The graph shows the number of people taking parts in 4 kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the number of people taking parts in 4 kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart displays the number of participants joining four different sports in an area from 1985 to 2005.

Overall, the number of people taking part in basketball and badminton remains relatively stable. By contrast, rugby witnesses a dramatic drop throughout the period, while tennis experiences a steady increase.

In 1985, about 70 people participated in basketball. The figure stayed fairly unchanged after 5 years. However, it rose slightly to roughly 90 participants in 1995 and remained stable until 2000 before a slight drop by 2005. Similarly, badminton started with just above 50 people in 1985, after which the figure declined slightly to just under 50 in the next five years before experiencing a slight rise to 50 in 1995. It then stayed unchanged until the end of the period.

At the beginning of the period, the number of participants participating in tennis was 150. The figure then grew steadily to 200 over the next 10 years. The upward trend continued and peaked at approximately 220 people. Conversely, rugby witnessed the highest number of participants in 1985 with around 240; however, the figure experienced a downward trend to 200 in 1995. It then decreased drastically and reached the lowest of 50 at the end of the period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"taking part in" -> "participating in"
Explanation: "Participating in" is a more formal and precise phrase commonly used in academic or professional contexts.
"witnesses" -> "witnessed"
Explanation: Using the past tense "witnessed" is more appropriate as the essay is discussing events that have already occurred.
"remained relatively stable" -> "remained relatively constant"
Explanation: "Constant" provides a more precise description, emphasizing that there were minimal fluctuations.
"stayed fairly unchanged" -> "remained relatively unchanged"
Explanation: "Remained relatively unchanged" is more formal and emphasizes stability over time.
"just above" -> "slightly above"
Explanation: "Slightly above" is a more precise and formal expression.
"slight rise" -> "modest increase"
Explanation: "Modest increase" conveys a more significant change than "slight rise" while maintaining formality.
"unchanged" -> "constant"
Explanation: "Constant" provides a more specific description of stability without repetition.
"grew steadily" -> "steadily increased"
Explanation: "Steadily increased" is a stronger and more formal phrase.
"witnessed the highest number" -> "experienced the highest number"
Explanation: "Experienced" is a more neutral and formal term compared to "witnessed."
"experienced a downward trend" -> "saw a decline"
Explanation: "Saw a decline" is a more concise and active expression.
"reached the lowest of" -> "hit a low of"
Explanation: "Hit a low of" is a more idiomatic and concise way to describe reaching the lowest point.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the number of participants in the four sports between 1985 and 2005. It presents key features such as the stability of basketball and badminton participation, the steady increase in tennis participation, and the dramatic drop in rugby participation. The main trends are illustrated and highlighted clearly.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could further extend its presentation of key features by providing additional details or analysis where appropriate. Additionally, ensuring precise data representation and avoiding repetition would enhance clarity and coherence.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes the information and ideas, providing a clear progression throughout. Each paragraph focuses on a specific sport and presents a coherent summary of the data associated with it. The use of transition words such as "overall," "by contrast," and "similarly" helps to guide the reader through the comparisons effectively. Additionally, the essay maintains a clear central topic within each paragraph, discussing the trends of each sport over the specified period.

The cohesive devices used, such as transitional phrases and pronouns, contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are minor instances of underuse and overuse of cohesive devices, slightly detracting from the fluency of the writing. For instance, the transition from discussing badminton to tennis could be smoother with a more explicit connection. Nevertheless, the overall organization and progression of ideas are strong, supporting a Band 7 score.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that transitional phrases are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to facilitate smooth transitions between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to the balance of cohesive devices to avoid overuse or underuse, maintaining a consistent flow of information from paragraph to paragraph. Finally, strive for greater clarity in connecting ideas, particularly when transitioning between different sports or trends.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay effectively employs a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the main features of the data. It utilizes varied lexical items such as "participants," "witnesses," "dramatic drop," "steady increase," "unchanged," "slight rise," and "downward trend" to describe the trends observed in the graph. Additionally, it demonstrates some awareness of style and collocation by using phrases like "remains relatively stable," "experiences a steady increase," and "peaked at approximately." The essay generally conveys the information clearly and accurately, with occasional errors in word choice and minor inaccuracies.

How to improve:
To enhance lexical resource further and potentially achieve a higher band score, strive for more precise and nuanced vocabulary choices throughout the essay. Additionally, ensure that word choice and collocations are consistently accurate to avoid occasional errors. Consider incorporating a wider variety of less common lexical items to add depth and sophistication to the language used. Finally, pay careful attention to spelling and word formation to minimize errors and maintain clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex forms, such as compound sentences and conditional constructions. There is an evident attempt to use a range of grammatical structures, contributing to the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay. Most sentences are error-free, and there is good control of grammar and punctuation throughout the essay. The essay effectively communicates the main features of the graph and makes relevant comparisons between the sports over the specified period.

How to improve: To potentially enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, strive for even more complex sentence structures and vary the use of conjunctions and transitional phrases to further enrich the essay’s coherence. Additionally, careful proofreading to catch and rectify any remaining minor errors would help elevate the essay’s overall grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line chart illustrates the participation trends in four distinct sports within a specific region from 1985 to 2005.

Overall, the number of individuals engaged in basketball and badminton remained relatively stable, whereas rugby experienced a significant decline over the period, contrasting with the steady growth observed in tennis.

In 1985, approximately 70 individuals took part in basketball, a figure that exhibited minimal variation over the subsequent five years. However, there was a slight increase to around 90 participants by 1995, maintaining stability until 2000, with a slight decrease evident by 2005. Similarly, badminton commenced with just above 50 participants in 1985, with a slight decline to just under 50 by 1990, followed by a modest rise to 50 by 1995, remaining constant thereafter.

Tennis initiated the period with 150 participants, experiencing a steady increase to 200 by the end of the first decade. The upward trajectory persisted, reaching a peak of approximately 220 individuals. Conversely, rugby saw its highest participation in 1985 with around 240 individuals, followed by a decline to 200 by 1995, and a subsequent drastic decrease to 50 by the conclusion of the period.