The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and. make comparisons where relevant. ‘Wrte at least 150 words.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and. make comparisons where relevant.
'Wrte at least 150 words.

The line graph indicates how the population of urban areas in four South-east Asian nations has been changing since 1970 up to 2020 ,and the next two decades.

By and large, the number of city dwellers is on the ascending trend in the mentioned countries, especially twenty upcoming years , when they are all expected to increase substantially. Indonesia and Malaysia have the most impressive transfers in the metropolitan demographic .

Indonesia had the smallest ratio of citizens at first, with only around 15%, compared with Malaysia, which was in the second rank, with a doubled percentage, exactly 30%. Both of them witnessed a sharp rise over the past half century, and there is an anticipation that they will keep this successive trend until the next 20 years. In 2040. Malaysia and Indonesia will lead the top and second positions in the list,respectively, with 85% and 65%.
In contrast, the Philippines saw the highest figure of urban residents 1970, with approximately a third of total population,but it will be on the third level of the list in 2040, with estimated 55% following by Thailand with 50% .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "has been changing" -> "has been evolving"
   Explanation: "Evolving" is a more dynamic and sophisticated term compared to "changing," enhancing the description of the population trends over time in urban areas.

2. "upcoming years" -> "forthcoming decades"
   Explanation: "Forthcoming decades" is a more formal and precise phrase compared to "upcoming years," providing a clearer indication of the timeframe being discussed.

3. "transfers" -> "shifts"
   Explanation: "Shifts" better captures the idea of changes in the demographic composition of urban areas, offering a more precise and nuanced description.

4. "had the smallest ratio of citizens at first" -> "initially had the lowest proportion of urban residents"
   Explanation: "Initially had the lowest proportion of urban residents" provides a clearer and more formal expression of the starting point of Indonesia’s urban population compared to "smallest ratio of citizens at first."

5. "doubled percentage" -> "doubled proportion"
   Explanation: "Doubled proportion" is a more precise and formal term compared to "doubled percentage," accurately conveying the increase in Malaysia’s urban population relative to its total population.

6. "witnessed a sharp rise" -> "experienced a significant increase"
   Explanation: "Experienced a significant increase" offers a more formal and descriptive alternative to "witnessed a sharp rise," conveying the notable growth in urban population more clearly.

7. "successive trend" -> "continual trend"
   Explanation: "Continual trend" conveys the idea of an ongoing pattern of increase in urban population more accurately compared to "successive trend."

8. "anticipation" -> "expectation"
   Explanation: "Expectation" is a more precise and formal term compared to "anticipation," conveying the projected future increase in urban population more effectively.

9. "leads the top" -> "holds the top position"
   Explanation: "Holds the top position" is a more formal and descriptive phrase compared to "leads the top," indicating Malaysia’s position in the ranking of urban population more clearly.

10. "highest figure of urban residents" -> "highest urban population figure"
    Explanation: "Highest urban population figure" provides a clearer and more precise description of the Philippines’ urban population in 1970 compared to "highest figure of urban residents."

11. "on the third level of the list" -> "ranked third on the list"
    Explanation: "Ranked third on the list" is a more formal and descriptive phrase compared to "on the third level of the list," indicating the position of the Philippines in the ranking of urban population more clearly.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph, such as the population trends in urban areas of four Southeast Asian countries from 1970 to 2020 and projected figures for 2030 and 2040. The essay highlights key points, including the overall increasing trend in urban population and the specific trends in Indonesia, Malaysia, the Philippines, and Thailand. Relevant comparisons are made between the countries over time.

How to improve: To improve, ensure that the details provided are accurate and relevant. Additionally, extend the discussion of key features by providing more specific data points and analysis. Avoid repetition and focus on presenting a more detailed overview of the trends, especially in terms of population percentages and the reasons behind the observed changes.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a coherent arrangement of information and ideas, with a general overall progression evident from historical data to future predictions. However, there are notable issues with cohesion and sentence structure that detract from the fluidity and clarity of the text. The essay utilizes cohesive devices such as comparison and time markers ("By and large," "especially," "In contrast"), but their usage occasionally feels mechanical or slightly misaligned with the content, contributing to a less natural flow of information.

The essay attempts to use paragraphing to organize the content, with each paragraph introducing new aspects of the data presented. However, the paragraphing could be more logically structured to enhance clarity and coherence. Each paragraph does introduce a clear central topic, which aligns with Band 7 criteria, but the somewhat mechanical use of cohesive devices and occasional lack of clear referencing pull the overall performance down to Band 6.

How to improve:

1. Enhance Cohesive Device Usage: Work on integrating cohesive devices more naturally into the text. Avoid overusing certain transitions or conjunctions and ensure that each device accurately enhances the logical flow of information. Study examples of effective cohesive device usage in high-scoring essays to better understand how to employ them seamlessly.

2. Refine Paragraph Structure: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme and that all sentences within it directly contribute to that theme. Use the first sentence of each paragraph to set the topic clearly, and ensure subsequent sentences build upon or elucidate this topic.

3. Improve Sentence Cohesion and Grammar: Some sentences in the essay are awkwardly constructed or contain grammatical errors, which can disrupt reader understanding and flow. Focus on constructing sentences that are grammatically correct and which logically connect to each other. Reading sentences aloud can help identify areas where the language does not flow naturally.

4. Clarity and Referencing: Improve the way information is referenced within the essay. Make sure that when referring back to previously mentioned ideas or data points, clear and correct referencing terms are used to avoid ambiguity and repetition. This will strengthen the cohesion of the essay by making the information easier to follow and understand.

By addressing these areas, the essay can better meet the criteria for higher band scores in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, including some less common terms such as "metropolitan demographic" and "sharp rise." There is an attempt to convey meaning through varied word choices, but there are also inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that slightly impede clarity. For instance, "transfers in the metropolitan demographic" could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "successive trend" where "continuing trend" might be more appropriate. Some phrases are slightly awkward and could be expressed more naturally, affecting fluency. Overall, the essay adequately conveys information but lacks the precision and sophistication necessary for a higher band score.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on refining word choice and ensuring precise expression of ideas. Aim for more natural and sophisticated vocabulary usage. Pay close attention to collocation and use less common lexical items accurately. Additionally, work on improving fluency by structuring sentences more smoothly and naturally. Revising awkward phrasings and eliminating unnecessary repetition can enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay. Finally, proofread carefully to minimize errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, which is indicative of a band 6 level. There is a variety of sentence forms used throughout the essay, ranging from simple to compound sentences. While there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively conveys the main features of the data presented in the graph and makes relevant comparisons between the four Asian countries.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the essay could benefit from a more consistent use of complex sentence structures. Additionally, paying closer attention to subject-verb agreement and punctuation would help reduce errors and enhance clarity. Reviewing and revising the essay for grammatical accuracy before submission would be advisable.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph depicts the percentage of the population living in urban areas in four South-east Asian countries from 1970 to 2020, along with projections for 2030 and 2040.

Overall, the trend shows that the proportion of people living in cities has been rising in all the countries over the past five decades, with a significant increase expected in the coming twenty years. Among these nations, Indonesia and Malaysia are projected to undergo the most substantial urban population growth.

In 1970, Indonesia had the smallest percentage of urban dwellers, at just 15%, while Malaysia had a much higher rate, at 30%. Both countries experienced significant growth in urban population over the years, with the trend expected to continue. By 2040, Malaysia is projected to have the highest proportion of urban residents, reaching 85%, while Indonesia is expected to hold the second position with 65%.

The Philippines, which had the largest proportion of urban residents in 1970, at about 33%, is projected to fall to the third position by 2040, with a 55% urban population. Thailand, which had a lower urbanization rate initially, is anticipated to have a steady increase, reaching 50% by 2040.