The line graph below shows the production of paper, wood pulp and sawn-wood in the UK from 1980 to 2000

The graph demonstrates the manufacture of 3 mainly forest products, namely paper, wood pulp and sawn-wood in the UK territory over a period of 20 years commencing in 1980.

By and large, It can be clearly seen that there was a significant variation in the figures of 3 products, while Paper & Packaging and Wood pulp experienced an increasing tendency, the other was reported to have an opposite.

In 1980, the figure for Paper & Packaging was initiated with about 230 million tons which was higher more than 2 times as Wood pulp. Over the following 20 years, the number continued to grow dramatically until peaked at exactly 350 million tons in 2000. Meanwhile, Wood pulp commenced to drop steadily, and then returned to its beginning in the last 10 years.
In terms of Sawn-wood, the production started at exactly 200 million tons in 1980. However, the data began to plunge sharply prior to hitting its lowest point at about 150 million tons in 2000.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"By and large" -> "Overall"
Explanation: "By and large" is somewhat informal and vague. "Overall" is a more precise and formal term suitable for academic writing.
"It can be clearly seen" -> "It is evident"
Explanation: "It can be clearly seen" is slightly informal and verbose. "It is evident" is concise and maintains a formal tone.
"experienced an increasing tendency" -> "showed an increasing trend"
Explanation: "Experienced an increasing tendency" is awkward and less direct. "Showed an increasing trend" is more direct and commonly used in academic discourse.
"the other was reported to have an opposite" -> "the other showed a decline"
Explanation: "The other was reported to have an opposite" is unclear and verbose. "The other showed a decline" is straightforward and more precise.
"initiated with about 230 million tons" -> "began at approximately 230 million tons"
Explanation: "Initiated with" is less common and slightly informal in this context. "Began at approximately" is more standard and precise in academic writing.
"was higher more than 2 times" -> "was more than double"
Explanation: "Was higher more than 2 times" is awkward and verbose. "Was more than double" is concise and clearer.
"the number continued to grow dramatically" -> "the numbers continued to increase significantly"
Explanation: "Grow dramatically" is somewhat informal and vague. "Increase significantly" is more precise and formal.
"peaked at exactly 350 million tons" -> "reached exactly 350 million tons"
Explanation: "Peaked" can imply a temporary maximum, which might not be the intended meaning. "Reached" is more neutral and suitable for describing a maximum value.
"commenced to drop steadily" -> "began to decline steadily"
Explanation: "Commenced to drop" is less common and slightly awkward. "Began to decline" is more natural and formal.
"returned to its beginning" -> "returned to its initial levels"
Explanation: "Returned to its beginning" is vague and informal. "Returned to its initial levels" is more specific and formal.
"the data began to plunge sharply" -> "the data sharply decreased"
Explanation: "Began to plunge" is informal and slightly dramatic. "Sharply decreased" is straightforward and maintains a formal tone.
"prior to hitting its lowest point" -> "before reaching its lowest point"
Explanation: "Prior to hitting" is slightly informal and less precise. "Before reaching" is more commonly used in formal writing.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the graph, but the details are not always accurate. For example, the essay states that the production of paper and packaging was "higher more than 2 times as Wood pulp" in 1980, but the graph shows that the production of paper and packaging was only slightly higher than the production of wood pulp. The essay also states that the production of sawn-wood "began to plunge sharply prior to hitting its lowest point at about 150 million tons in 2000," but the graph shows that the production of sawn-wood declined steadily over the 20-year period.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate details about the trends in the graph. The writer should also avoid using vague language, such as "by and large" and "continued to grow dramatically." Instead, the writer should use specific numbers and data points to support their claims.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. However, while it uses cohesive devices effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical, leading to a lack of fluidity in the writing. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the transitions between ideas could be smoother. The central topics within each paragraph are somewhat clear, but the overall organization could be improved to enhance clarity and coherence.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, focus on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be done by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that transitions between ideas are more fluid. Additionally, consider refining the paragraph structure to ensure that each paragraph clearly supports a single main idea, which will help in presenting a more organized response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "manufacture," "commenced," and "plunge." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the other was reported to have an opposite," which is unclear and awkwardly phrased. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "higher more than 2 times" (which should be "more than twice") and "the figure for Paper & Packaging was initiated with about 230 million tons" (which could be more clearly stated). These issues do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall effectiveness of the lexical resource.

How to improve: To improve the score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. They should also aim to enhance their control over word formation and collocation, ensuring that phrases are clear and appropriately used. Additionally, reducing grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will contribute to a more sophisticated use of language. Engaging with more complex vocabulary and varied sentence structures would also help elevate the lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there is an attempt to use varied structures, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "the other was reported to have an opposite" and "the figure for Paper & Packaging was initiated with about 230 million tons which was higher more than 2 times as Wood pulp" are not grammatically correct and can confuse the reader. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation and sentence structure that detract from the overall accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. This can be done by:

Ensuring that complex sentences are constructed correctly and clearly.
Reducing grammatical errors by proofreading the essay for common mistakes.
Using more precise vocabulary to enhance clarity and coherence.
Practicing the use of subordinate clauses to add variety to sentence structures.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph demonstrates the production of three primary forest products, namely paper, wood pulp, and sawn-wood in the UK over a period of 20 years, commencing in 1980.

By and large, it can be clearly seen that there was a significant variation in the figures for the three products. While paper and wood pulp experienced an increasing trend, sawn-wood exhibited the opposite pattern.

In 1980, the figure for paper and packaging began at about 230 million tons, which was more than twice that of wood pulp. Over the following 20 years, the production of paper continued to grow dramatically, peaking at exactly 350 million tons in 2000. Meanwhile, wood pulp started to decline steadily, ultimately returning to its initial level in the last 10 years.

In terms of sawn-wood, production started at exactly 200 million tons in 1980. However, the figures began to plunge sharply, reaching their lowest point at about 150 million tons in 2000.