The graph below shows the average monthly expenses of different classes of families in the USA between 2000-2020. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the average monthly expenses of different classes of families in the USA between 2000-2020.
Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

As I know, the graph below shows the average monthly expenses of different classes of families in the USA between 2000 to 2020. First, in 2000 to 2005, the number of low income people was 200 people. But in 2005 to 2010, the number of that people was increased. Third, in 2010 to 2015, the number of low income people was dramatically increased. And in 2015 to 2020, the number of thatvpeople was increased slightly again.
From 2000 to 2005, the number of low income people was to remain stable. But the number of middle income was slightly increased. However, the number of high income was dramatically increased. From 2005 to 2010, the low income people was slightly increased. But the middle income was to remain stable. Beside that, the high income people was slightly increased. From 2010 to 2015, the low income people was dramatically increased. But the middle people was slightly decreased. The high income people was to remain stable. From 2015 to 2020, the low income people was slightly increased, the middle income people was increased and the high income people was slightly increased.
The low income people was dramatically increased was in 2010-2015 and it was to remain stable in 2000-2005. The middle income people was increased in 2015-2020 and it was slightly decreased in 2010-2015. The high income people was increases in 2000-2005 and it was to remain stable in 2010-2015.
The line have no chang of low income people was in 2000-2005. The line have no change of middle income people was in 2005-2010. The line have no change of high income people was in 2010-2015. And in my opinion, these characteristics all occurred after 5 years. There is a line that met in a period. That is the low income in 2015-2020 was intersection point the middle income in 2015-2020

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "As I know" -> "It is evident that"
   Explanation: "As I know" is too informal and personal for academic writing. "It is evident that" provides a more objective and formal introduction to the discussion.

2. "the number of that people" -> "the number of those individuals"
   Explanation: "that people" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "those individuals" is grammatically correct and more formal.

3. "the number of low income people was dramatically increased" -> "the number of low-income individuals increased dramatically"
   Explanation: The phrase "the number of low income people was dramatically increased" is awkwardly constructed. Rearranging it to "the number of low-income individuals increased dramatically" improves readability and maintains formal tone.

4. "Beside that" -> "Furthermore"
   Explanation: "Beside that" is informal and vague. "Furthermore" is a more precise and formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing.

5. "the low income people was" -> "the low-income individuals were"
   Explanation: "the low income people was" is grammatically incorrect. "the low-income individuals were" corrects the verb agreement and maintains formality.

6. "the middle people" -> "the middle-income individuals"
   Explanation: "the middle people" is vague and informal. "the middle-income individuals" specifies the group and maintains formality.

7. "The line have no chang of low income people was" -> "The line shows no change in the number of low-income individuals"
   Explanation: "The line have no chang of low income people was" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar.

8. "The line have no change of middle income people was" -> "The line shows no change in the number of middle-income individuals"
   Explanation: Similar to the previous correction, this revision corrects the grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning.

9. "The line have no change of high income people was" -> "The line shows no change in the number of high-income individuals"
   Explanation: Again, this corrects grammatical errors and improves clarity.

10. "And in my opinion" -> "Furthermore"
    Explanation: "And in my opinion" is informal and subjective. "Furthermore" is a more neutral and formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing.

11. "these characteristics all occurred after 5 years" -> "these trends all emerged over a five-year period"
    Explanation: "these characteristics all occurred after 5 years" is informal and lacks precision. "these trends all emerged over a five-year period" is more formal and precise.

12. "That is the low income in 2015-2020 was intersection point the middle income in 2015-2020" -> "This is where the low-income group intersects with the middle-income group in the 2015-2020 period"
    Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar, making it more suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 2

Band Score for Task Response: 2

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to summarize the main features of the graph showing average monthly expenses of different classes of families in the USA from 2000 to 2020. However, the summary lacks clarity and coherence. It mentions changes in the number of low, middle, and high-income people without clearly connecting these changes to monthly expenses as shown in the graph.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly link the changes in income groups to the trends in average monthly expenses as depicted in the graph. This includes discussing whether expenses increased, decreased, or remained stable for each income group over the specified periods.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay struggles with maintaining a clear position or stance. It begins by attempting to summarize the graph but ends up presenting disjointed observations about income groups without a clear focus on expenses. There is no consistent thesis or argument presented throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: It would be beneficial to clearly state from the beginning the main trends in monthly expenses as shown in the graph and maintain this focus throughout. Each paragraph should relate back to this main argument to ensure coherence and clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks depth in presenting and supporting ideas. It briefly mentions changes in income groups over time but fails to provide specific data points or comparisons from the graph to support these claims.
  • How to improve: To enhance the quality of ideas presented, the essay should include specific details from the graph such as percentage changes in expenses or significant points where income groups intersected. This would strengthen the analysis and make the essay more substantiated.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay partially stays on topic by discussing changes in income groups, but it often deviates into irrelevant details or fails to connect these changes directly to the main topic of average monthly expenses.
  • How to improve: To improve relevance, each paragraph should be directly related to the information presented in the graph. Avoid discussing unrelated aspects such as opinions or historical trends unless they directly impact the interpretation of the data shown.

Overall, while the essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing changes in income groups over time, it lacks clarity, coherence, and relevance to the main topic of monthly expenses. To improve, the writer should focus on directly addressing the information presented in the graph, supporting claims with specific data, and maintaining a clear and consistent argument throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to organize information chronologically, outlining changes in the average monthly expenses of different income classes in the USA from 2000 to 2020. However, the presentation lacks clarity and coherence due to unclear transitions between periods and repetitive statements without a clear progression of ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should start with a clear introduction summarizing the main trends shown in the graph. Each paragraph should focus on one time period (e.g., 2000-2005, 2005-2010) and discuss changes in all income groups in that period. Use linking words like ‘firstly’, ‘secondly’, ‘in addition’, and ‘however’ to improve coherence between sentences and paragraphs.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs but struggles with structural coherence. Each paragraph seems to discuss multiple time periods or income groups without clear separation or development of ideas within each paragraph.
  • How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on one time period or income group. For instance, have one paragraph dedicated to changes in low-income families from 2000-2005, another for middle-income families in the same period, and so on. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that outlines the main point for that particular group or period.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses basic cohesive devices such as ‘but’, ‘however’, and ‘and’, but their effectiveness is limited due to frequent grammatical errors and repetition of phrases. There is a lack of varied cohesive devices like ‘moreover’, ‘in contrast’, or ‘therefore’ that could better connect ideas.
  • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to improve coherence. Introduce more sophisticated linking words and phrases to better connect ideas across sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that these devices are used correctly to avoid confusion.

In summary, while the essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing changes in monthly expenses over time, it is hindered by issues with logical organization, paragraph structure, and the effective use of cohesive devices. By focusing on clearer paragraph development, utilizing a variety of cohesive devices appropriately, and ensuring a logical flow of ideas, the coherence and cohesion of the essay can be significantly improved to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 3

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with repetitive use of basic terms such as "low income people," "middle income people," and "high income people." There is minimal variation in terminology or phrasing to describe the different classes of families over time.
  • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider using synonyms and more specific vocabulary to describe economic classes (e.g., "lower socioeconomic brackets," "middle-class households," "affluent individuals"). Incorporating adjectives and adverbs related to change (e.g., "gradual increase," "sharp decline") would also enrich the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: Vocabulary is imprecise and often lacks clarity in conveying specific meanings. For instance, phrases like "slightly increased," "dramatically increased," and "to remain stable" are used repetitively without clear quantitative or qualitative distinctions.
  • How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary to accurately describe changes in data. Instead of "slightly increased," specify percentages or numerical changes where possible. Use adverbs like "steadily," "sharply," or "moderately" to provide more precise descriptions of trends.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: There are several spelling errors throughout the essay ("thatvpeople," "beside that," "chang," "increases," etc.). These errors affect readability and detract from the overall coherence of the writing.
  • How to improve: Improving spelling accuracy requires careful proofreading and possibly utilizing spell-check tools. Reviewing common spelling patterns and practicing spelling in context can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing changes in monthly expenses across income classes, improvements are needed in vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy to achieve a higher band score. Enhancing these aspects will lead to clearer communication of ideas and a more coherent overall presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to vary sentence structures, albeit with limited success. Simple sentence structures dominate, such as "The number of low income people was dramatically increased," which repeats frequently throughout the essay. There is an occasional use of more complex sentences, such as "From 2000 to 2005, the number of low income people was to remain stable," but these instances are sparse.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating compound and complex sentences more consistently. For instance, instead of repeating "the number of low income people," vary sentence beginnings and structures. Introduce clauses with phrases like "During the period from," or "Contrary to expectations," to add complexity and coherence to your writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay struggles with grammatical accuracy, particularly in verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. For example, "But the number of that people was increased" should be corrected to "But the number of those people increased." Punctuation marks such as commas and periods are frequently misplaced or omitted, affecting the readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by carefully reviewing verb tenses and ensuring agreement between subjects and verbs. Practice using commas correctly to separate ideas within sentences and using periods to mark the end of sentences. For instance, revise sentences like "And in my opinion, these characteristics all occurred after 5 years" to "In my opinion, these characteristics all emerged after five years."

Overall, while the essay addresses the task and attempts to convey information about the graph, there is significant room for improvement in both grammatical accuracy and sentence structure variety. Practicing these aspects will help elevate the clarity and coherence of your writing, potentially raising your band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph illustrates the average monthly expenses of various family income brackets in the USA from 2000 to 2020. Initially, between 2000 and 2005, the number of low-income individuals remained steady at 200. Subsequently, from 2005 to 2010, this figure experienced a slight increase. However, the most significant rise occurred from 2010 to 2015, where the number of low-income individuals saw a dramatic increase, followed by a slight rise from 2015 to 2020.

Conversely, during the same periods, the number of middle-income individuals showed a slight increase from 2000 to 2005, followed by stability from 2005 to 2010 and a subsequent increase from 2015 to 2020. Meanwhile, the number of high-income individuals dramatically increased from 2000 to 2005, remained stable from 2010 to 2015, and saw a slight increase from 2015 to 2020.

Interestingly, the lines depicting the number of low-income, middle-income, and high-income individuals all showed no change during specific periods: low-income from 2000 to 2005, middle-income from 2005 to 2010, and high-income from 2010 to 2015. These trends emerged over a five-year span, culminating in an intersection between the low-income and middle-income groups during the 2015-2020 period.