The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports 4 countries from 1990 to 2012

The graph illustrate the proportion of Australian exports to each of four nations: Japan, the US, China and India between 1990 and 2012
Overall, it is clear that the percentage of exports to China and India increased gradually, the opposite was true for Japan and the US. In addition, Japan was the country with the highest proportion of exports at the beginning of the period while China had the highest proportion of export at the end of period.
In 1990, Japan held the dominant position, receiving more than 25% of Australia’s exports, in comparison with the US only 11%. However, this percentage noticeably decreased to about 20% and continue slightly decreased to around 18% to the end of the time. Meanwhile, China’s share commenced from the third position of roughly 2% in 1990, the figure for Australian exports witnessed significant increased to nearly 30% in 2012.
Regarding the US export figure, it fluctuated marginally over the years in a downward trend, remain stable at around 10% over the first decade and reached a low of 7% at the end of the period. On the other hand, the percentage of exports to India reached a peak after remained relatively stable from 1990 to 2000 and then fell moderately to about 5% in 2012

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Errors and Improvements:

"The graph illustrate" -> "The graph illustrates"
Explanation: The verb "illustrate" should be in the third person singular form "illustrates" to agree with the singular subject "The graph."
"proportion of Australian exports to each of four nations" -> "proportion of Australian exports to each of four countries"
Explanation: While "nations" is not incorrect, "countries" is more commonly used in academic writing when referring to geopolitical entities.
"the opposite was true for" -> "the reverse was observed for"
Explanation: "The opposite was true for" is somewhat informal and vague. "The reverse was observed for" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic context better.
"the highest proportion of export" -> "the highest proportion of exports"
Explanation: "Export" should be plural "exports" to maintain consistency with the rest of the text and to correctly refer to the multiple goods or services being exported.
"at the end of period" -> "at the end of the period"
Explanation: The phrase is missing the definite article "the" before "period," which is necessary for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"held the dominant position" -> "occupied the dominant position"
Explanation: "Occupied" is a more formal and precise term than "held" in this context, improving the academic tone.
"in comparison with the US only 11%" -> "compared to the US at only 11%"
Explanation: "Compared to" is a more formal comparative phrase, and "at" before the percentage clarifies the statistical presentation.
"noticeably decreased" -> "significantly decreased"
Explanation: "Significantly" is a more formal adverb than "noticeably" and is preferred in academic writing to describe a notable change in data.
"continue slightly decreased" -> "continued to decrease slightly"
Explanation: The correct form is "continued to decrease" for grammatical accuracy, and "slightly" properly modifies "decrease."
"significant increased" -> "significantly increased"
Explanation: "Significantly" is the adverb form needed to modify the verb "increased," ensuring grammatical correctness.
"Regarding the US export figure," -> "Regarding the export figures to the US,"
Explanation: Clarifying "the export figures to the US" makes the sentence clearer and more specific.
"fluctuated marginally" -> "exhibited marginal fluctuations"
Explanation: "Exhibited marginal fluctuations" is a more formal and precise way to describe the changes in the export figures.
"remain stable" -> "remained stable"
Explanation: The verb "remain" should be in the past tense "remained" to match the tense of the surrounding narrative.
"reached a low of 7%" -> "declined to a low of 7%"
Explanation: "Declined to" is more specific and formal than "reached a low of," providing a clearer description of the downward trend.
"after remained relatively stable" -> "after remaining relatively stable"
Explanation: "After remaining" is grammatically correct, providing a clearer link between the stability and the subsequent peak.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question by describing the trends in Australian exports to four countries (Japan, the US, China, and India) from 1990 to 2012. It identifies the overall trends and provides specific data points for each country over the specified time frame.
- How to improve: To further enhance task response, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the prompt, such as comparing the countries’ export percentages over time or discussing the reasons behind the observed trends.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by consistently discussing the changes in export percentages to each country and their relative positions over the years. For example, it consistently highlights China’s increasing share and Japan’s decreasing share.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of the position by explicitly stating a thesis or main argument in the introduction, indicating whether the trends are positive, negative, or neutral for Australian exports, and providing a concluding statement that reinforces the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the trends in Australian exports effectively, with clear explanations and supporting data from the graph. It extends these ideas by analyzing the changes over time and comparing the performance of different countries.
- How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider providing more in-depth analysis of the reasons behind the observed trends, such as economic policies, trade agreements, or global market dynamics, to add depth and complexity to the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the trends in Australian exports to the specified countries within the given time frame. However, there are minor instances of repetitive language and slight deviations from the main focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, avoid unnecessary repetition of phrases and ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the discussion of export trends. Additionally, double-check the coherence of ideas to eliminate any tangential information that does not directly relate to the topic.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the task and provides a coherent analysis of the trends in Australian exports, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of position, and precision of language to elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization by presenting a clear overview of the trends observed in the graph. It effectively introduces the main trends, such as the gradual increase in exports to China and India and the decrease in exports to Japan and the US. However, there are some instances where the sequencing of information could be improved for better coherence. For instance, the transition between discussing Japan’s exports and China’s exports could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider structuring the essay in a more chronological manner, following the timeline presented in the graph. Start with the initial data points and progress towards the later years. Additionally, use transitional phrases to link ideas more seamlessly. For example, phrases like "In contrast," or "Conversely" can help connect contrasting trends.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different aspects of the analysis, which helps in organizing ideas. However, the structure of some paragraphs could be refined for better coherence. For instance, the paragraph discussing the trends in Japan’s exports could be separated from the paragraph discussing China’s exports to provide clearer delineation between the two distinct trends.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down the essay into more distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the analysis. Start a new paragraph when transitioning to a new country or a significant change in the trend. This will enhance readability and make the essay easier to follow for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as temporal markers ("between 1990 and 2012," "at the beginning of the period") and comparative adjectives ("gradually increased," "significantly decreased"). However, there is a limited variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Greater diversification and more strategic use of cohesive devices could enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices to establish clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs. This could include pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned elements, conjunctions to show relationships between ideas (e.g., "therefore," "however"), and transitional phrases to signal shifts in focus or direction. Practice using cohesive devices effectively to create a smoother flow of ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, with varied terms such as "proportion," "gradually," "dominant," "fluctuated," "marginally," "peak," and "relatively stable." However, some repetition occurs with phrases like "percentage of exports" and "export figure," which could have been diversified.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases where repetition is noted. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "percentage of exports," you might substitute with "export share" or "portion of exports" to maintain clarity while diversifying vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, though there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "witnessed significant increased" would be more precise as "experienced significant increase." Additionally, the term "highest proportion of export" might be more precisely stated as "largest share of exports."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, carefully choose words and phrases that precisely convey the intended meaning. In particular, watch for verb forms and ensure they accurately reflect the action or state being described. Using active voice can also contribute to clarity and precision in expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of misspellings, such as "illustrate" instead of "illustrates," "noticeably" instead of "noticeable," and "witnessed" instead of "witness."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar check tools to catch errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, proofreading carefully and reviewing common spelling patterns and rules can help minimize mistakes. Developing a habit of revising written work with a focus on spelling can lead to improved accuracy over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There’s effective use of introductory phrases ("Overall," "In addition," "Regarding," "On the other hand") and varied sentence lengths, contributing to coherence and cohesion. However, there’s a tendency towards simpler sentence structures, which slightly limits the complexity of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and complexity, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, and passive voice constructions. Introduce more sophisticated transitions and connectors to create smoother flow and logical progression in ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation usage, with few notable errors. However, there are some instances of incorrect verb tense agreement ("the percentage… decreased to about 20% and continue[d] slightly decreased"), minor punctuation errors (missing commas before introductory phrases), and word choice issues ("witnessed significant increased" should be "witnessed a significant increase").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, especially when discussing trends over time. Revise sentences for clarity and precision, ensuring verbs are correctly conjugated. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage before introductory phrases, and proofread carefully to catch any overlooked errors in word choice and sentence structure. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to enhance accuracy further.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph illustrates the proportion of Australian exports to each of four countries: Japan, the US, China, and India between 1990 and 2012. Overall, it is clear that the percentage of exports to China and India increased gradually, whereas the reverse was observed for Japan and the US. Additionally, Japan held the highest proportion of exports at the beginning of the period, while China occupied the dominant position at the end of the period.

In 1990, Japan occupied the dominant position, receiving more than 25% of Australia’s exports, compared to the US at only 11%. However, this percentage significantly decreased to about 20% and continued to decrease slightly to around 18% by the end of the period. Meanwhile, China’s share started from the third position at roughly 2% in 1990, but witnessed a significant increase to nearly 30% in 2012.

Regarding the export figures to the US, they exhibited marginal fluctuations over the years, maintaining stability at around 10% over the first decade and declining to a low of 7% by the end of the period. On the other hand, the percentage of exports to India reached a peak after remaining relatively stable from 1990 to 2000, and then fell moderately to about 5% in 2012.