The graph shows the percentage of UK adolescents following a vegetarian diet. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the percentage of UK adolescents following a vegetarian diet.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The provided chart reveals the proportion of general interest in vegetarism among UK adolescents over a span of 7 years, from 1960 to 2020.
Overall, it is apparent from the graph that the popularity of vegetable diet among UK teenagers grew throughout the period in review. Although undergoing a significant plunge in the middle of the time period, the trend still witnessed an upward trend on the whole.
In 1960, barely anyone was keen on vegetarism, however, the figures rose drastically by 15% in 3-year time to 1980, followed by a moderate decline to approximately over 5% since then. Interest in organic diet among adolescents in the UK reached a trough of under 5% by the year of 2000.
Since then, the proportion soon made it recovered and minimally rise before fell slightly in 2000. Over the next decade, there is a twofold increase from 5% to over 10% in 2010 before stabilizing at around 10% until the final year of the given timeline.

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Errors and Improvements:

"vegetarism" -> "vegetarianism"
Explanation: "Vegetarianism" is the correct spelling of the term referring to the practice of abstaining from consuming meat. Using the correct spelling ensures accuracy and clarity in communication.
"Although undergoing a significant plunge" -> "Although experiencing a significant decline"
Explanation: "Undergoing" is not the most precise term here. "Experiencing" better conveys the idea of the trend facing a decline. "Plunge" could be replaced with "decline" for a more formal and accurate description.
"popularity of vegetable diet" -> "popularity of a vegetable-based diet"
Explanation: The phrase "vegetable diet" could be misinterpreted as a diet consisting solely of vegetables, while the intended meaning seems to refer to a diet based on vegetables. Adding "a" before "vegetable-based diet" clarifies this.
"keen on vegetarism" -> "interested in vegetarianism"
Explanation: "Keen on" is more informal compared to "interested in." Using "interested in" maintains formality and clarity in expressing the level of attraction toward vegetarianism.
"figures rose drastically by 15% in 3-year time to 1980" -> "figures rose significantly by 15% over a three-year period to reach 1980"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and precision. "Over a three-year period" specifies the duration more explicitly, and "to reach 1980" clarifies the endpoint of the increase.
"Interest in organic diet among adolescents" -> "Interest in an organic diet among adolescents"
Explanation: Adding the article "an" before "organic diet" improves grammatical correctness and clarifies that "organic diet" is a specific type of diet.
"reached a trough of under 5%" -> "reached a low point of under 5%"
Explanation: "Trough" is a suitable term to describe a low point, but adding "low point" enhances clarity for readers who may not be familiar with the term’s usage in this context.
"made it recovered and minimally rise" -> "recovered and experienced a minimal rise"
Explanation: "Made it" is awkward and could be replaced with "recovered." Additionally, "minimally rise" should be changed to "experienced a minimal rise" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"fell slightly in 2000" -> "fell slightly in the year 2000"
Explanation: Adding "the year" before "2000" provides specificity and clarity about the timeframe of the decline.
"Over the next decade, there is a twofold increase" -> "Over the next decade, there was a twofold increase"
Explanation: Maintaining verb tense consistency. Since the essay is discussing past events, "was" should replace "is" to match the past tense.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the graph, including the overall trend and specific data points. It presents a clear overview of the main trends in the percentage of UK adolescents following a vegetarian diet over the given period. Key features, such as the initial low interest, the significant increase by 1980, the subsequent decline, and the recovery in the 2000s, are highlighted and illustrated.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more specific data points and focus on accuracy and precision in reporting the percentages. Additionally, expanding on the significance or potential reasons behind the trends observed could enhance the depth of analysis.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents some organization by providing a general overview of the trend in interest in vegetarianism among UK adolescents over a 60-year period. However, there are issues with coherence and cohesion. While there is an attempt at summarizing the main features, the progression of ideas lacks clarity, and there is no clear overall structure. Additionally, there are instances of inaccurate or inadequate use of cohesive devices, such as faulty transitions between sentences and repetition of phrases ("over a span of 7 years" and "throughout the period in review"). The essay lacks clear referencing and substitution, making it somewhat repetitive. Paragraphing is utilized, but it is not logically structured, impacting the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay should begin with a clear introduction that outlines the main trends depicted in the chart. Each paragraph should focus on specific time periods or significant changes in the data, with clear topic sentences to guide the reader. Cohesive devices should be used effectively to establish logical relationships between ideas, and referencing should be clear and concise to avoid repetition. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph is logically structured and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay utilizes an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, which aligns with the expectations of a band 6 score. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary such as "vegetarism," "plunge," and "trough," although these terms are used with some inaccuracies and appear awkward within the context. For example, "vegetarism" is not a commonly accepted term, which might confuse readers, and "plunge" and "trough" could have been used more accurately or replaced with more appropriate synonyms. The essay contains errors in word formation and spelling, such as "vegetarism" instead of "vegetarianism" and the incorrect sequence of events ("minimally rise before fell slightly in 2000" should be "rose minimally before falling slightly in 2000"). However, these do not severely impede communication, thus meeting the lexical resource criteria for band 6.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer could focus on the following areas:

Precision and Accuracy: Improve the accuracy of vocabulary by using standard terms ("vegetarianism" instead of "vegetarism") and ensuring that word choice is contextually appropriate ("increase" rather than "plunge" for a rising trend).
Word Formation and Spelling: Attention to correct spelling and word formation will improve clarity and professionalism. Proofreading to catch and correct such errors is crucial.
Range and Flexibility: Incorporating a broader range of vocabulary and experimenting with synonyms could help in conveying precise meanings more effectively. For instance, varying terms like "popularity," "trend," and "interest" could replace repetitive uses of "proportion" and "figure."
Less Common Vocabulary: To move towards a higher band, practicing the use of less common vocabulary correctly will be beneficial. This includes learning collocations and stylistic nuances that make the text appear more natural to native speakers.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There is an attempt to vary sentence structures, but some sentences could be more complex for a higher score. While the essay generally communicates its ideas clearly, there are several grammatical errors and instances of awkward phrasing that slightly hinder comprehension. However, these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To improve the score, focus on enhancing the variety of sentence structures used throughout the essay. Additionally, pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation to reduce errors. Strive for clearer and more concise phrasing to enhance overall readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided chart illustrates the evolution of vegetarianism interest among adolescents in the UK from 1960 to 2020.

Overall, it is evident from the graph that the inclination towards a vegetarian diet among UK teenagers experienced a steady increase over the specified duration. Despite encountering a notable decline midway through the period, the trend exhibited an overall upward trajectory.

In 1960, there was scarcely any interest in vegetarianism. However, within a span of three years, the figures surged dramatically by 15% until 1980, followed by a modest decline to slightly above 5% thereafter. The enthusiasm for a plant-based diet among UK adolescents reached its lowest point, dipping below 5% in the year 2000.

Subsequently, the proportion gradually rebounded and marginally ascended before experiencing a slight downturn in 2005. Throughout the subsequent decade, there was a twofold surge from 5% to over 10% by 2010, stabilizing at around 10% until the culmination of the specified timeframe in 2020.