The diagram below shows how one type of coal is used to produce electricity.

The diagram illustrates how electricity is generated from one specific kind of coal.
Overall, there are five main steps in the diagram, starting with crushing coal and ending with converting produced gas to electricity.
At the beginning of the process, coal is collected from the mine and subsequently crushed into smaller pieces. Then, these pieces are transported to a gasifier where solid coal is transformed to gas thanks to provided heat. The gas is left cooling down in a different place, while waste heat is removed from it.
One the temperature of the gas has become acceptable, it undergoes a cleaning step. After the gas is completely purified, it is relocated and put into a gas power plant. The electricity generation starts. In the meantime, more waste heat is discarded. At the end, electricity produced from the gas in the gas power plant is provided to a large number of institutes and housing areas for industrial purposes and daily activities of citizens.

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Errors and Improvements:

"One the temperature of the gas has become acceptable" -> "Once the temperature of the gas has reached an acceptable level"
Explanation: "One" is incorrect here; it should be "Once" to indicate a specific point in time. Additionally, "has become acceptable" can be replaced with "has reached an acceptable level" for clarity and precision.
"institutes" -> "institutions"
Explanation: "Institutes" typically refers to specialized organizations or facilities, whereas "institutions" is a more general term that encompasses a wider range of entities, fitting better in this context where various places receive electricity.
"housing areas" -> "residential areas"
Explanation: "Housing areas" is somewhat informal; "residential areas" is a more formal and precise term to describe locations where people live.
"for industrial purposes and daily activities of citizens" -> "for both industrial purposes and the daily activities of citizens"
Explanation: Adding "both" clarifies that electricity is used for both industrial purposes and daily activities, making the sentence more precise and structured.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main stages involved in generating electricity from coal. It presents the key features of the process, including coal collection, crushing, gasification, cleaning, and electricity generation. However, some aspects could be more fully developed, such as providing additional details about each stage and the significance of the process.

How to improve:
To improve, consider expanding on each stage of the process with more specific information, such as the technologies used, quantities involved, and environmental impacts. Additionally, ensure that all key features are fully explained and relevant to the overall process of electricity generation from coal.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes the information and ideas, with clear progression from one step to the next in the process of electricity generation from coal. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic related to the steps in the process, from coal collection to electricity distribution. The essay also uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately to connect ideas, such as transition words like "Overall," "Then," "After," and "In the meantime." Additionally, the essay effectively uses referencing to connect related steps in the process, enhancing coherence.

How to improve: To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that paragraphing is consistent throughout the essay and that each paragraph focuses on a single aspect or step of the process to enhance clarity and organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow for flexibility and precision in conveying the process described in the diagram. There is a good attempt to use less common vocabulary ("gasifier," "purified") which shows some awareness of technical terminology. Additionally, the essay utilizes a variety of lexical items related to the process, such as "crushing coal," "transformed to gas," and "relocated," enhancing the overall lexical range. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "One the temperature" instead of "Once the temperature," which slightly affect clarity.

How to improve: To improve, focus on refining word choice and collocation to minimize occasional inaccuracies. Proofreading for minor errors like the one mentioned ("One the temperature") can enhance overall clarity and coherence. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of technical vocabulary related to the process could further enrich the lexical resource and increase precision in conveying the steps involved.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, contributing to a fair level of grammatical range. There is a variety of sentence structures used, such as compound and complex sentences. The essay attempts to incorporate complex structures, albeit with occasional errors. For instance, "One the temperature of the gas has become acceptable…" contains a grammatical error ("One" should be "Once"). Additionally, there are some issues with word choice and awkward phrasing that slightly impact clarity and coherence.

How to improve:

Focus on enhancing the accuracy of complex sentence structures to avoid errors like the one mentioned above.
Review word choice and phrasing for clarity and coherence.
Ensure consistent punctuation usage throughout the essay.
Expand the range of sentence structures by incorporating more varied complex sentences.
Practice proofreading to catch and correct errors before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram delineates the process by which electricity is generated from a specific variant of coal. In essence, the process comprises five key stages, commencing with the crushing of coal and culminating in the conversion of resultant gas into electricity.

Initially, coal is extracted from the mine and subsequently subjected to crushing, reducing it into smaller fragments. These fragments are then conveyed to a gasifier, where the solid coal undergoes transformation into gas facilitated by the application of heat. The generated gas is then transferred to a designated location for cooling, with simultaneous extraction of waste heat.

Once the gas attains an optimal temperature, it undergoes a purification process to eliminate impurities. Following thorough purification, the gas is redirected to a gas power plant for the initiation of electricity generation. Concurrently, surplus waste heat is dissipated.

Ultimately, electricity derived from the gas within the gas power plant is distributed to various institutions and residential areas to cater to industrial requirements and daily necessities of the populace.