The diagram below shows how leather goods are produced. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant.

The diagram illustrates the production of leather goods.

Overall, there are eleven distinct steps in this process, beginning with the drying of animal skins and ending with the production of various types of leather goods.

At the first stage in the process, a hide is first hung on a line and dried in the sun before being transported by truck to a factory where it undergoes different cleaning processes. At the factory, it is soaked in a mixture of water and lime to kill any harmful bacteria. After washing, it is submerged in lime juice to prevent it from growing bacteria before being flattened by a special machine.

Turning to the remaining stages, the flattened skin is soaked again but this time in tannin, which is a combination of water and vegetable matter. Following this, the skin experiences a polishing process before being delivered to another factory, again by truck, where it is used to make different kinds of products, such as leather bags or shoes.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagram illustrates the production of leather goods." -> "The diagram depicts the production of leather goods."
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise verb for describing the representation of a process in a diagram, aligning better with academic style.
"beginning with the drying of animal skins" -> "initiating with the drying of animal hides"
Explanation: "Initiating" is more formal and precise than "beginning," and "hides" is a more specific term than "skins" in the context of leather production.
"it is soaked in a mixture of water and lime to kill any harmful bacteria." -> "it is immersed in a solution of water and lime to eliminate harmful bacteria."
Explanation: "Immersed" is more precise than "soaked," and "eliminate" is more formal than "kill," which is typically less academic.
"After washing, it is submerged in lime juice to prevent it from growing bacteria" -> "Following washing, it is immersed in lime juice to inhibit bacterial growth"
Explanation: "Following" is more formal than "After," and "inhibit bacterial growth" is a more precise and scientifically accurate term than "prevent it from growing bacteria."
"it is flattened by a special machine" -> "it is processed by a specialized machine"
Explanation: "Processed" is a more formal term than "flattened," and "specialized" is more precise than "special."
"the flattened skin is soaked again but this time in tannin" -> "the flattened hide is immersed again in tannin"
Explanation: "Hide" is a more specific term than "skin" in the context of leather production, and "immersed" is more formal than "soaked."
"which is a combination of water and vegetable matter" -> "a solution comprising water and vegetable matter"
Explanation: "A solution comprising" is a more precise and formal expression than "a combination of."
"the skin experiences a polishing process" -> "the hide undergoes a polishing treatment"
Explanation: "Undergoes" is more formal than "experiences," and "treatment" is a more precise term in the context of industrial processes.
"before being delivered to another factory, again by truck, where it is used to make different kinds of products" -> "prior to being transported to another factory by truck, where it is utilized in the production of various products"
Explanation: "Prior to being transported" is more formal than "before being delivered," and "utilized in the production of" is more precise and formal than "used to make different kinds of products."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the process and highlighting key features. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features, and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay mentions that the skin is soaked in tannin, which is a combination of water and vegetable matter, but it does not mention that the tannin is used to preserve the skin. Additionally, the essay states that the skin is delivered to another factory by truck, but it does not mention that the skin is then used to make leather goods.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the key features of the process. For example, the essay could explain the purpose of each stage in the process and how the different stages are related to each other. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate information about the process. For example, the essay could state that the skin is soaked in tannin to preserve it, rather than simply stating that it is soaked in tannin.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, providing a clear overall progression from the initial drying of animal skins to the final production of leather goods. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. While the essay uses paragraphing, it does not always do so logically, as the transition between stages could be more fluid. Overall, the central topic is presented clearly, but the organization could be enhanced for a higher score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, clearer transitions between stages of the process would improve logical progression. Ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a distinct part of the process while maintaining a smooth connection to the previous and next stages would also strengthen coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task of describing the production of leather goods. The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, and the writer attempts to incorporate some less common terms, such as "tannin" and "polishing process." However, there are instances of imprecision and some inaccuracies in word choice, such as "flattened by a special machine," which lacks specificity. Additionally, the essay contains minor errors in word formation and spelling, such as "bacteria" being used repetitively without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical resource. These issues prevent the essay from achieving a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to diversify their vocabulary further by incorporating synonyms and varying expressions to avoid repetition. They could also work on using more precise language to describe processes and materials, ensuring that less common lexical items are used accurately. Additionally, paying attention to spelling and word formation will help to reduce errors and improve clarity. Engaging with a wider range of reading materials related to the topic could also help in acquiring more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While the majority of the sentences are clear and convey the intended meaning, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that detract from the overall accuracy. For instance, the phrase "it is submerged in lime juice to prevent it from growing bacteria" could be misleading, as lime juice is typically used for tanning rather than preventing bacterial growth. Additionally, the sentence structure could be more varied to enhance the complexity of the writing. Overall, the errors present do not significantly impede communication, but they are noticeable enough to prevent a higher score.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility in grammar usage.
Error Correction: Review the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Ensuring that each sentence is grammatically correct will enhance clarity.
Precision in Language: Use precise language to avoid ambiguity, especially when describing processes. For example, clarify the role of lime in the tanning process.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation to ensure it supports the clarity of the sentences. Proper punctuation can help convey the intended meaning more effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the production process of leather goods.

Overall, there are eleven distinct steps in this process, commencing with the drying of animal skins and concluding with the creation of various types of leather goods.

At the initial stage, a hide is hung on a line and dried in the sun before being transported by truck to a factory, where it undergoes several cleaning processes. At the factory, it is soaked in a mixture of water and lime to eliminate any harmful bacteria. After washing, it is submerged in lime juice to prevent bacterial growth before being flattened by a specialized machine.

Turning to the subsequent stages, the flattened skin is soaked again, this time in tannin, which consists of water and vegetable matter. Following this, the skin undergoes a polishing process before being delivered to another factory, again by truck, where it is used to manufacture various products, such as leather bags and shoes.