The diagram shows how to make jam from fruit. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where the relevent

The diagram indicates how jam is produced. Overall, it is noticeable that the process consists of several steps, starting from washing 4 kg of fruit with water and ending with the enjoyment of jam during family breakfast.

In the initial stage of the procedure, the fruit is washed using a water tap before being transferred to a masher to crush the fruit to make jam. The jam that meets the standards is then mixed with sugar, peanuts, and water to enhance the flavor. Besides, four cups of water and 2 cups of sugar will be added immediately in the next step for the sweetening. Alternatively, a high temperature is employed to heat the mixture for about a specified duration that is minutes.

The next steps involve pouring the jam into different containers. Then, all the containers are sealed with lids to prevent spoilage, after which they are left for one hour. Finally, the resulting jam is enjoyed during family breakfast.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Overall, it is noticeable that" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and precise term that enhances the academic tone of the introduction, replacing the more casual "Overall, it is noticeable that".
"starting from washing 4 kg of fruit with water" -> "beginning with the washing of 4 kg of fruit with water"
Explanation: "Beginning with the washing of" is more formal and precise, clearly indicating the initiation of the process, improving the academic tone.
"ending with the enjoyment of jam during family breakfast" -> "concluding with the consumption of jam during family breakfast"
Explanation: "Concluding with the consumption of" is more formal and specific, replacing the vague "enjoyment" which could imply a broader range of activities beyond just eating.
"the fruit is washed using a water tap" -> "the fruit is washed with water from a tap"
Explanation: "With water from a tap" is more precise and formal, specifying the source of the water used in the process.
"to crush the fruit to make jam" -> "to crush the fruit to produce jam"
Explanation: "To produce" is a more formal and precise term than "to make," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"the jam that meets the standards" -> "the jam that meets the required standards"
Explanation: Adding "required" specifies the type of standards being referred to, enhancing clarity and formality.
"peanuts, and water" -> "peanuts and water"
Explanation: Removing the comma after "peanuts" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.
"four cups of water and 2 cups of sugar will be added immediately" -> "four cups of water and two cups of sugar are immediately added"
Explanation: Changing "will be" to "are" corrects the tense to match the present continuous action, and "two" is the correct form for the numeral two in this context.
"a high temperature is employed to heat the mixture for about a specified duration that is minutes" -> "a high temperature is employed to heat the mixture for a specified duration of minutes"
Explanation: "A specified duration of minutes" corrects the awkward phrasing and clarifies the time period, making the sentence more readable and formal.
"pouring the jam into different containers" -> "pouring the jam into various containers"
Explanation: "Various" is more formal than "different," and it is more precise in an academic context.
"all the containers are sealed with lids to prevent spoilage" -> "all containers are sealed with lids to prevent spoilage"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "containers" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.
"after which they are left for one hour" -> "after which they are left for an hour"
Explanation: "An hour" is the correct indefinite article usage, enhancing the formality and precision of the time specification.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and grammar to meet the standards of academic writing, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing a summary of the process of making jam. However, the essay does not present a clear overview of the main features of the process. The essay recounts details mechanically, with no clear overview. For example, the essay mentions that the jam is mixed with sugar, peanuts, and water to enhance the flavor, but it does not explain how this affects the final product. The essay also focuses on details, such as the amount of sugar and water used, rather than on the overall process.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the process, highlighting the main features of each step. The essay could also be improved by providing more analysis of the process, explaining how each step contributes to the final product. For example, the essay could explain how the high temperature used in the process helps to preserve the jam. The essay should also avoid irrelevant details, such as the fact that the jam is enjoyed during family breakfast. The essay should focus on the process of making jam, not on the consumption of the jam.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While the steps of making jam are mentioned, the transitions between ideas are not smooth, leading to a somewhat disjointed flow. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, such as the phrase "Alternatively, a high temperature is employed," which does not logically follow the previous step. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay lacks clear separation of ideas and stages in the process.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clearer connections between sentences and ideas. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help improve the flow of the essay. Additionally, organizing the information into distinct paragraphs that each cover a specific part of the process would provide better clarity and progression. Finally, ensuring that all details are accurate and relevant will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "produced," "washed," "masher," and "enhance the flavor." However, the use of less common vocabulary is limited, and there are instances of inaccuracy, particularly in phrases like "the jam that meets the standards," which lacks clarity. Additionally, there are some errors in word formation and awkward phrasing, such as "a specified duration that is minutes," which detracts from overall coherence. While the communication is generally effective, these issues prevent the essay from achieving a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, particularly less common lexical items, and ensure precise word choice. Improving the accuracy of word formation and avoiding awkward phrases will also contribute to better clarity. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures could further enrich the vocabulary used in the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the accuracy of these attempts is inconsistent. There are grammatical errors present, such as "the enjoyment of jam during family breakfast," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, the phrase "for about a specified duration that is minutes" is awkward and unclear, indicating a lack of precision in language use. However, the errors do not significantly impede communication, allowing the reader to understand the overall process described.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety and complexity of sentence structures while ensuring grammatical accuracy. Reducing the number of errors and improving clarity in expressions will enhance the overall quality of the writing. Practicing the use of more sophisticated vocabulary and refining sentence construction will also contribute to a stronger performance in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the process of producing jam from fruit. Overall, it is evident that the procedure consists of several steps, beginning with washing 4 kg of fruit with water and concluding with the enjoyment of jam during family breakfast.

In the initial stage of the process, the fruit is washed under a water tap before being transferred to a masher to crush it. The jam that meets the required standards is then mixed with sugar, peanuts, and water to enhance its flavor. Additionally, four cups of water and two cups of sugar are added in the subsequent step for sweetening. Alternatively, a high temperature is applied to heat the mixture for a specified duration of minutes.

The following steps involve pouring the jam into various containers. Subsequently, all the containers are sealed with lids to prevent spoilage, after which they are left to rest for one hour. Finally, the resulting jam is enjoyed during family breakfast.