the differences between countries are becoming less and less evident. people all over the world wear the same fashions, watch the same t.v. channels, use the same brands and have similar eating habits. do you think that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

With the current globalization trend, distinctions among nations in terms of people's lifestyle, access to information, eating habits and cultural aspects are becoming more blurred. From my perspective, although some potential drawbacks of this development can be seen, they are eclipsed by the considerable benefits.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that there are some disadvantages to this trend. First and foremost, the adoption of pervasive global culture negatively impacts the cultural identity of each country. Indeed, teenagers nowadays may forfeit their national cultural identities involved in traditional dishes, customs, behaviors and so on. Over time, this makes national cultures less vibrant and distinctive. For instance, with the rising trend of the Korean entertainment industries, many adolescents in Vietnam are addicted to the Korean lifestyle. This overall is still a harmless trend, but in extreme cases, it has led to young adults degrading their own cultural identities.

On the other hand, one of the most obvious advantages of this global alignment is that by following news globally, many developing countries, which encounter social issues, can gain deeper insights into possible solutions. This helps these nations address problems effortlessly and then fosters social order. Taking the recent US presidential election, this attracted many Vietnamese whether they had interest in politics or not. As a result, this year’s election in Vietnam saw a peak in engagement among young adults, with many discussions in online forums.

In conclusion, while the trend of global homogenization has some negative impacts on each country’s cultural identity, it also facilitates the way people broaden their horizons about solving social issues. In my opinion, the advantages brought by this development far outweigh the disadvantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"With the current globalization trend" -> "In the context of contemporary globalization"
Explanation: "In the context of contemporary globalization" provides a more formal and precise introduction to the topic, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"distinctions among nations in terms of people’s lifestyle, access to information, eating habits and cultural aspects" -> "differences between nations in lifestyle, access to information, dietary habits, and cultural practices"
Explanation: Replacing "distinctions among nations" with "differences between nations" and specifying "dietary habits" and "cultural practices" instead of "eating habits and cultural aspects" refines the language to be more precise and formal.
"are becoming more blurred" -> "are increasingly becoming less distinct"
Explanation: "Are increasingly becoming less distinct" is a more formal and precise way to describe the diminishing differences between nations, aligning better with academic style.
"some potential drawbacks" -> "certain potential drawbacks"
Explanation: "Certain" is more specific and formal than "some," which is vague and less precise in academic writing.
"the adoption of pervasive global culture" -> "the widespread adoption of global culture"
Explanation: "Widespread" is more specific and academically appropriate than "pervasive," which can be seen as overly dramatic or informal in this context.
"negatively impacts" -> "negatively affects"
Explanation: "Affects" is the correct verb to use in this context, as it is more appropriate for describing the impact on cultural identity.
"teenagers nowadays" -> "young people today"
Explanation: "Young people today" is a more formal and inclusive term than "teenagers nowadays," which is somewhat informal and colloquial.
"involved in traditional dishes, customs, behaviors and so on" -> "engaged with traditional cuisine, customs, and behaviors"
Explanation: "Engaged with" is more precise and formal than "involved in," and "cuisine" is a more specific term than "dishes," enhancing the academic tone.
"this overall is still a harmless trend" -> "this trend is generally harmless"
Explanation: "This trend is generally harmless" is a more direct and formal way to express the assessment, avoiding the informal "overall" and "still."
"degrading their own cultural identities" -> "eroding their own cultural identities"
Explanation: "Eroding" is a more precise and formal term than "degrading," which can carry a negative connotation that might be too strong for this context.
"by following news globally" -> "through global news coverage"
Explanation: "Through global news coverage" is a more formal and precise way to describe the means by which people stay informed about global issues.
"encounter social issues" -> "face social challenges"
Explanation: "Face social challenges" is a more formal and appropriate expression than "encounter social issues," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"address problems effortlessly" -> "address problems more effectively"
Explanation: "Address problems more effectively" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase than "address problems effortlessly," which is overly simplistic and informal.
"Taking the recent US presidential election" -> "Considering the recent US presidential election"
Explanation: "Considering" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Taking," which is more conversational and less suitable for academic writing.
"whether they had interest in politics or not" -> "regardless of their interest in politics"
Explanation: "Regardless of their interest in politics" is more formal and precise, avoiding the informal "whether they had interest in politics or not."
"this year’s election in Vietnam saw a peak in engagement among young adults" -> "this year’s election in Vietnam witnessed increased engagement among young adults"
Explanation: "Witnessed increased engagement" is more formal and precise than "saw a peak in engagement," aligning better with academic style.
"In my opinion" -> "It is my contention"
Explanation: "It is my contention" is a more formal expression than "In my opinion," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the trend towards global homogenization. The author acknowledges the negative impact on cultural identity while also highlighting the benefits of increased awareness and engagement with global issues. However, the discussion of disadvantages could be more nuanced, as it primarily focuses on cultural identity without exploring other potential drawbacks, such as economic implications or loss of diversity in consumer choices.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could incorporate additional disadvantages, such as economic dependency on global brands or the loss of local businesses. Providing a more balanced view by elaborating on these aspects would strengthen the argument and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of global homogenization outweigh the disadvantages. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. The use of phrases like "from my perspective" and "in my opinion" reinforces the author’s viewpoint. However, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, the author could use transitional phrases to better connect the discussion of disadvantages to the advantages. For example, after presenting the drawbacks, a phrase like "Despite these concerns, it is important to consider the benefits…" would create a more seamless flow.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, particularly in the discussion of the advantages of global homogenization. The example of the US presidential election engaging Vietnamese youth is a strong illustration of how global awareness can lead to positive social change. However, the support for the disadvantages is less robust, as it relies on a single example related to cultural identity without further elaboration on its implications.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should aim to provide more examples and elaboration for both sides of the argument. For instance, when discussing the impact on cultural identity, the author could include specific examples of cultural practices that are declining or being altered due to globalization. This would provide a more compelling argument and demonstrate deeper analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of global homogenization and its effects on cultural identity and social engagement. The author does not deviate from the prompt, maintaining relevance throughout. However, the discussion could benefit from a more explicit connection to the idea of "similar eating habits" mentioned in the prompt, which is not addressed directly.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on all aspects of the prompt, the author should explicitly address each element mentioned, such as fashion, media consumption, and eating habits. Including a brief discussion on how these aspects contribute to or detract from cultural identity would provide a more comprehensive response to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the author can elevate the essay to an even higher level of sophistication and depth.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets up the topic by acknowledging both sides of the argument. Each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion—one on disadvantages and the other on advantages—demonstrating a logical progression of ideas. However, the transition between the body paragraphs could be smoother. For example, the connection between the cultural identity loss and the benefits of global news consumption could be more explicitly stated to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly link the ideas. For instance, phrases like "Conversely" or "In contrast" can help clarify the relationship between the disadvantages and advantages discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability and comprehension. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples. The first paragraph discusses the disadvantages, while the second focuses on the advantages. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it somewhat blends into the body of the essay without a strong summarizing statement.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion is clearly marked and summarizes the key points made in the body paragraphs. A strong concluding sentence that encapsulates the main argument will reinforce the overall structure and provide a clear takeaway for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "first and foremost," and "on the other hand," which help to signal contrasting ideas effectively. Additionally, the use of examples, such as the reference to the Korean entertainment industry and the US presidential election, adds coherence to the arguments. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which may affect the overall fluidity of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate more linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For example, using "furthermore," "in addition," or "however" can enhance the connections between sentences and ideas. Additionally, varying sentence structures can improve the overall flow and make the writing more engaging.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and relevant examples, there are areas for improvement in transitions, paragraph distinction, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By addressing these points, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary appropriate for the topic. Words like "globalization," "cultural identity," "pervasive," and "homogenization" show an ability to use more advanced vocabulary. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "cultural identity" is repeated multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider using synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeating "cultural identity," you could use "national heritage" or "cultural uniqueness." Additionally, incorporating more varied adjectives and adverbs could enrich the essay further, such as using "distinctive" instead of "vibrant" when describing cultures.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where the precision could be enhanced. For example, the phrase "this overall is still a harmless trend" could be interpreted as vague. The use of "harmless" might imply that the trend has no negative effects at all, which contradicts the earlier discussion about cultural degradation.
- How to improve: To improve precision, ensure that the vocabulary used accurately reflects the intended meaning. Instead of "harmless," consider using "largely benign" or "not overtly detrimental" to convey a more nuanced view. Additionally, clarify terms like "degrading" by specifying how cultural identities are affected, which would provide a clearer understanding of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "globalization," "adolescents," and "engagement" are spelled correctly throughout the text, which contributes positively to the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, it is always beneficial to continue practicing. Regularly reviewing commonly misspelled words and utilizing tools like spell check can help maintain this level of accuracy. Additionally, reading extensively can expose you to correct spellings in context, further reinforcing spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are areas for improvement. Focusing on enhancing vocabulary range, ensuring precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy will help elevate the essay to a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Although some potential drawbacks of this development can be seen, they are eclipsed by the considerable benefits" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures in "if the trend continues" (implied in the context) adds depth to the argument. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and the inclusion of more compound-complex sentences to further enhance the range.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could experiment with starting sentences in different ways, such as using adverbial clauses or phrases. For example, beginning a sentence with "Despite the drawbacks…" or "In light of these cultural shifts…" can create a more engaging flow. Incorporating more varied conjunctions and transitions would also help in creating a smoother narrative.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "the adoption of pervasive global culture negatively impacts the cultural identity of each country" is grammatically correct and well-structured. However, there are some punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma in "Indeed, teenagers nowadays may forfeit their national cultural identities involved in traditional dishes, customs, behaviors and so on," where a comma before "and" (Oxford comma) could enhance clarity. Additionally, the phrase "This overall is still a harmless trend" could be more clearly expressed as "Overall, this trend is still relatively harmless."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, the writer should pay closer attention to the use of commas, especially in lists and complex sentences. Practicing the rules of punctuation, such as the use of the Oxford comma and commas in compound sentences, will help clarify meaning. Moreover, proofreading for sentence clarity and structure can help eliminate minor errors and enhance overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation. By implementing these suggestions, the writer can elevate their writing to an even higher level of sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

With the current trend of globalization, distinctions among nations in terms of people’s lifestyles, access to information, eating habits, and cultural aspects are becoming increasingly blurred. From my perspective, although certain potential drawbacks of this development can be seen, they are eclipsed by the considerable benefits.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that there are some disadvantages to this trend. First and foremost, the widespread adoption of global culture negatively affects the cultural identity of each country. Indeed, teenagers nowadays may forfeit their national cultural identities, which are involved in traditional dishes, customs, behaviors, and so on. Over time, this makes national cultures less vibrant and distinctive. For instance, with the rising trend of the Korean entertainment industry, many adolescents in Vietnam are becoming addicted to the Korean lifestyle. This trend is generally harmless, but in extreme cases, it has led to young adults degrading their own cultural identities.

On the other hand, one of the most obvious advantages of this global alignment is that by following news globally, many developing countries that encounter social issues can gain deeper insights into possible solutions. This helps these nations address problems more effectively and fosters social order. Considering the recent US presidential election, this attracted many Vietnamese, regardless of their interest in politics. As a result, this year’s election in Vietnam witnessed increased engagement among young adults, with many discussions in online forums.