The graph below gives information about the percentage of people living in Asia, the UK and other regions.

The line graph presents how people opts for living area over a period of 35 years starting from 1976 , including Asia , the UK and different regions.
As can be seen from the chart , the rate of total dwellers experienced a fluctation but it increased in general. Furthermore , there were considerable rises in Asia and others , while the proportion of the UK significantly decreased over the period shown.
Starting with entire people living in regions , in 1975 , this percentage was roughly 23 % before falling slightly to nearly 20% in 2001 and inceased again to 25% in the last year.Regarding with other areas , the initial data in 1976 was more than 10% , then declined to nearly 5% after 10- year and it reached the peak in 2006 with nearly 15%. Unlike other regions , Asia started with the lowest rate to roughly 3% but it observed an dramatically upward trend over period of 35 years.Coversly , the Uk attained the highest percentage at the beginning period with nearly 15% ; however, it became the country which had the lowest rate in the last year was 5%.

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Errors and Improvements:

"how people opts for living area" -> "how people opt for residential areas"
Explanation: "Opts" is incorrect here; "opt" is the correct form. Additionally, "living area" is vague and imprecise. "Residential areas" provides a clearer and more specific description.
"experienced a fluctation" -> "experienced fluctuations"
Explanation: "Fluctation" is not a word; "fluctuations" is the correct term to describe changes in the rate of total dwellers.
"considerable rises" -> "significant increases"
Explanation: "Considerable rises" is somewhat redundant. "Significant increases" conveys the idea more precisely and concisely.
"inceased again" -> "increased again"
Explanation: "Inceased" is a misspelling of "increased."
"Regarding with other areas" -> "Regarding other regions"
Explanation: "Regarding with" is awkward and incorrect. "Regarding" or "Concerning" would suffice, but "Regarding other regions" is clearer and more concise.
"after 10- year" -> "after a decade"
Explanation: "10-year" lacks clarity and precision. "After a decade" is a more formal and precise expression.
"an dramatically upward trend" -> "a dramatic upward trend"
Explanation: "An dramatically" is grammatically incorrect. "A dramatic" is the correct form, followed by the adjective "upward" to describe the trend.
"Coversly" -> "Conversely"
Explanation: "Coversly" is a misspelling of "conversely," which is the correct term to indicate a contrast between the situations.
"attained the highest percentage at the beginning period" -> "reached its peak percentage initially"
Explanation: "Attained the highest percentage at the beginning period" is awkward. "Reached its peak percentage initially" is more concise and clear.
"last year was 5%" -> "the last year being 5%"
Explanation: "Last year was 5%" lacks clarity. "The last year being 5%" specifies the percentage in the final year more clearly.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by describing the trends in the percentage of people living in Asia, the UK, and other regions over a 35-year period. It provides some key features such as the fluctuations in percentages over time and the differences between regions. However, the overview is not entirely clear, and there is a tendency to focus on details rather than providing a concise summary. Additionally, there are some inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the description of the data.

How to improve:

Provide a clearer and more concise overview of the main trends without getting too bogged down in details.
Ensure accuracy and consistency in describing the data points and trends.
Avoid unnecessary repetition and ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the overall description of the graph.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents some organization, with a clear introduction and body paragraphs discussing different regions. However, there are issues with overall progression and coherence. Some sentences lack clarity and coherence, making it challenging to follow the progression of ideas. Additionally, there are inconsistencies in the use of cohesive devices, leading to inadequate cohesion. Paragraphing is attempted but lacks consistency and logical flow. While the central topic of each paragraph is somewhat clear, the lack of smooth transitions and coherence hinders understanding.

How to improve:

Focus on maintaining a clear overall progression of ideas throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph contributes logically to the development of the topic.
Use cohesive devices more effectively and consistently to improve coherence. Avoid overuse or underuse of cohesive devices, and ensure that they contribute to the logical flow of the essay.
Work on paragraphing to ensure logical organization and coherence within and between paragraphs. Each paragraph should present a clear central topic and transition smoothly to the next. Consider using topic sentences to guide the reader through the essay’s structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some errors in word choice and word formation. While the essay attempts to convey information about the graph, it lacks precision and clarity due to repetitive language and errors in expression. There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, which may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, focus on expanding the range of vocabulary used. Use more varied and precise language to convey information accurately. Pay attention to word choice and ensure coherence and cohesion in the essay. Additionally, work on improving spelling and word formation to enhance clarity and readability.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a variety of structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there are frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation throughout the essay, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. The essay also struggles with consistency in verb tense usage and word choice.

How to improve: To improve the score, focus on enhancing the variety of sentence structures used while ensuring accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Work on clarity and coherence in expressing ideas. Pay close attention to verb tense consistency and choose words carefully to convey precise meaning. Additionally, consider the organization of ideas to improve the overall flow of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates changes in residential preferences across Asia, the UK, and other regions over a span of 35 years, commencing from 1976.

Overall, it is evident that there were fluctuations in the overall percentage of inhabitants, with a general upward trend observed. Notably, Asia and other regions experienced significant increases, while the UK witnessed a considerable decline over the depicted period.

At the outset, the total population residing in various regions stood at approximately 23% in 1976, before experiencing a slight decrease to nearly 20% by 2001, followed by a subsequent increase to 25% by the final year. Conversely, the proportion of residents in other regions began at over 10% in 1976, declined to nearly 5% after a decade, and peaked at nearly 15% in 2006.

In contrast, Asia initially had the lowest percentage, hovering around 3%. However, it exhibited a remarkable upward trajectory over the 35-year period. Conversely, the UK started with the highest percentage, nearing 15%. Nevertheless, by the end of the period, it had the lowest rate at 5%.