The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions

The line graph illustrates the percentage of average change by month in the prices of copper, nickel and zinc in 2014. Overall, the rate of change in the prices of nickel and copper decreased while there was an upward trend in that of zinc.

There was a 6% increase from the previous four weeks in the variation of nickel’s cost in January, followed by a plummet to -3% in June. It remained unchanged at -1% from July to September and then increased to 1% in December. Likewise, the cost of copper slightly fell by approximately 3% in the period of four months. From June to November, the prices grew steadily by 1% before ending up at about 1.5% in December.

In contrast, after a sharp growth from 1% to 3%, zinc experienced a drop, commencing at 3% in February and finishing at -1% in June, in its changes in cost. The fluctuation in prices of this metal stabilized in three months and then climbed to 2% in the last month of 2014, reaching the highest level of three.

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Errors and Improvements:

"average change by month" -> "average monthly change"
Explanation: "Average monthly change" is a more standard way to refer to the monthly variation in prices, providing a clearer and more concise description.
"upward trend" -> "positive trajectory"
Explanation: "Positive trajectory" is a more sophisticated term that conveys the same meaning as "upward trend," suggesting a direction of growth or increase.
"in the variation of nickel’s cost" -> "in nickel’s price fluctuation"
Explanation: "Price fluctuation" is more appropriate and professional in this context, replacing "variation" and indicating the changes in price.
"plummet" -> "sharp decline"
Explanation: While "plummet" indicates a rapid decrease, "sharp decline" is more formal and consistent with academic writing.
"remained unchanged" -> "remained stable"
Explanation: "Remained stable" is a more common term in this context, indicating no significant change over time.
"the cost of copper" -> "the price of copper"
Explanation: The term "price" is more suitable in financial or economic contexts, while "cost" can imply a broader interpretation, potentially including other factors like production costs.
"approximately 3% in the period of four months" -> "approximately 3% over a four-month period"
Explanation: "Over a four-month period" is a clearer and more natural way to describe the timeframe for the change.
"fluctuation in prices of this metal" -> "price fluctuation of this metal"
Explanation: Rewording to "price fluctuation" is more consistent and clearer, emphasizing the variability in pricing.
"stabilized in three months" -> "stabilized over three months"
Explanation: "Over three months" provides a more accurate depiction of the duration of stabilization, avoiding potential confusion.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay effectively covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the graph, including the trends for each metal (copper, nickel, and zinc) throughout 2014. The overview provided is clear and concise, with appropriate selection of information from the graph. Key features and comparisons are presented, highlighting the fluctuations in prices for each metal over the year.
How to improve: To further enhance the response and potentially reach a higher band score, the essay could extend the analysis of key features and comparisons by providing more specific data points or discussing the significance of the trends observed. Additionally, ensuring accuracy in reporting numerical values and using more varied vocabulary would strengthen the essay.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. Each paragraph presents a central topic, focusing on one metal’s price changes. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas within and between sentences. The sequencing of information is coherent, allowing for a smooth flow of ideas. Additionally, paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately to separate different aspects of the analysis.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider providing more explicit connections between paragraphs to ensure a seamless transition between different metals’ price trends. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices could add richness to the essay’s coherence. Be cautious not to overuse certain transition words, ensuring they are used judiciously to maintain clarity and coherence. Lastly, ensure that paragraphing remains logical and coherent throughout the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the data presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the information effectively. It utilizes a variety of terms related to economic trends and statistical data, such as "variation," "plummet," "upward trend," "fluctuation," and "stabilized." Additionally, it employs specific vocabulary related to the metals discussed, including "copper," "nickel," and "zinc." There is also an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "commencing," which adds some sophistication to the language. However, there are a few instances of less precise word choices and collocations, such as "variation of nickel’s cost" instead of "price variation of nickel," which slightly impacts the fluency and accuracy.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, focus on refining word choices and collocations for greater precision and fluency. Ensure consistency in terminology usage throughout the essay. Additionally, aim to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions where appropriate to enhance lexical variety and sophistication. Finally, pay attention to the accuracy of word forms and spelling to minimize errors and enhance overall clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, with a variety of complex structures used throughout. The sentences are generally error-free, with occasional minor errors or inappropriacies. The essay effectively summarizes the information provided in the graph and makes clear comparisons between the metals.

How to improve: To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures to achieve greater fluency and precision. Pay close attention to maintaining consistency in verb tense usage and ensuring parallelism in comparisons. Additionally, aim to eliminate any remaining minor errors to achieve a more polished and refined presentation.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph delineates the average monthly percentage change in the prices of copper, nickel, and zinc during 2014. It is evident that while the prices of nickel and copper generally showed a downward trend, zinc prices experienced an overall increase.

In January, the price of nickel increased by 6% from the previous month, but by June, it had declined by 3%. The price remained relatively stable at a decrease of 1% from July through September, before rising slightly to 1% in December. In a similar pattern, copper’s price witnessed a modest decrease of about 3% over a four-month period. Subsequently, from June to November, there was a gradual increase of 1% each month, culminating in an approximate increase of 1.5% in December.

Conversely, zinc displayed a sharp increase from 1% to 3% early in the year. However, this was followed by a decrease to -1% by June. After stabilizing for three months, the price of zinc rose again, reaching 2% in December, which was the highest level observed in the year.

This summary indicates that while nickel and copper prices fluctuated with a tendency to decrease, zinc prices showed more resilience with a notable increase by the end of 2014.