The graph shows the number of UK adolescents following a vegetarian diet. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the number of UK adolescents following a vegetarian diet.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

These data source clearly depict about the average consumption of fresh produce in each of person.
Overall, it is clear that a brief assessment of the information reveals that the most consumption of fresh produce is commensurate with the year between 1990 and 2000, while the year 1970 had lowest index. Nonetheless, this former still be tended moderately following from 1970 to 1990.
It can be seen that during period from 1970 to 1990, which witnessed an upward trend throught 100 to 300g, while the year from 2010 to 2030 had erratic values that declined rapidly of 400 to 200g. The consumption of fresh produce also witnessed a moderate drop of 100g in 2000.
From the year 1990 to 2000, the person consumed some fresh manufacture unchanging data, which fluctuated approximately 300g. A more detail when the line graph demonstrate the year from 2000 to 2020, the period changed over time, which made up nearly 550g as well as tending to decline over time.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "These data source" -> "This data source"
   Explanation: "These data source" is grammatically incorrect as "data" is a singular noun. Replacing it with "This data source" ensures subject-verb agreement.

2. "depict about" -> "depict"
   Explanation: The word "about" is unnecessary in this context. "Depict" on its own is sufficient to convey the meaning of showing or representing.

3. "each of person" -> "each individual"
   Explanation: "Each of person" is awkward phrasing. Using "each individual" is more precise and formal.

4. "commensurate with" -> "peaked during"
   Explanation: "Commensurate with" does not accurately convey the idea of reaching the highest point. "Peaked during" is a more appropriate term to describe the highest consumption.

5. "be tended" -> "tended"
   Explanation: "Be tended" is not grammatically correct. "Tended" is the correct past tense form of the verb "tend."

6. "throught" -> "throughout"
   Explanation: "Throught" is a misspelling of "throughout." Using the correct term improves the clarity and professionalism of the sentence.

7. "erratic values that declined rapidly of" -> "fluctuated drastically from"
   Explanation: "Erratic values that declined rapidly of" is awkward and unclear. "Fluctuated drastically from" conveys the idea of significant changes more effectively.

8. "fresh manufacture" -> "fresh produce"
   Explanation: "Fresh manufacture" is an incorrect term. "Fresh produce" is the appropriate phrase to refer to fruits and vegetables.

9. "A more detail when the line graph demonstrate" -> "Further details from the line graph show"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. "Further details from the line graph show" is a clearer and more precise way to introduce additional information.

10. "changed over time, which made up nearly" -> "varied over time, reaching"
    Explanation: "Changed over time, which made up nearly" is awkward and unclear. "Varied over time, reaching" is a more concise and accurate way to express the idea of fluctuation in consumption.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by summarizing the information about the consumption of fresh produce among UK adolescents following a vegetarian diet. However, the response lacks clarity and coherence in presenting the main features. The information provided is vague and lacks specific details or comparisons between the data points. Additionally, the essay contains inaccuracies and irrelevant information that do not effectively summarize the main features of the graph.

How to improve: To improve the Task Achievement score, focus on clearly presenting the main features of the graph, such as trends in consumption over time and comparisons between different years. Provide specific data points and avoid irrelevant details that do not contribute to the overall summary. Ensure that the response is well-structured and logically organized to effectively convey the key information from the graph.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay presents information about the consumption of fresh produce among UK adolescents but lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not arranged coherently making it difficult to follow the progression of information. The use of cohesive devices is basic and sometimes inaccurate, leading to a lack of logical relationships between ideas. Paragraphing is confusing and does not contribute to the overall organization of the essay.

How to improve: To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, focus on organizing ideas in a logical manner. Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas and create a smoother flow of information. Ensure that paragraphing is logical and contributes to the overall structure of the essay. Additionally, work on providing clear and accurate information that is easy to follow for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates the use of basic vocabulary and lacks sophistication in lexical features. There are repetitive and inappropriate word choices throughout the essay, which hinders the clarity and precision of the message. The errors in word formation and spelling also cause strain for the reader, making it difficult to follow the content effectively.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource of the essay, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more appropriate and varied lexical items. They should aim to convey their ideas with more precision and clarity by avoiding repetitive language and ensuring accurate word choice and collocation. Additionally, paying attention to spelling and word formation errors will enhance the overall readability and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of structures with some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay lacks coherence and clarity due to the use of awkward and unclear sentence structures. There are frequent grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes throughout the essay, making it challenging for the reader to follow the information presented.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy score, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures and ensuring that sentences are clear and concise. Paying attention to grammar rules and punctuation usage will also help in reducing errors and improving the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, proofreading the essay for errors before submission is crucial to enhance the quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided data illustrates the average consumption of fresh produce per person in the UK Overall, it is evident that the highest consumption of fresh produce occurred between 1990 and 2000, with the lowest index recorded in 1970. However, there was a moderate increase in consumption from 1970 to 1990.

Between 1970 and 1990, there was a steady upward trend in consumption, ranging from 100g to 300g. In contrast, the period from 2010 to 2030 saw fluctuating values that sharply declined from 400g to 200g. Additionally, there was a moderate decrease of 100g in consumption in 2000.

From 1990 to 2000, there was relatively stable consumption of fresh produce, fluctuating around 300g. A more detailed analysis of the line graph for the years 2000 to 2020 reveals a gradual increase in consumption, peaking at nearly 550g before declining over time.