The diagram below shows how a biofuel called ethanol is produced Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The diagram below shows how a biofuel called ethanol is produced
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The picture illustrates the manufacturing and reproduction process of a biofuel known as ethanol.
Overall, the process comprises a number of significant changes, from the absorb of plants and trees from the energy in the atmosphere, with experiencing a life cycle of making ethanol.
At the beginning of the process, while plants and trees grow up, the energy which includes sunlight and carbon dioxide, is absobed by these plants before being harvested by farmers. After being pre-processed carefully for transforming into cellulose, plants are processed in a laboratory with some chemicals. At the end of this stage, there is a formation of sugars, which becomes one of the ingredients of microbes, adding to the process of ethanol production.
The ethanol is used in some vehicles such as private cars, trucks and planes, releasing toxic fumes and carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. These carbon dioxide mix the sunlight which are called energy, are reabsorbed in some trees, following by the start of the ethanol production again.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The picture illustrates" -> "The diagram illustrates"
Explanation: "Diagram" is more precise and formal than "picture" when referring to a visual representation of a process or system.
"absorb of plants and trees" -> "absorption of plants and trees"
Explanation: "Absorption" is the correct noun form to use here, referring to the process of taking in substances or energy.
"with experiencing a life cycle of making ethanol" -> "through a life cycle of ethanol production"
Explanation: "Through" is more appropriate than "with" in this context, indicating the process by which ethanol is produced. "Ethanol production" is also a more formal and precise term than "making ethanol."
"grow up" -> "grow"
Explanation: "Grow" is sufficient and more formal in this context, eliminating the informal phrase "grow up."
"the energy which includes sunlight and carbon dioxide" -> "the energy comprising sunlight and carbon dioxide"
Explanation: "Comprising" is a more precise and formal verb than "includes," which is somewhat vague in this context.
"is absobed" -> "is absorbed"
Explanation: "Absobed" is a typographical error; the correct spelling is "absorbed."
"are processed in a laboratory with some chemicals" -> "are processed in a laboratory using certain chemicals"
Explanation: "Using" is more specific and appropriate than "with" in describing the manner in which chemicals are employed in the process.
"there is a formation of sugars" -> "sugars are formed"
Explanation: "Sugars are formed" is a more direct and formal way to express the action of sugar production.
"adding to the process of ethanol production" -> "further contributing to the ethanol production process"
Explanation: "Further contributing to" is more precise and formal than "adding to," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"The ethanol is used in some vehicles such as private cars, trucks and planes" -> "Ethanol is used in various vehicles, including private cars, trucks, and planes"
Explanation: "Including" is more formal than "such as," and "various" is more precise than "some" when describing the types of vehicles.
"releasing toxic fumes and carbon dioxide into the atmosphere" -> "emitting toxic fumes and carbon dioxide into the atmosphere"
Explanation: "Emitting" is a more technical and precise term than "releasing" in the context of environmental emissions.
"These carbon dioxide mix the sunlight which are called energy" -> "These carbon dioxide molecules combine with sunlight, which is referred to as energy"
Explanation: "Combine" is a more accurate term than "mix" in chemistry, and "referred to as" is more formal than "which are called."
"following by the start of the ethanol production again" -> "and thus initiating the ethanol production cycle again"
Explanation: "And thus initiating" provides a clearer and more formal transition, and "the ethanol production cycle" is a more precise term than "the start of the ethanol production again."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the process and the information is not presented in a logical order. The essay also includes irrelevant information, such as the use of ethanol in vehicles and the release of toxic fumes.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the process, highlighting the key features and making comparisons where relevant. The essay should also be written in a more concise and accurate way, avoiding irrelevant information and focusing on the main points. The essay should also be written in a more formal and academic tone.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to outline the process of ethanol production, the sequence of ideas is not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, such as "these carbon dioxide mix the sunlight which are called energy," which obscures the intended meaning. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized; the ideas could be better grouped to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay should focus on clearer organization of ideas, ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. Improving the use of cohesive devices—by avoiding repetition and ensuring logical connections between sentences—will enhance coherence. Additionally, refining the language to eliminate inaccuracies and awkward phrasing will contribute to a more polished and coherent response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the process of ethanol production, there are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as "absorb" instead of "absorbed" and "mix" instead of "mixed." These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message. The use of basic vocabulary is repetitive, and there is a lack of variety in lexical choices, which limits the overall effectiveness of the communication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, particularly less common lexical items relevant to the topic. Additionally, attention should be paid to correct word forms and collocations to avoid inaccuracies. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help to improve the richness and precision of language used in the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures. While it attempts to use some complex sentences, these are often inaccurate or poorly constructed, which affects clarity. Frequent grammatical errors, such as "absobed" instead of "absorbed" and "mix the sunlight which are called energy" instead of "mix with the sunlight, which is called energy," hinder effective communication. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, which can cause confusion for the reader. Overall, the essay shows an attempt to convey information but lacks the accuracy and range required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Practice constructing a variety of sentence types, including complex and compound sentences, ensuring that they are grammatically correct.
Proofreading: Carefully check for spelling and grammatical errors before submission. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing or mistakes.
Punctuation: Review the rules of punctuation to ensure clarity and correctness in sentence construction.
Vocabulary: Expand vocabulary to allow for more precise expression of ideas, which can also help in constructing varied sentence structures.

Bài sửa mẫu

The picture illustrates the manufacturing and production process of a biofuel known as ethanol. Overall, the process comprises several significant changes, beginning with the absorption of energy from the atmosphere by plants and trees, which undergo a life cycle to produce ethanol.

At the beginning of the process, while plants and trees grow, they absorb energy from sunlight and carbon dioxide before being harvested by farmers. After being carefully pre-processed to transform into cellulose, the plants are then processed in a laboratory with various chemicals. At the end of this stage, sugars are formed, which become one of the key ingredients for the microbes involved in the ethanol production process.

Ethanol is used in various vehicles, such as private cars, trucks, and planes, where it releases toxic fumes and carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. This carbon dioxide, which mixes with sunlight—referred to as energy—is reabsorbed by some trees, leading to the initiation of the ethanol production cycle once again.