The Graph shows information about the number of marriages in the UK from 1951 to 2001

The bar chart illustrates how many marriages were recorded in the UK regarding three categories: first marriages, remarriages and all as one, between 1951 and 2001.
Overall, while the quantity of all and first marriages witnessed a downward trend, the opposite was true for the remarriages. Additionally, the number of marriages in the UK as a whole remained the highest during the given time frame.
A closer examination of the categories with considerable declines reveals that in 1951, the number of all marriages in the UK was the most, standing at a notable 400,000, followed closely by first marriages with about 350,000. In the subsequent 20 years, while the figure for the former group increased by 50,000 and peaked at 450,000, the data for people getting marriaged for the first time increased minimally. It is also noteworthy that until 2001, the data for both types of marriage fell to their lowest points: about 375,000 and exactly 250,000 respectively.
Upon analyzing those who got marriaged again, it is observed that the quantity of remarriages remained constant at 150,000 in the first 30 years of the surveyd period, despite some marginal fluctuations. Moreover, this group witnessed a moderate climb to its highest point (200,000) post-1981.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart illustrates how many marriages were recorded" -> "The bar chart depicts the number of marriages recorded"
Explanation: Replacing "illustrates how many" with "depicts the number of" refines the phrase to a more precise and formal academic tone, enhancing clarity and specificity.
"regarding three categories: first marriages, remarriages and all as one" -> "regarding three categories: first marriages, remarriages, and all others"
Explanation: Changing "all as one" to "all others" clarifies the meaning and avoids the awkward phrasing of "all as one," which is informal and unclear in this context.
"witnessed a downward trend" -> "experienced a decline"
Explanation: "Experienced a decline" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "witnessed a downward trend," which can sound slightly informal and vague.
"the number of marriages in the UK as a whole remained the highest" -> "the total number of marriages in the UK remained the highest"
Explanation: Adding "total" before "number of marriages" provides specificity and clarity, enhancing the formal tone of the statement.
"considerable declines" -> "significant declines"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more precise and academically accepted term than "considerable," which can be somewhat vague and less formal.
"the number of all marriages in the UK was the most" -> "the number of all marriages in the UK was the highest"
Explanation: Replacing "the most" with "the highest" aligns better with formal academic language, which typically uses "highest" to describe quantitative comparisons.
"getting marriaged" -> "getting married"
Explanation: Correcting the typo from "marriaged" to "married" ensures grammatical accuracy and professionalism.
"the data for people getting marriaged" -> "the data for those getting married"
Explanation: Replacing "people getting marriaged" with "those getting married" corrects the typo and uses a more formal pronoun ("those" instead of "people").
"the surveyd period" -> "the surveyed period"
Explanation: Correcting "surveyd" to "surveyed" fixes a spelling error, ensuring the text maintains professionalism and accuracy.
"moderate climb" -> "modest increase"
Explanation: "Modest increase" is a more precise and formal way to describe a gradual rise, fitting better in an academic context than "moderate climb."

These changes enhance the formal tone, improve precision, and align the language with academic standards, making the essay more suitable for scholarly or professional audiences.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully extend the key features. For example, the essay states that the number of all marriages in the UK was the highest in 1951, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. Additionally, the essay does not provide a clear overview of the overall trend in remarriages.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made. For example, the essay could state that the number of all marriages in the UK was 400,000 in 1951, and that this was the highest number of marriages recorded in the given time frame. The essay could also provide a more detailed overview of the trend in remarriages, stating that the number of remarriages remained relatively constant for the first 30 years of the survey period, but then increased significantly after 1981.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. It effectively uses cohesive devices, although there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped for clarity. The central topics of each paragraph are identifiable, but the transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow of information.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be done by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph contains closely related ideas. Additionally, enhancing the clarity of referencing and substitution will help to avoid repetition and improve overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "notable," "witnessed," and "surveyd," but some inaccuracies and awkward phrases are present, such as "marriaged" instead of "married." There are also some errors in spelling (e.g., "surveyd" should be "surveyed") that do not impede overall communication but may distract the reader. The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the context, but it lacks the sophistication and flexibility seen in higher bands.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and avoiding awkward constructions. They could also benefit from expanding their range of less common lexical items and ensuring correct word forms. Practicing synonyms and collocations related to marriage and statistics could help improve both accuracy and variety in word choice. Additionally, proofreading for spelling errors would further strengthen the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some effective structures and the overall message is communicated, there are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, the phrase "the data for people getting marriaged for the first time increased minimally" uses "marriaged," which is not standard English. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation and sentence structure that could be improved for better coherence.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, ensuring that complex sentences are constructed correctly. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward word choices, such as replacing "marriaged" with "married," would improve clarity. Practicing more complex grammatical forms and ensuring that punctuation is used correctly will also help in achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the number of marriages recorded in the UK across three categories: first marriages, remarriages, and the total number of marriages, between 1951 and 2001. Overall, while the quantity of total and first marriages witnessed a downward trend, the opposite was true for remarriages. Additionally, the number of marriages in the UK as a whole remained the highest during the given time frame.

A closer examination of the categories with considerable declines reveals that in 1951, the number of total marriages in the UK was the highest, standing at a notable 400,000, followed closely by first marriages with about 350,000. In the subsequent 20 years, while the figure for total marriages increased by 50,000 and peaked at 450,000, the data for first marriages increased minimally. It is also noteworthy that by 2001, the figures for both types of marriage fell to their lowest points: about 375,000 for total marriages and exactly 250,000 for first marriages.

Upon analyzing those who remarried, it is observed that the number of remarriages remained constant at 150,000 during the first 30 years of the surveyed period, despite some marginal fluctuations. Moreover, this category witnessed a moderate increase to its highest point of 200,000 post-1981.