to develop a strategy to manage population growth, such as family planning or improving health education; this is important. Secondly, the government should encourage industries and individuals to adopt renewable resources, like solar and wind energy, instead of fossil fuels. Not only that, but they should also promote more efficient use of natural resources like water, oil, and land. If these solutions are effectively implemented, the environment would improve.

In conclusion, there are several roots behind the overconsumption of resources, and visible solutions should be proposed by the government to address this issue.