the graph below show the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014

The line graph illustrates how the prices of copper, nickel, and zinc changed throughout the year 2024.
Overall, there was a slight increase in the figure for zinc, while a decrease could be seen in the rates of copper and nickel. Additionally, the prices of them are stable between July and September.
Looking at the changes in prices of nickel and copper, the proportion of nickel started at 6% in January, after which it was experiencing a significant fall of 9% in 6 months, before beginning to recover and remaining stable at 1% at the end of the year. A similar change, but to a lesser extent, could be seen in the percentage of copper, which gradually dropped from 2% in January to -0.5% in June. In addition, despite a slight fluctuation, the number rose back to approximately 2% in December, almost the same as the starting point.
Regarding zinc, 1% was the figure for this metal, with a subsequent growth to 3% and a plummet to only minus 1% in June. However, after levelling-off at that point for 5 months, it ended up with soaring to 2%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph illustrates" -> "The line graph depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in academic writing, enhancing the description of the graph’s function in presenting data.
"slight increase" -> "modest increase"
Explanation: "Modest" is a more academically precise term than "slight," which can sound somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"a decrease could be seen in the rates of copper and nickel" -> "a decline was observed in the prices of copper and nickel"
Explanation: "Decline" is more specific and formal than "decrease," and "was observed" is more precise than "could be seen," aligning better with academic style.
"the prices of them" -> "the prices of these metals"
Explanation: "These metals" is more specific and formal than "them," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"a significant fall of 9%" -> "a substantial decline of 9%"
Explanation: "Substantial" is more academically appropriate than "significant" when describing quantitative changes, and "decline" is preferred over "fall" in formal writing.
"beginning to recover" -> "commencing to recover"
Explanation: "Commencing" is a more formal synonym for "beginning," enhancing the academic tone of the text.
"remained stable at 1%" -> "remained constant at 1%"
Explanation: "Constant" is a more precise term than "stable" when describing the consistency of a value over time.
"the number rose back to approximately 2%" -> "the value returned to approximately 2%"
Explanation: "Value" is a more precise term than "number" in this context, referring specifically to the measured quantity.
"despite a slight fluctuation" -> "despite minor fluctuations"
Explanation: "Minor fluctuations" is a more formal and precise way to describe small changes in data.
"soaring to 2%" -> "surging to 2%"
Explanation: "Surging" is a more dynamic and precise term than "soaring," fitting better in an academic context.
"plummet to only minus 1%" -> "dropped to -1%"
Explanation: "Dropped" is a more direct and formal term than "plummet," and "minus 1%" is more concise than "only minus 1%."
"after levelling-off at that point for 5 months" -> "following stabilization at that point for 5 months"
Explanation: "Following stabilization" is a more formal and precise phrase than "after levelling-off," which is somewhat informal and less precise.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the graph, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/ bullet points, but details may be irrelevant, inappropriate or inaccurate.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details about the key features of the graph. For example, the essay states that the price of nickel "started at 6% in January," but the graph shows that the price of nickel started at 4%. The essay also states that the price of zinc "ended up with soaring to 2%," but the graph shows that the price of zinc ended up at 1%. The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details about the key features of the graph.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, demonstrating a clear overall progression. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, leading to occasional awkwardness in the flow of ideas. For instance, phrases like "the proportion of nickel started at 6% in January" could be more fluidly connected to subsequent sentences. While paragraphing is present, it lacks logical separation of ideas, particularly in the transitions between different metals. Overall, the essay meets the basic requirements for coherence and cohesion but lacks the sophistication and clarity needed for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth. Additionally, clearer paragraphing that separates distinct ideas or comparisons would improve the overall organization. Finally, refining the language to avoid mechanical phrasing will contribute to a more engaging and fluid essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "illustrates," "increase," "decrease," and "fluctuation." However, there are attempts to use less common vocabulary, but inaccuracies in word choice and collocation are present, such as "the proportion of nickel" and "the rates of copper and nickel." Additionally, there are some spelling and grammatical errors, such as "the prices of them are stable," which detracts from clarity but does not completely impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of vocabulary with more precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring correct collocations. Additionally, reducing spelling and grammatical errors will improve overall clarity. Practicing with synonyms and less common lexical items while ensuring they fit the context will also help achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, they do not significantly impede communication. For instance, phrases like "the proportion of nickel started at 6% in January" and "the number rose back to approximately 2% in December" are somewhat unclear and could benefit from more precise language. There are also minor issues with punctuation, such as missing commas that could enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and reducing errors. This can be done by practicing more complex sentence forms and ensuring that punctuation is used correctly to clarify meaning. Additionally, refining vocabulary and ensuring precise expression of ideas will enhance the overall quality of the essay. Regular feedback on writing can also help identify persistent errors and areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates how the prices of copper, nickel, and zinc changed throughout the year 2014. Overall, there was a slight increase in the figure for zinc, while a decrease was observed in the rates of copper and nickel. Additionally, the prices of these metals remained stable between July and September.

Looking at the changes in the prices of nickel and copper, the percentage of nickel started at 6% in January, after which it experienced a significant decline of 9% over six months, before beginning to recover and stabilizing at 1% by the end of the year. A similar trend, albeit to a lesser extent, was seen in the percentage of copper, which gradually dropped from 2% in January to -0.5% in June. Furthermore, despite a slight fluctuation, the figure rose back to approximately 2% in December, nearly matching the starting point.

Regarding zinc, the initial figure was 1%, which subsequently grew to 3% before plummeting to -1% in June. However, after leveling off at that point for five months, it ultimately soared to 2%.