The diagram below shows how potato chips are made. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The picture depicts the process of potato chip manufacture.

Overall, the process includes three main stages and seven different steps, with four steps of preparing to cook, two steps of cooking, and the last step of packaging.

To begin, the potatoes are collected and then come to the sorting area, where the staff takes the high-quality potatoes and brings them to the washer. After, the potatoes are purified by cold rinse water, then the cleaned potatoes go to the peeler to remove peels and starch. Subsequently, the vegetables are sliced in the slicer and moved to the flat bed conveyor to prepare the next step.

Turning to the other stages, the potato slices are dipped into the deep dryer. The fried potato products are added with some salt before being sent to the bag packer and bulk can filler with the assistance of a flat belt conveyor. Finally, finished products are packaged and delivered.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The picture depicts the process of potato chip manufacture." -> "The illustration illustrates the process of potato chip manufacturing."
Explanation: "Illustrates" is more precise than "depicts" in this context, as it specifically refers to the visual representation of a process. Additionally, "manufacturing" is more formal and appropriate than "manufacture" in academic writing.
"Overall, the process includes three main stages and seven different steps, with four steps of preparing to cook, two steps of cooking, and the last step of packaging." -> "The process comprises three primary stages and seven distinct steps, comprising four stages of preparation, two stages of cooking, and a final stage of packaging."
Explanation: "Comprises" is a more formal verb than "includes," and "distinct" is more precise than "different." The rephrasing also enhances clarity and formality.
"the potatoes are collected and then come to the sorting area" -> "the potatoes are collected and subsequently transported to the sorting area"
Explanation: "Subsequently transported" is more formal and precise than "come to," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.
"the staff takes the high-quality potatoes" -> "the staff selects the high-quality potatoes"
Explanation: "Selects" is a more precise verb than "takes," which is less specific in this context.
"the potatoes are purified by cold rinse water" -> "the potatoes are cleaned using cold rinse water"
Explanation: "Cleaned" is more specific than "purified," which might imply a chemical process. "Using" is also more formal than "by" in this context.
"the cleaned potatoes go to the peeler to remove peels and starch" -> "the cleaned potatoes proceed to the peeler to remove peels and starch"
Explanation: "Proceed" is a more formal and precise term than "go," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"the vegetables are sliced in the slicer" -> "the potatoes are sliced in the slicer"
Explanation: "Vegetables" is too general; "potatoes" is the specific subject being processed.
"moved to the flat bed conveyor to prepare the next step" -> "transferred to the flat bed conveyor for preparation of the subsequent step"
Explanation: "Transferred" and "for preparation of the subsequent step" are more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone.
"the potato slices are dipped into the deep dryer" -> "the potato slices are immersed in the deep fryer"
Explanation: "Immersed" is more precise than "dipped," and "deep fryer" is the correct term for the equipment used in potato chip manufacturing.
"The fried potato products are added with some salt" -> "The fried potato products are seasoned with salt"
Explanation: "Seasoned" is a more precise and formal term than "added with," which is vague and informal.
"sent to the bag packer and bulk can filler with the assistance of a flat belt conveyor" -> "sent to the bag packer and bulk can filler, assisted by a flat belt conveyor"
Explanation: Removing the comma after "packer" improves readability, and "assisted by" is a more formal way to express the role of the conveyor.
"finished products are packaged and delivered" -> "the finished products are packaged and shipped"
Explanation: "Shipped" is more specific and formal than "delivered," which can be too general and informal for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the process and highlighting the main features. The essay presents a clear overview of the process, dividing it into three stages. It also adequately highlights the key features, such as the different steps involved in each stage. However, the essay does not fully extend the description of the key features, and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay mentions that the potatoes are "purified by cold rinse water," which is not a necessary detail.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed descriptions of the key features. For example, the essay could describe the different types of conveyors used in the process, or the specific methods used to salt the chips. The essay could also be improved by avoiding irrelevant details, such as the mention of "purified by cold rinse water."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas in a coherent manner, demonstrating a clear overall progression from one stage of the potato chip manufacturing process to the next. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some steps could be grouped more effectively to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This could involve using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph clearly represents a distinct stage of the process. Additionally, refining the use of referencing and substitution could help reduce repetition and improve overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "manufacture," "sorting area," "purified," and "packaging." However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice, such as "the staff takes the high-quality potatoes," which could be more naturally expressed as "the staff selects high-quality potatoes." Additionally, phrases like "the vegetables are sliced in the slicer" could be improved for clarity and conciseness. There are some minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "bag packer" which should be "bag-packer." While these errors do not impede communication, they do detract from the overall lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure that word choices are precise and contextually appropriate. Additionally, reducing errors in spelling and word formation will help convey the message more clearly. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can also improve the overall fluency and flexibility of vocabulary use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, there are noticeable grammatical errors and some awkward phrasing (e.g., "After, the potatoes are purified by cold rinse water" could be more clearly expressed). These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and punctuation. This can be done by proofreading for common errors and practicing more complex sentence forms. Additionally, ensuring that each sentence flows logically and clearly will help improve coherence and overall quality. Expanding the range of vocabulary and using more varied sentence structures can also enhance the grammatical range.

Bài sửa mẫu

The picture depicts the process of potato chip manufacture.

Overall, the process consists of three main stages and seven distinct steps, which include four steps for preparation, two steps for cooking, and a final step for packaging.

To begin, the potatoes are collected and then taken to the sorting area, where staff select the high-quality potatoes and transfer them to the washer. Next, the potatoes are cleaned using cold rinse water, after which the washed potatoes proceed to the peeler to remove their skins and starch. Subsequently, the vegetables are sliced using a slicer and conveyed to the flat bed conveyor in preparation for the next step.

Turning to the subsequent stages, the potato slices are immersed in the deep fryer. After frying, the potato products are seasoned with salt before being sent to the bag packer and bulk can filler with the assistance of a flat belt conveyor. Finally, the finished products are packaged and delivered.