The diagram below shows how a biofuel called ethanol is produced. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows how a biofuel called ethanol is produced.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The provided diagram provides insights into the production of ethanol

From an overall perspective, it is readily evident that there are 7 main stages, commencing with harvesting and culminating with the carbon dioxide emitted combining with the sunlight to repeat the process. Moreover, the sets of stages that involve manufacturing ethanol are as follows: harvesting and processing, with the latter one requiring relatively specialized equipment.

Initially, the process begins with collecting plants and trees which absorb the energy consisting of sunlight and carbon dioxide. Subsequently, the harvested plants undergo a pre-processing phase in order to extract cellulose. Henceforth, the processing procedure now begins, creating sugars from the extracted substance. Once the sugars are produced, microbes are then added to produce ethanol. Following this, the final product is distributed for numerous means of transport, including cars, trucks and aircrafts. Finally, as the aforementioned transportations emit carbon dioxide while functioning, the emitted substance is released and then absorbed by plants and trees, marking the restart of the process.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The provided diagram" -> "The diagram provided"
Explanation: Moving "the" to the end of the phrase "diagram provided" aligns with the formal structure of academic writing, where the definite article is typically placed after the noun phrase.
"readily evident" -> "clearly evident"
Explanation: "Clearly" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "readily," which can imply ease of understanding that may not be universally applicable.
"commencing with harvesting and culminating with the carbon dioxide emitted combining with the sunlight to repeat the process" -> "initiating with harvesting and concluding with the carbon dioxide emitted combining with sunlight to restart the process"
Explanation: "Initiating" and "concluding" are more precise terms than "commencing" and "culminating," and "restart" is more accurate than "repeat" in this context, as it indicates the cyclical nature of the process.
"the sets of stages that involve manufacturing ethanol are as follows" -> "the stages involved in ethanol manufacturing are as follows"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase to "stages involved in ethanol manufacturing" enhances clarity and conciseness, making it more suitable for academic writing.
"the latter one" -> "the latter stage"
Explanation: "The latter one" is informal and vague; "the latter stage" is more precise and formal.
"collecting plants and trees which absorb the energy consisting of sunlight and carbon dioxide" -> "collecting plants and trees that absorb energy from sunlight and carbon dioxide"
Explanation: "That absorb energy from" is more specific and avoids the awkward construction "which absorb the energy consisting of."
"the processing procedure now begins, creating sugars from the extracted substance" -> "the processing procedure now begins, producing sugars from the extracted substance"
Explanation: "Producing" is more precise than "creating" in this context, as it directly relates to the transformation of materials in the process.
"Once the sugars are produced, microbes are then added to produce ethanol" -> "Once sugars are produced, microbes are then added to ferment the sugars to produce ethanol"
Explanation: Adding "ferment the sugars" clarifies the specific action taken by the microbes, enhancing the accuracy and specificity of the description.
"the final product is distributed for numerous means of transport, including cars, trucks and aircrafts" -> "the final product is distributed for various modes of transportation, including cars, trucks, and aircraft"
Explanation: "Various modes of transportation" is more formal and precise than "numerous means of transport," and removing the comma after "transport" aligns with standard punctuation rules.
"the emitted substance is released and then absorbed by plants and trees, marking the restart of the process" -> "the emitted carbon dioxide is released and then absorbed by plants and trees, thereby restarting the process"
Explanation: Specifying "carbon dioxide" and using "thereby restarting" instead of "marking the restart" enhances precision and clarity, aligning better with formal academic language.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the process of ethanol production, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not adequately highlight the key features of the process, and it does not make comparisons where relevant. For example, the essay does not compare the different stages of the process in terms of their duration or complexity.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the process, highlighting the key features of each stage, and making comparisons where relevant. For example, the essay could compare the pre-processing stage to the processing stage in terms of their complexity and the equipment required. The essay could also compare the different types of transportation that use ethanol as fuel.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the initial harvesting to the final distribution of ethanol. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the transitions between stages could be clearer. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 6 by demonstrating a coherent structure but lacks the sophistication and clarity required for higher bands.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates to the overall topic. Additionally, refining the transitions between stages of the process would help in presenting a more seamless progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. The use of terms such as "harvesting," "processing," "cellulose," and "microbes" indicates an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary. However, there are inaccuracies and awkward phrases, such as "the emitted substance is released and then absorbed by plants and trees," which could be phrased more clearly. Additionally, there are some errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the carbon dioxide emitted combining with the sunlight," which lacks clarity. Overall, while the vocabulary is sufficient for communication, it does not fully meet the criteria for higher bands due to these inaccuracies and occasional awkwardness.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and ensuring precise word choice. Practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions related to the topic can also help. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and coherence can reduce awkward phrasing and improve overall readability.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which aligns with the characteristics of Band 6. While the writer attempts to use various structures, there are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that detract from clarity. For instance, phrases like "the carbon dioxide emitted combining with the sunlight" could be clearer. Additionally, there are some punctuation issues, such as missing commas that could improve readability. However, the errors do not significantly impede communication, which is a positive aspect of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility.
Error Correction: Review the essay for grammatical errors and awkward constructions, ensuring that sentences are clear and concise.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly the use of commas to separate clauses and improve the flow of ideas.
Clarity: Aim for clearer expression of ideas, especially in complex sentences, to ensure that the reader easily understands the intended meaning.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram illustrates the production process of a biofuel known as ethanol.

From an overall perspective, it is clear that there are seven main stages, beginning with harvesting and culminating with the carbon dioxide emitted combining with sunlight to restart the cycle. Furthermore, the stages involved in manufacturing ethanol include harvesting and processing, with the latter requiring relatively specialized equipment.

Initially, the process starts with the collection of plants and trees that absorb energy from sunlight and carbon dioxide. Subsequently, the harvested plants undergo a pre-processing phase to extract cellulose. Following this, the processing procedure commences, converting the extracted substance into sugars. Once the sugars are produced, microbes are added to facilitate the production of ethanol. After this, the final product is distributed for various means of transport, including cars, trucks, and aircraft. Finally, as these modes of transportation emit carbon dioxide during operation, the released substance is absorbed by plants and trees, marking the restart of the process.