The diagram below shows the process of plastic bottle production. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the process of plastic bottle production.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram depicts the process of how plastic bottles are produced.

Overall, it is evident that there are 6 different phases in manufacturing plastic bottles, from melting a preform to filling it with pressurized air in a mold, and producing plastic bottles in the final stage.

Looking at the graph more closely, one can see that in the first step, a preform is taken inside an extruder machine and heated until its melting. After that, it is put into a mold that encloses the preform in order that it can have a standard shape form of a plastic bottle.

Following this, a needle is inserted in the top of the preform and it is injected pressurized air to give off for making it larger. Besides, the air extends the preform until it suits the size and shape of the mold entirely. The bottles are removed from the mold that is covered by it to reveal the final plastic bottle.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagram depicts the process of how plastic bottles are produced." -> "The diagram illustrates the manufacturing process of plastic bottles."
Explanation: "Illustrates" is more precise and academically appropriate than "depicts" in this context, and "manufacturing process" is a more specific term than "process of how."
"it is evident that there are 6 different phases" -> "it is clear that there are six distinct stages"
Explanation: "It is clear" is more formal than "it is evident," and "six distinct stages" is more precise than "6 different phases."
"melting a preform to filling it with pressurized air in a mold" -> "melting a preform to filling it with compressed air in a mold"
Explanation: "Compressed air" is more accurate than "pressurized air," as it specifically refers to the process of reducing the volume of air by applying pressure.
"producing plastic bottles in the final stage" -> "producing the final plastic bottles"
Explanation: "Producing the final plastic bottles" is more concise and avoids redundancy by removing unnecessary repetition of "plastic."
"a preform is taken inside an extruder machine and heated until its melting" -> "a preform is inserted into an extruder machine and heated until it melts"
Explanation: "Inserted" is more precise than "taken inside," and "until it melts" corrects the grammatical error in the original phrase.
"it is put into a mold that encloses the preform in order that it can have a standard shape form of a plastic bottle" -> "it is placed into a mold that encloses the preform to achieve a standard shape for a plastic bottle"
Explanation: "Placed" is more formal than "put," and "to achieve a standard shape for a plastic bottle" clarifies the purpose of the mold’s function.
"a needle is inserted in the top of the preform and it is injected pressurized air to give off for making it larger" -> "a needle is inserted into the top of the preform, injecting compressed air to expand it"
Explanation: "Injected" is more precise than "it is injected," and "expand it" is more direct and formal than "give off for making it larger."
"the air extends the preform until it suits the size and shape of the mold entirely" -> "the air expands the preform until it matches the size and shape of the mold"
Explanation: "Expands" is more accurate than "extends" in this context, and "matches" is more formal than "suits."
"The bottles are removed from the mold that is covered by it to reveal the final plastic bottle" -> "The bottles are removed from the mold, which covers it, to reveal the final plastic bottle"
Explanation: "Which covers it" clarifies the relationship between the mold and the preform, and removing the redundant "that is covered by it" improves readability and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the process of plastic bottle production. It identifies the main stages and presents some key features, such as the use of a preform, a mold, and pressurized air. However, the essay lacks clarity and conciseness in its description of the process. The language is also somewhat repetitive and could be more precise.

How to improve:

Focus on clarity and conciseness: The essay could be improved by using more concise language and avoiding unnecessary repetition. For example, instead of saying "Looking at the graph more closely, one can see that in the first step, a preform is taken inside an extruder machine and heated until its melting," the writer could simply say "First, a preform is heated in an extruder machine until it melts."
Use more precise language: The essay could be improved by using more precise language to describe the process. For example, instead of saying "a needle is inserted in the top of the preform and it is injected pressurized air to give off for making it larger," the writer could say "Pressurized air is injected into the preform through a needle, causing it to expand."
Make comparisons where relevant: The essay prompt asks the writer to make comparisons where relevant. The writer could have made comparisons between the different stages of the process, such as the difference between the preform and the final plastic bottle.
Use a more formal tone: The essay could be improved by using a more formal tone. For example, instead of saying "Here is the original image," the writer could say "The original image is shown below."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression through the stages of plastic bottle production. However, while cohesive devices are used, they sometimes appear mechanical or lack variety, leading to moments where the flow is disrupted. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better logical organization, as the transitions between steps are not always smooth. Additionally, the referencing could be clearer, particularly in the latter part of the essay where "it" and "the preform" could lead to confusion regarding what is being referred to.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs will also help. Additionally, using more specific references instead of pronouns can clarify the subject matter for the reader, thereby strengthening the overall clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, using terms like "extruder machine," "mold," and "pressurized air." However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "its melting" instead of "melting" and "give off for making it larger," which could confuse the reader. There are also some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "suits" instead of "suit" and awkward phrasing that detracts from clarity. Overall, while the vocabulary is sufficient to communicate the main features of the process, the inaccuracies and errors prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and correct collocations. Additionally, practicing spelling and varying sentence structures can help improve clarity and sophistication. Incorporating less common lexical items appropriately and ensuring accurate word forms will also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "its melting" (should be "it melts") and "to give off for making it larger" (which is awkwardly phrased). While these errors do not significantly hinder communication, they are noticeable and detract from the overall clarity. The essay attempts to describe the process clearly, but the grammatical inaccuracies and occasional awkward phrasing indicate a need for improvement in accuracy and control.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Grammar Accuracy: Review and correct grammatical structures, ensuring that verb tenses and forms are used correctly.
Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures while maintaining accuracy.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to enhance clarity and readability.
Clarity of Expression: Aim for clearer phrasing, particularly in complex ideas, to avoid awkward constructions.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram depicts the process of how plastic bottles are produced.

Overall, it is evident that there are six distinct phases in the manufacturing of plastic bottles, starting from melting a preform to filling it with pressurized air in a mold, culminating in the production of the final plastic bottles.

Looking at the diagram more closely, one can see that in the first step, a preform is placed inside an extruder machine and heated until it melts. After that, it is placed into a mold that encases the preform to ensure it takes on the standard shape of a plastic bottle.

Following this, a needle is inserted into the top of the preform, and pressurized air is injected to expand it. Additionally, the air stretches the preform until it completely fits the size and shape of the mold. The bottles are then removed from the mold, which has encased them, to reveal the final plastic bottle.