The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee.

The picture depicts how honey bees groư from eggs to mature individuals.
Overall, there are six primary stages in the development of a honey bee, commencing with laying eggs, culminating at the maturity of bees. This lifespan of bees occurs for 34-36 days.
To begin with, female bees are able to lay 1 to 2 eggs once every three days which are subsequently hatched between day 9 and day 10. Once being hatched, these eggs break and give the first bee entities appearance.
After 5 days, the former bees grow in size and moult for the first time. The second moulting happens two days later, in which there is generation of wings. Then, it takes 2 days for the young adults to emerge, followed by a process of 4 days to fully become mature bees and the cycle now could be repeated.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"groư" -> "grow"
Explanation: "Grow" is the correct spelling of the verb describing the development of honey bees from eggs to mature individuals.
"commencing with laying eggs" -> "beginning with oviposition"
Explanation: "Oviposition" is a more precise term for the process of laying eggs, suitable for scientific or formal contexts.
"maturity of bees" -> "bee maturity"
Explanation: "Bee maturity" is a more concise and appropriate term to refer to the stage when bees reach full development.
"lifespan of bees occurs for" -> "the lifespan of a bee lasts"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase for clarity and grammatical correctness.
"able to lay" -> "capable of laying"
Explanation: "Capable of laying" is a more formal and precise phrase to describe the ability of female bees to lay eggs.
"hatched between day 9 and day 10" -> "hatched between the ninth and tenth days"
Explanation: Clarifying the timeframe using ordinal numbers for precision.
"eggs break and give the first bee entities appearance" -> "eggs hatch, giving rise to the first bee entities"
Explanation: Using "hatch" instead of "break" and rephrasing for clarity and precision.
"former bees grow in size" -> "larvae increase in size"
Explanation: "Larvae" is a more specific term for the developmental stage of bees before adulthood.
"moult" -> "molt"
Explanation: "Molt" is the correct spelling of the word describing the shedding of the outer exoskeleton during growth.
"young adults to emerge" -> "young adults emerge"
Explanation: Simplifying the sentence structure for clarity and conciseness.
"a process of 4 days to fully become mature bees" -> "a four-day process to reach full maturity"
Explanation: Rearranging the sentence for clarity and precision.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay addresses the requirements of the Task 1 essay by presenting the life cycle of the honey bee. It provides an overview of the stages of development, including some specific details such as timing and sequence of events. However, the explanation of the stages sometimes includes inaccuracies or unclear information. For example, the statement "female bees are able to lay 1 to 2 eggs once every three days" might be misleading regarding typical bee reproduction behaviors. Additionally, the essay could benefit from clearer and more precise descriptions of the developmental stages, such as the specifics of the moulting process and the development of wings.

How to improve:
To improve and potentially achieve a higher band score, focus on enhancing the accuracy and relevance of the details provided. Clarify key developmental stages with more precision and ensure that all information is factually correct and directly relevant to the diagram being described. Additionally, enhancing the logical flow between stages and using more varied sentence structures could help present a clearer and more developed response. Avoid ambiguous or unclear descriptions that might confuse the reader.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, outlining the stages of the honey bee life cycle. However, there is a lack of overall progression, as the transitions between stages are not smoothly connected. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and sometimes inaccurate, which affects the flow of the essay. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some ideas grouped together without clear logical breaks.

How to improve:

Ensure a clear overall progression by connecting the stages of the honey bee life cycle more coherently.
Use a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately to improve the flow of ideas.
Avoid inaccuracies and repetition in the use of cohesive devices.
Organize the essay into well-defined paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect or stage of the life cycle, to enhance clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

[
Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, with some attempts at using less common vocabulary such as "entities," "moult," and "culminating." However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice ("groư"), grammatical errors ("the former bees"), and awkward phrasing ("once being hatched"). Despite these issues, the communication is not impeded, and the intended meaning is generally clear.

How to improve:
To achieve a higher band score, the essay should focus on refining word choice and correcting spelling errors. Try to use more precise vocabulary and ensure that words are spelled correctly. Additionally, avoid awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes, which can affect clarity. Proofreading the essay to catch minor errors can also help improve overall lexical resource and raise the band score.
]

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. There are instances of complex structures attempted, such as subordinate clauses, but they are often less accurate, leading to grammatical errors. The essay demonstrates an effort to vary sentence structure but lacks consistency and accuracy in doing so. Additionally, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. Punctuation is also faulty in several places.

How to improve:

Focus on improving sentence structure variety while ensuring accuracy. Practice incorporating more complex structures such as relative clauses and conditional sentences.
Review grammar rules, particularly verb conjugation and subject-verb agreement, to reduce errors.
Pay attention to punctuation, especially the use of commas and apostrophes, to enhance clarity and coherence.
Proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct any grammatical errors before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram illustrates the various stages in the life cycle of a honey bee.

Overall, the life cycle of a honey bee consists of six distinct stages, beginning with the laying of eggs and concluding with the bees reaching maturity. This process spans approximately 34-36 days.

Initially, female bees have the capability to lay 1 to 2 eggs every three days, with these eggs hatching between day 9 and day 10. Upon hatching, the eggs transform into bee larvae.

Around 5 days later, the young larvae undergo their first molting, followed by a second molting two days after, during which wings begin to develop. Subsequently, it takes an additional 2 days for the emerging adults to fully develop, completing their transformation into mature bees. At this stage, the cycle repeats itself.

Overall, the diagram presents a clear depiction of the sequential stages in the life cycle of honey bees, highlighting the gradual progression from egg to mature bee.