The graph below shows the number of passenger railway journeys made in Great Britain between 1950 and 2004/5. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of passenger railway journeys made in Great Britain between 1950 and 2004/5.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The picture illustrates the quantity of passenger railway journeys from Great Britain over 55-year period.
In general, these figure had the same trend that going down in 1980. In addition to, Light rail and metro system were in use at least.
On the a hand, the rate of national rail network and London Undergound had significant changes. At the beginning of the period , it was at 1000 and 700 millions in turn. After going through a slightly increase , the first line hit the lowest point in 1980 . In the same time , London Undergroun's number by the the lowest . Both were witnessed the considerable growth then
On the other hand , another mean fluctuated between 1960 and 1980 . At the end of the period , this data climbed gradually and reached a peak at about 200 millions, but was the smallest figure among three ways

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Errors and Improvements:

"these figure had the same trend that going down" -> "these figures exhibited a consistent downward trend"
Explanation: Replacing "these figure had the same trend that going down" with "these figures exhibited a consistent downward trend" improves clarity and uses more precise language.
"In addition to, Light rail and metro system were in use at least." -> "Additionally, light rail and metro systems were utilized."
Explanation: "In addition to" is followed by a phrase that doesn’t complete the thought. "Utilized" is a more formal term than "in use."
"On the a hand" -> "On one hand"
Explanation: "On the a hand" is grammatically incorrect. "On one hand" is the appropriate phrase to introduce the first point of comparison.
"After going through a slightly increase" -> "Following a slight increase"
Explanation: "After going through a slightly increase" is awkward. "Following a slight increase" is more concise and formal.
"the first line hit the lowest point in 1980" -> "the first line reached its lowest point in 1980"
Explanation: "Hit the lowest point" is colloquial; "reached its lowest point" is more formal and precise.
"London Undergroun’s number by the the lowest" -> "The number of London Underground passengers hit its lowest"
Explanation: "London Undergroun’s number by the the lowest" is grammatically incorrect. "The number of London Underground passengers hit its lowest" provides a clearer and more formal expression.
"Both were witnessed the considerable growth then" -> "Both experienced considerable growth thereafter"
Explanation: "Both were witnessed the considerable growth then" lacks clarity. "Both experienced considerable growth thereafter" is more formal and concise.
"On the other hand , another mean fluctuated between 1960 and 1980 ." -> "On the other hand, another mode of transportation fluctuated between 1960 and 1980."
Explanation: "Mean" doesn’t convey the intended meaning; "mode of transportation" is more appropriate. Additionally, the sentence lacks parallelism, which is addressed by introducing "mode of transportation" after "On the other hand."
"At the end of the period , this data climbed gradually" -> "By the end of the period, this data gradually increased"
Explanation: "At the end of the period" is clearer as "By the end of the period." "Climbed gradually" is less formal than "gradually increased."
"reached a peak at about 200 millions, but was the smallest figure among three ways" -> "reached a peak of about 200 million, yet it remained the lowest among the three modes of transportation"
Explanation: "Reached a peak at about 200 millions" should be "reached a peak of about 200 million" for correct syntax. "But was the smallest figure among three ways" is awkward and unclear; "yet it remained the lowest among the three modes of transportation" provides a clearer comparison.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

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Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by summarizing the information provided in the graph. It covers some key features such as the overall trend of passenger railway journeys over the 55-year period and mentions the presence of light rail and metro systems. However, the presentation lacks clarity and coherence. There are several grammatical errors and unclear expressions which make parts of the essay difficult to understand. Additionally, important details are missing, such as specific years and exact figures for passenger numbers.
How to improve: Focus on providing a clearer and more coherent overview of the data. Ensure that all key features are accurately highlighted and that comparisons are made where relevant. Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity and readability. Provide specific data points from the graph to support your summary. Be more precise and avoid ambiguous expressions.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay attempts to convey information about the passenger railway journeys in Great Britain between 1950 and 2004/5, but it lacks coherence and cohesion. The organization of ideas is unclear, and there is no clear progression in the response. The use of cohesive devices is basic and sometimes inaccurate. Paragraphing is inadequate, making it difficult to follow the flow of ideas.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing the information logically. Use clear topic sentences to introduce main ideas in each paragraph. Ensure that cohesive devices are used accurately to establish relationships between ideas. Additionally, use proper paragraphing to enhance readability and structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a very limited range of vocabulary and expressions, with numerous errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. The essay lacks coherence and clarity due to the frequent grammatical errors and unclear expression of ideas. There is limited control over lexical features, and the vocabulary used is simplistic and repetitive. The essay fails to effectively convey the information about the graph due to the lack of appropriate vocabulary and poor sentence structure.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on expanding vocabulary through reading and practicing writing. Work on understanding and using a wider range of words and expressions appropriately. Pay attention to spelling and word formation. Practice constructing clear and coherent sentences to convey ideas effectively. Additionally, seek feedback on writing to identify and correct errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but it lacks coherence due to numerous grammatical errors and structural inconsistencies. There is an evident struggle with sentence structure and coherence, which hinders the clarity of the message. The essay presents some attempt at complex ideas but fails to communicate them effectively due to frequent errors.

How to improve: Focus on improving sentence structure and coherence by practicing writing complex sentences and ensuring clarity in communication. Pay close attention to grammar and punctuation to minimize errors. Additionally, provide more detailed and organized analysis to enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided graph depicts the fluctuation in the number of passenger railway journeys originating from Great Britain over a span of 55 years. Overall, a declining trend is observed, notably dipping in 1980. Additionally, it is noteworthy that light rail and metro systems were in operation during this period.

On one hand, there were notable variations in the figures for the national rail network and the London Underground. Commencing at approximately 1000 and 700 million journeys respectively, both experienced a slight increase before reaching their lowest points around 1980. Subsequently, a significant resurgence was witnessed in both, resulting in substantial growth.

Conversely, another mode of transportation exhibited fluctuation between 1960 and 1980. However, towards the conclusion of the period, there was a gradual ascent in the number of journeys, culminating at around 200 million, albeit remaining the least utilized among the three modes.