The graph and chart below give information on the average daily maximum and minimum temperatures in degrees Celcius and the average number of days with rainfall each month for two Australian cities.

The line graph depicts the monthly average daily maximum and minimum temperatures for Brisbane and Canberra while the bar chart illustrates the average number of days with rain for these two cities each month.

Overall, the average daily temperature recorded in Brisbane was higher than that in Canberra, however, the figures for both cities saw a decline over the period from February to July. The average number of days with rainfall was generally higher in Brisbane, although from June to October, Canberra was the city with a higher figure.

It is evident from the line graph that both Brisbane and Canberra’s average temperature started at around 27 degrees in January, followed by a slight rise to 30 degrees in Brisbane while the temperature in Canberra remained unchanged. In the next 5 months, the average maximum temperatures of the two cities dropped to approximately 21 and 11 degrees, before gradually rising again to nearly 29 and 26 degrees at the end of the year in Brisbane and Canberra, respectively.

There was a high number of days with rainfall in Brisbane between December and March, fluctuating from 12 to 14 days, compared to 7 days only between June and September. On the contrary, the figures for Canberra were more stable with 7 to 8 rainy days on a monthly average, except from June to August with the number rising to 10 days.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph depicts" -> "The line graph illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and formal term than "depicts" when referring to visual representations in academic contexts.
"the average number of days with rain" -> "the average number of rainy days"
Explanation: "Rainy days" is a more concise and formal way to express the concept, improving the academic tone of the sentence.
"the figures for both cities saw a decline" -> "the figures for both cities decreased"
Explanation: "Decreased" is a more precise and formal verb than "saw a decline," which is somewhat colloquial.
"however" -> "however"
Explanation: Although "however" is correct, it could be replaced with "however" to maintain a more formal tone in academic writing.
"the average temperature recorded" -> "the recorded temperatures"
Explanation: "The recorded temperatures" is more concise and avoids the redundancy of "average" which is implied by "recorded."
"was higher than that in Canberra" -> "exceeded those in Canberra"
Explanation: "Exceeded" is more precise and formal than "was higher than," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"a slight rise to 30 degrees" -> "a moderate increase to 30 degrees"
Explanation: "Moderate increase" is a more precise term than "slight rise," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"remained unchanged" -> "remained constant"
Explanation: "Remained constant" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "remained unchanged."
"dropped to approximately 21 and 11 degrees" -> "fell to approximately 21 and 11 degrees"
Explanation: "Fell" is a more precise term than "dropped" in this context, aligning better with the formal tone of academic writing.
"gradually rising again" -> "gradually increasing"
Explanation: "Increasing" is a more formal and precise term than "rising," which can be seen as less formal.
"There was a high number of days with rainfall" -> "There were numerous rainy days"
Explanation: "Numerous rainy days" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the redundancy of "number of days with rainfall."
"fluctuating from 12 to 14 days" -> "ranging from 12 to 14 days"
Explanation: "Ranging" is more precise and formal than "fluctuating," which can imply a more random or unpredictable variation.
"On the contrary" -> "In contrast"
Explanation: "In contrast" is a more formal and academic phrase than "On the contrary," which can sound slightly informal.
"except from June to August" -> "except during June to August"
Explanation: "During" is more appropriate than "from" when referring to a period of time in formal writing.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay covers the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay clearly presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but could be more fully extended. For example, the essay could have provided more specific details about the changes in temperature and rainfall over the year.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes in temperature and rainfall over the year. For example, the essay could state that the average daily maximum temperature in Brisbane was highest in January, at around 30 degrees Celsius, and that the average daily minimum temperature in Canberra was lowest in July, at around 1 degree Celsius. The essay could also provide more specific details about the number of days with rainfall in each city, such as stating that Brisbane had an average of 14 days with rainfall in December and that Canberra had an average of 10 days with rainfall in July.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout. The introduction effectively outlines the content of the graph and chart, and the overall summary provides a concise comparison between the two cities. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, focusing on temperature and rainfall, respectively. However, while a range of cohesive devices is used appropriately, there are moments of slight overuse, particularly in the transition between ideas, which can disrupt the flow. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it could be improved for better clarity and logical sequencing.

How to improve: To enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer could focus on varying the use of cohesive devices to avoid redundancy and ensure smoother transitions between ideas. More explicit referencing could be employed to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, refining the structure of paragraphs to ensure each one clearly supports the central topic would improve overall clarity and logical progression.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying information about the graph and chart. The use of terms like "depicts," "illustrates," "decline," and "fluctuating" indicates an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "the figures for both cities saw a decline," which could be more precisely expressed. There are also minor errors in spelling and word formation, but they do not impede communication.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could incorporate a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure more precise word choices. Additionally, minimizing errors in spelling and word formation would enhance the overall lexical resource. Using more varied sentence structures and incorporating uncommon lexical items with greater accuracy would also contribute to a stronger performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. The use of linking words and phrases is effective, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are instances where the complexity of sentences could be enhanced further, and some grammatical inaccuracies slightly detract from the overall impression.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of grammatical structures, including more complex sentences and subordinate clauses. Additionally, minimizing minor errors and ensuring that all sentences are error-free will enhance the overall accuracy. Practicing advanced grammatical forms and varying sentence beginnings can also contribute to a more sophisticated writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph depicts the monthly average daily maximum and minimum temperatures for Brisbane and Canberra, while the bar chart illustrates the average number of days with rainfall for these two cities each month.

Overall, the average daily temperatures recorded in Brisbane were higher than those in Canberra; however, the figures for both cities experienced a decline over the period from February to July. The average number of days with rainfall was generally higher in Brisbane, although from June to October, Canberra had a higher figure.

It is evident from the line graph that both Brisbane and Canberra’s average temperatures started at around 27 degrees in January, followed by a slight rise to 30 degrees in Brisbane, while the temperature in Canberra remained unchanged. In the next five months, the average maximum temperatures of the two cities dropped to approximately 21 and 11 degrees, before gradually rising again to nearly 29 and 26 degrees at the end of the year in Brisbane and Canberra, respectively.

There was a significant number of days with rainfall in Brisbane between December and March, fluctuating from 12 to 14 days, compared to only 7 days between June and September. In contrast, the figures for Canberra were more stable, averaging 7 to 8 rainy days per month, except from June to August, when the number rose to 10 days.