The diagram below shows how one type of coal is used to produce electricity.

The given diagram depicts the process of making electricity from one type of coal.
There are several stages of this process. Beginning with coal is mined from the mine and then ending with electricity is delivered to houses and factories.
First of all, the coal is digged from the mine. After that, they are crushed into small pieces for easy packing. The following stages is that the crushed coal is packed and delivered to the gasifier. Having arrived to the gasifer, the coal is then added heat and released gas. The second step is that the gas is transported to the cooling to waste heat. After this stage, the gas is taken to the machines in the cleaning to be purified and moved to the gas power plant. In this stage, they are transferred to manufacture electricity by wasting heat. In the final stage, the electricity is used in resident's homes and industrial factories.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"coal is mined from the mine" -> "coal is extracted from the mine"
Explanation: "Mined" is redundant when referring to coal extraction, as "mining" inherently implies extraction from a mine. "Extracted" is a more concise and precise term.
"coal is digged from the mine" -> "coal is excavated from the mine"
Explanation: "Digged" is not standard English; "excavated" is a more formal and appropriate term for removing coal from a mine.
"they are crushed into small pieces" -> "it is crushed into small pieces"
Explanation: The subject is singular ("coal"), so the pronoun "it" should be used instead of "they" for grammatical agreement.
"the crushed coal is packed and delivered to the gasifier" -> "the crushed coal is transported to the gasifier"
Explanation: "Packed" implies putting something into containers, which may not be the case here. "Transported" is a more general term that encompasses the movement of goods from one place to another.
"Having arrived to the gasifer" -> "Upon reaching the gasifier"
Explanation: "Having arrived" is awkward and passive. "Upon reaching" is a more concise and active alternative.
"added heat and released gas" -> "subjected to heat and produces gas"
Explanation: "Added heat and released gas" is awkward phrasing. "Subjected to heat and produces gas" is clearer and more direct.
"the gas is transported to the cooling to waste heat" -> "the gas is cooled to dissipate heat"
Explanation: "Transported to the cooling to waste heat" is unclear. "Cooled to dissipate heat" more accurately describes the process of removing heat from the gas.
"machines in the cleaning to be purified" -> "equipment in the purification process"
Explanation: "Machines in the cleaning to be purified" is ambiguous. "Equipment in the purification process" clarifies that the machines are used for purifying the gas.
"transferred to manufacture electricity" -> "used to generate electricity"
Explanation: "Transferred to manufacture electricity" is grammatically incorrect. "Used to generate electricity" accurately describes the purpose of the gas in the process.
"electricity is used in resident’s homes" -> "electricity is utilized in residential homes"
Explanation: "Resident’s homes" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "residential homes." "Utilized" is a more formal term for "used."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by describing the process of generating electricity from coal. It provides an overview of the main stages involved, such as mining coal, crushing it, gasification, purification, and electricity generation. However, the essay lacks coherence and clarity in presenting the process. Some details are inaccurately stated, such as "coal is digged," which should be "coal is mined." Additionally, the explanation of certain stages is vague, such as the "cleaning to waste heat" and "machines in the cleaning to be purified," which could be more clearly explained. Overall, while the key features of the process are touched upon, the essay lacks depth and precision in its descriptions.

How to improve:

Ensure accurate language usage throughout the essay. For example, use "mined" instead of "digged."
Provide clearer explanations of each stage of the process, avoiding vague phrases like "cleaning to waste heat" and "machines in the cleaning to be purified."
Enhance coherence and organization to improve the flow of ideas and make the process clearer to the reader.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay presents the information, but the coherence and cohesion are weak. There is an attempt at organizing ideas into stages, but the progression is not clear, and the sequencing of information is disjointed. The use of cohesive devices is limited and often inaccurate, leading to a lack of clarity in conveying the process. Additionally, paragraphing is inadequate, with the essay lacking clear paragraph breaks, contributing to the overall confusion.

How to improve:

Organization and Progression: Clearly outline the stages of the process in a logical sequence from start to finish.
Cohesive Devices: Use a variety of cohesive devices such as transition words and pronouns to create smoother connections between ideas.
Paragraphing: Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single stage of the process, with clear transitions between them to enhance readability and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition of basic words and phrases such as "coal," "mine," and "electricity." While there is an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, it lacks sophistication and variety. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation throughout the essay, such as "digged" instead of "dug" and "gasifier" instead of "gasifier plant." Additionally, there are spelling and word formation errors, such as "delivered" instead of "delivery" and "resident’s" instead of "residents’."

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using more varied and appropriate terms related to the process of generating electricity from coal. They should also pay attention to word choice, spelling, and word formation to avoid errors that may affect the clarity and precision of their writing. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary and phrasing would enhance the sophistication of the essay’s lexical features.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to describe the process but contains numerous grammatical errors and lacks control over sentence structures and punctuation. Errors and inaccuracies in grammar and punctuation distort the meaning of the sentences. For example, "First of all, the coal is digged from the mine" and "Having arrived to the gasifer, the coal is then added heat and released gas."

How to improve: To improve, the essay needs significant work on grammar and sentence structure. Use correct verb forms (e.g., "dug" instead of "digged"), ensure subject-verb agreement, and improve punctuation. Practice using a wider range of sentence structures and more complex sentences.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram illustrates the process of generating electricity from a specific type of coal. This process involves several sequential stages, commencing with the extraction of coal from the mine and concluding with the distribution of electricity to residential areas and industrial facilities.

To begin with, coal is extracted from the mine. Subsequently, it undergoes crushing into smaller fragments for efficient packaging. The next step involves the packing and delivery of the crushed coal to the gasifier. Upon reaching the gasifier, the coal is subjected to heat, leading to the release of gas.

Following this, the gas is conveyed to a cooling mechanism to dissipate excess heat. Subsequent to cooling, the gas is directed to cleansing apparatus to remove impurities before being transferred to the gas power plant. Within this stage, the gas is utilized to generate electricity, utilizing waste heat.

Ultimately, the electricity generated is distributed to residential households and industrial factories, serving as the final stage of the process.