The graph below shows the average daily sales of selected food items at the Brisk Cafe by season. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the average daily sales of selected food items at the Brisk Cafe by season.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates how many foods of five types are sold at the Brisk Cafe in winter and summer. A unit is measured in the number of servings.
Overall, it can be seen that the popularity of cold meals increased in summer. Meanwhile, hot food items became more popular in wintertime, with the notable exception of salad, which maintained a consistent sales figure of 25 servings in both seasons.
The quantity of sold iced coffee was less than 5 in the coldest season, but this value dramatically rose to 40, making this item the most popular in the warm season. This trend was followed by ice cream, which demonstrated an upward trend from 25 to 35 in 2 seasons.
Regarding other selected food items, salad stayed constant in its residual level both in summer and winter. In contrast, hot coffee saw a sharp drop of more than 50%. Soup sales also halved, falling from approximately 45 servings in winter to roughly 20 servings in summer.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart illustrates how many foods of five types are sold at the Brisk Cafe in winter and summer." -> "The bar chart depicts the sales of five food categories at the Brisk Cafe in winter and summer."
Explanation: The phrase "illustrates how many foods of five types are sold" is somewhat vague and informal. "Depicts the sales of five food categories" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"A unit is measured in the number of servings." -> "The unit of measurement is the number of servings."
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured and lacks clarity. The revised version clarifies that the unit of measurement is the number of servings, which is more direct and formal.
"it can be seen that the popularity of cold meals increased in summer." -> "it is evident that the demand for cold meals increased in summer."
Explanation: "It can be seen" is a passive construction that can be strengthened to "it is evident," which sounds more assertive and academic. Additionally, "popularity" is replaced with "demand" to specify the type of measure being discussed.
"hot food items became more popular in wintertime" -> "hot food items experienced increased demand in winter"
Explanation: "Became more popular" is somewhat informal and vague. "Experienced increased demand" is more precise and formal, aligning better with academic language.
"with the notable exception of salad, which maintained a consistent sales figure of 25 servings in both seasons." -> "with the notable exception of salad, which consistently sold 25 servings in both seasons."
Explanation: The original phrase "maintained a consistent sales figure" is slightly awkward and verbose. "Consistently sold" simplifies and clarifies the statement, making it more direct and formal.
"The quantity of sold iced coffee was less than 5 in the coldest season, but this value dramatically rose to 40, making this item the most popular in the warm season." -> "The quantity of iced coffee sold was less than 5 in the coldest season, but this figure dramatically increased to 40, making it the most popular in the warm season."
Explanation: "The quantity of sold iced coffee" is redundant; "the quantity of iced coffee sold" is more concise. Also, "this value" is replaced with "this figure" for a more formal tone.
"This trend was followed by ice cream, which demonstrated an upward trend from 25 to 35 in 2 seasons." -> "This trend was mirrored by ice cream, which showed an increase from 25 to 35 servings across both seasons."
Explanation: "Demonstrated an upward trend" is a bit informal and vague. "Showed an increase" is more straightforward and formal, and specifying "servings" clarifies the unit of measurement.
"Regarding other selected food items, salad stayed constant in its residual level both in summer and winter." -> "Regarding the other selected food items, salad maintained a consistent level of sales in both summer and winter."
Explanation: "Stayed constant in its residual level" is awkward and unclear. "Maintained a consistent level of sales" is clearer and more formal, aligning better with academic style.
"In contrast, hot coffee saw a sharp drop of more than 50%." -> "In contrast, hot coffee experienced a decline of over 50%."
Explanation: "Saw a sharp drop" is informal and slightly vague. "Experienced a decline" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"Soup sales also halved, falling from approximately 45 servings in winter to roughly 20 servings in summer." -> "Soup sales also decreased by half, from approximately 45 servings in winter to roughly 20 servings in summer."
Explanation: "Halved" is a bit informal and can be replaced with "decreased by half" for a more formal tone. Additionally, "fell" is replaced with "decreased" for consistency in verb tense.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay covers all the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends. It clearly presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but could be more fully extended. For example, the essay could have provided more specific details about the changes in sales for each food item, such as the percentage increase or decrease.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes in sales for each food item. For example, the essay could state that iced coffee sales increased by 800% from winter to summer. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends. For example, instead of saying that hot coffee sales "saw a sharp drop," the essay could say that hot coffee sales "decreased significantly."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. It effectively uses cohesive devices, such as "meanwhile," "in contrast," and "regarding," to connect ideas. However, there are instances where cohesion within sentences could be improved, leading to a slightly mechanical feel. The paragraphing is present but could be more logically structured to enhance clarity. For example, the discussion of each food item could be grouped more effectively to improve the flow of information.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs and ensuring that cohesive devices are varied and used naturally. Additionally, organizing the discussion of food items into clearer thematic sections (e.g., cold foods vs. hot foods) could improve coherence. Finally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences within the paragraph relate directly to that topic would strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. It uses some less common lexical items, such as "illustrates," "popularity," and "demonstrated," which shows an attempt to enhance the lexical resource. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice, such as "residual level," which is not a commonly used term in this context. Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "iced coffee" being referred to as "iced coffee was less than 5," which could be more clearly expressed. Overall, while the vocabulary is sufficient for the task, it lacks the precision and sophistication needed for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more precise word choices. They could incorporate synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition and improve clarity. Additionally, practicing the use of collocations and ensuring that less common vocabulary is used accurately would help in achieving a higher score. Finally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy can also contribute to a better overall impression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 performance. While the writer attempts to convey the information clearly, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that detract from the overall clarity. For example, phrases like "the notable exception of salad, which maintained a consistent sales figure of 25 servings in both seasons" could be more concisely expressed. Additionally, the use of "residual level" is somewhat unclear in this context, which could confuse the reader. Overall, while the communication is generally effective, the presence of errors and occasional awkwardness in sentence structure prevents the score from rising higher.

How to improve:

Enhance Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to improve the overall grammatical range.
Minimize Errors: Proofread the essay to catch and correct grammatical mistakes and awkward phrases that may hinder clarity.
Clarify Terminology: Use more precise language to describe data and trends, ensuring that terms are appropriate and clear in context.
Practice Punctuation: Focus on correct punctuation usage to avoid any potential confusion in sentence meaning.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the average daily sales of five types of food items at the Brisk Cafe during winter and summer. The unit of measurement is the number of servings.

Overall, it is evident that the popularity of cold meals increased in summer, while hot food items became more popular in winter, with the notable exception of salad, which maintained a consistent sales figure of 25 servings in both seasons.

The quantity of iced coffee sold was less than 5 servings in the coldest season; however, this figure dramatically rose to 40 servings, making this item the most popular in the warm season. This trend was mirrored by ice cream, which showed an upward trend from 25 to 35 servings across the two seasons.

Regarding the other selected food items, salad remained constant at its residual level in both summer and winter. In contrast, hot coffee experienced a sharp decline of more than 50%. Soup sales also halved, decreasing from approximately 45 servings in winter to roughly 20 servings in summer.