The diagram illustrates how recycled paper is made. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The process provides information about steps that need to be taken to recycle paper. Overall, the entire procedure consists of four main phrases including the creation of pulp, filtering and cleaning then finally making recycled paper
The first step begins with putting used paper in conveyor belts to delivery them to location where have water and chemical. The mixture between used paper and water and chemicals makes paper is decomposed before creating unfiltered pulp.
A process of filter occurs in the next stage as unfiltered pulp is sifted through membrane before turn into filter pulp.
The following period is cleaning as filtered pulp is washed using by using water and soap . In this steps, using air pump to generate power that promoting purification process and releasing ink.
In the last stage, using heated roller to press cleaned pulp and separate from water before making final product that is recycled paper

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Overall, the entire procedure consists of four main phrases" -> "Overall, the entire process comprises four primary stages"
Explanation: Replacing "phrases" with "stages" corrects the misuse of "phrases" which refers to units of language, not steps in a process. "Comprises" is more formal and precise than "consists of" in academic writing.
"filtering and cleaning then finally making recycled paper" -> "filtering, cleaning, and then producing recycled paper"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "cleaning" improves the sentence structure and readability. The phrase "then producing" is more formal and precise than "then finally making."
"putting used paper in conveyor belts to delivery them to location where have water and chemical" -> "loading used paper onto conveyor belts to transport it to areas with water and chemicals"
Explanation: "Loading" is more precise than "putting," and "transport it to areas with water and chemicals" is more specific and formal than "delivery them to location where have water and chemical."
"makes paper is decomposed" -> "breaks down the paper"
Explanation: "Breaks down" is a more direct and academically appropriate term than "makes paper is decomposed," which is awkward and grammatically incorrect.
"filter occurs in the next stage as unfiltered pulp is sifted through membrane before turn into filter pulp" -> "filtration occurs in the next stage, where unfiltered pulp is sifted through a membrane to produce filter pulp"
Explanation: "Filtration" is the correct term for the process, and "where" is used correctly to introduce the clause, enhancing clarity and formality.
"The following period is cleaning as filtered pulp is washed using by using water and soap" -> "The subsequent step involves cleaning, where filtered pulp is washed using water and soap"
Explanation: "The subsequent step" is more formal than "The following period," and "involves" is more precise than "is." Also, removing "using by using" corrects the redundancy and grammatical error.
"using air pump to generate power that promoting purification process" -> "utilizing an air pump to generate power that enhances the purification process"
Explanation: "Utilizing" is more formal than "using," and "enhances" is more precise than "promoting," which is vague in this context.
"releasing ink" -> "removing ink"
Explanation: "Removing ink" is a more accurate description of the action in the context of cleaning and purification.
"using heated roller to press cleaned pulp and separate from water before making final product that is recycled paper" -> "using a heated roller to press the cleaned pulp and separate it from water before producing the final product, recycled paper"
Explanation: "A heated roller" specifies the type of roller, and "separate it from water" corrects the awkward phrasing. "Producing the final product" is more formal than "making final product."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the process, and the information is recounted mechanically. The essay also does not adequately cover all of the key features of the process. For example, the essay does not mention the use of water and chemicals in the first stage of the process, and it does not adequately describe the role of the air pump in the cleaning stage.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the process, and by adequately covering all of the key features of the process. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language and by avoiding unnecessary repetition. For example, the essay could be improved by replacing the phrase "using by using" with "using" and by replacing the phrase "promoting purification process" with "purifying".

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are notable issues with overall progression. While it attempts to outline the steps in the recycling process, the transitions between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, with some phrases being repetitive and lacking variety. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay does not clearly separate distinct stages of the process, which detracts from coherence.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by using clearer transitions between steps. Employing a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring they are used appropriately will help in connecting sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, organizing the essay into distinct paragraphs for each stage of the recycling process will improve clarity and readability. Finally, reviewing the use of language to avoid repetition and ensure accurate referencing will strengthen the overall structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the recycling process, there are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "the mixture between used paper and water and chemicals makes paper is decomposed," which is awkward and unclear. Additionally, phrases like "using by using water and soap" and "promoting purification process" indicate a lack of control over word formation and collocation. Spelling and grammatical errors are present, which may cause some difficulty for the reader, but the overall message is still somewhat understandable.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise word choices. Avoiding repetitive phrases and improving grammatical accuracy would enhance clarity. Additionally, incorporating less common lexical items appropriately and ensuring correct collocation can help convey ideas more effectively. Finally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would improve the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts some complex sentences; however, these attempts are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as "where have water and chemical" (should be "where there is water and chemicals") and "using by using water and soap" (should be "using water and soap"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the process described. Additionally, punctuation is often faulty, which further detracts from the clarity of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy by reviewing sentence structures and ensuring that complex sentences are used correctly. Increasing the variety of sentence forms and reducing the frequency of errors will enhance clarity. Additionally, careful proofreading can help identify and correct punctuation mistakes, which will contribute to a more polished final product.

Bài sửa mẫu

The process illustrates the steps involved in recycling paper. Overall, the entire procedure consists of four main phases, including the creation of pulp, filtering and cleaning, and finally, the production of recycled paper.

The first step begins with placing used paper onto conveyor belts, which transport it to a location where water and chemicals are present. The mixture of used paper, water, and chemicals causes the paper to decompose, resulting in the formation of unfiltered pulp.

In the next stage, a filtering process occurs as the unfiltered pulp is sifted through a membrane, transforming it into filtered pulp.

The subsequent phase involves cleaning, where the filtered pulp is washed using water and soap. During this step, an air pump is employed to generate power, which promotes the purification process and helps release ink.

In the final stage, heated rollers are used to press the cleaned pulp and separate it from water, ultimately producing the final product: recycled paper.