The contribution of various economic sectors to Xcountry Gross Domestic Product in 2016, 2017 and 2018.

The table chart illustrates the rate of GDP from three sectors of the economy to Xcountry in three successive years from 2016 to 2018.

From an overall perspective, it is evident that the service industry was by far the most important sector of the economy in this country with the greatest contribution to the total GDP in all three years in question. It is also important to note that there was a fall in the proportion of GDP from services over the period surveyed while the reserve trend was true for the case of industry and agriculture. As is illustrated, Xcountry witnessed a slight decline in the rate of GDP from service from 65% in 2016 to 55% in 2016, before decreasing by 9% over the last year of the time frame in 2018. In contrast, in terms of industry, there was a steady increase in the proportion of GDP from this sector, rising from 22% in 2016 to 30% in 2017, and then a year later, this figure for industry was exactly at 30%. On the other hand, the percentage of GDP from Agriculture varied greatly, with a steady drop from 13% in 2016 to 11% in 2017, before this rate recovered and soared to 15% in 2018.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the table chart illustrates" -> "the table presents"
Explanation: "Presents" is a more formal and precise term than "illustrates" in this context, as it indicates the display of data without implying a visual representation.
"the service industry was by far the most important sector of the economy" -> "the service industry was the predominant sector of the economy"
Explanation: "Predominant" conveys a sense of significance without the informal tone of "by far the most important," enhancing the academic tone.
"the greatest contribution to the total GDP" -> "the highest contribution to the overall GDP"
Explanation: "Highest" is a more precise term than "greatest," and "overall" is more formal than "total," improving clarity and formality.
"there was a fall in the proportion of GDP from services" -> "there was a decline in the proportion of GDP attributed to services"
Explanation: "Decline" is a more formal term than "fall," and "attributed to" specifies the source of the GDP, enhancing precision.
"the reserve trend was true for the case of industry and agriculture" -> "the reverse trend was observed in the case of industry and agriculture"
Explanation: "Reverse" is the correct term, and "observed" is more formal than "true," improving clarity and academic tone.
"witnessed a slight decline in the rate of GDP from service" -> "experienced a slight decline in the GDP contribution from services"
Explanation: "Experienced" is a more formal alternative to "witnessed," and "GDP contribution from services" is clearer and more precise than "rate of GDP from service."
"before decreasing by 9% over the last year of the time frame in 2018" -> "before decreasing by 9% in the final year of the period, 2018"
Explanation: "Final year of the period" is more concise and formal than "last year of the time frame," improving clarity.
"the percentage of GDP from Agriculture varied greatly" -> "the percentage of GDP from agriculture fluctuated significantly"
Explanation: "Fluctuated" is a more precise term than "varied greatly," and "significantly" is more formal than "greatly," enhancing academic tone.
"before this rate recovered and soared to 15% in 2018" -> "before this rate rebounded to 15% in 2018"
Explanation: "Rebounded" is a more formal and precise term than "recovered and soared," which conveys a more dramatic connotation that may not be appropriate in an academic context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the key features of the data. The essay also presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be more fully extended. For example, the essay could provide more detailed analysis of the changes in the contribution of each sector to GDP.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the changes in the contribution of each sector to GDP. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons for the decline in the contribution of the service sector to GDP, or the reasons for the increase in the contribution of the industry sector to GDP. The essay could also provide more specific examples to illustrate the trends in the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. The main trends are highlighted, and the data is compared effectively. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that may disrupt the flow. For example, the phrase "the reserve trend was true for the case of industry and agriculture" could be more clearly articulated. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it lacks a logical structure in some areas, particularly in the transition between discussing different sectors.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, avoiding repetition and ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth. Improving paragraph structure by clearly defining the main idea of each paragraph and ensuring that all sentences within a paragraph relate to that idea would also help. Lastly, refining awkward phrases and ensuring clarity in referencing will contribute to a more cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms relevant to economic sectors and GDP. However, there are attempts to use less common vocabulary that are not always accurate, such as "reserve trend," which should be "reverse trend." Additionally, there are some errors in word choice and repetition, such as the phrase "the rate of GDP from service" which could be more clearly expressed. While the spelling and word formation errors do not impede communication, they do detract from the overall quality of the lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision. This could include employing more sophisticated synonyms and ensuring that less common lexical items are used correctly. Additionally, reducing repetition and varying sentence structures would contribute to a more engaging and fluent expression of ideas. Finally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors would help to eliminate minor mistakes that could affect clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to use a variety of structures, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, the phrase "the reserve trend was true for the case of industry and agriculture" contains a typographical error ("reserve" should be "reverse"), which detracts from the overall accuracy. Additionally, the sentence "this figure for industry was exactly at 30%" could be more clearly expressed. Overall, while the communication is generally effective, the presence of errors indicates that the essay does not fully meet the criteria for a higher band.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and reducing errors in sentence structure. This can be accomplished by proofreading the essay for typographical mistakes and ensuring that complex sentences are constructed correctly. Expanding the range of vocabulary and using more varied sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated writing style, which is essential for scoring above a Band 6.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table chart illustrates the contribution of three economic sectors to Xcountry’s Gross Domestic Product (GDP) over three successive years from 2016 to 2018.

From an overall perspective, it is evident that the service industry was by far the most significant sector of the economy in this country, contributing the greatest share to the total GDP in all three years in question. It is also important to note that there was a decline in the proportion of GDP from services over the period surveyed, while the reverse trend was observed for both industry and agriculture. As illustrated, Xcountry experienced a slight decrease in the GDP contribution from services, falling from 65% in 2016 to 55% in 2017, before dropping by an additional 9% to 46% in 2018. In contrast, the industry sector saw a steady increase in its GDP contribution, rising from 22% in 2016 to 30% in 2017, and maintaining this figure in 2018. On the other hand, the percentage of GDP from agriculture varied significantly, with a steady decline from 13% in 2016 to 11% in 2017, before this rate recovered and surged to 15% in 2018.