The map below shows the plan of a proposed new town. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram demonstrates the projected layout for a new town.
As can be seen from the diagram, it is clearly evident that the map is designed to offer a wide range of facilities including residential, recreational and industrial areas as well as a well-planned network for accessibility.
There will be the construction of housing facilities showing a significant dominance in the proposed town to accommodate its population density, excepting for the northwest and southeast sections, where there will be an industrial zone.
Regarding the central part, there will be a square featured area for parking services, including two parking lots and two bus stops. Upon expanding, there will be the introduction of a ring road connecting to all roads, ensuring seamless accessibility of the entire town. In addition, recreational areas will be erected around the square area, particularly to the south and to the east of parking facilities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"As can be seen from the diagram" -> "As depicted in the diagram"
Explanation: "As depicted in the diagram" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the statement.
"it is clearly evident" -> "it is evident"
Explanation: Removing "clearly" avoids redundancy and maintains a more straightforward, formal tone.
"a wide range of facilities" -> "a diverse range of facilities"
Explanation: "Diverse" is more specific and academically appropriate than "wide," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"including residential, recreational and industrial areas" -> "comprising residential, recreational, and industrial areas"
Explanation: "Comprising" is more precise and formal than "including" in this context, emphasizing the inclusion of various types of areas.
"There will be the construction" -> "Construction will take place"
Explanation: "Construction will take place" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward construction "There will be the construction."
"showing a significant dominance" -> "predominating"
Explanation: "Predominating" is a more concise and formal term that effectively conveys dominance in a spatial context.
"excepting for the northwest and southeast sections" -> "excluding the northwest and southeast sections"
Explanation: "Excluding" is more precise and formal than "excepting for," which is less commonly used in formal writing.
"Regarding the central part" -> "In the central area"
Explanation: "In the central area" is more direct and formal, avoiding the less formal "Regarding."
"featured area for parking services" -> "designated parking area"
Explanation: "Designated parking area" is more specific and formal, avoiding the vague "featured area."
"Upon expanding" -> "Upon further development"
Explanation: "Upon further development" is more precise and formal, indicating a planned future action.
"ensuring seamless accessibility" -> "ensuring unimpeded accessibility"
Explanation: "Unimpeded" is a more precise term that conveys the intended meaning of uninterrupted accessibility.
"will be erected" -> "will be constructed"
Explanation: "Will be constructed" is more specific and appropriate for describing the building of structures, aligning better with the context of urban planning.

These changes refine the vocabulary to better suit an academic style, enhancing clarity, precision, and formality in the essay.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the map, including the location of housing, industrial areas, recreational areas, and parking facilities. The essay also makes some comparisons, such as noting the dominance of housing in the town. However, the essay does not fully cover all of the key features of the map, such as the ring road and the bus stops. The essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the statement that the map is designed to offer a wide range of facilities.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more comprehensive overview of the map, including all of the key features. The essay could also be improved by removing irrelevant details and focusing on the main points. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the features of the map. For example, instead of saying that the map is designed to offer a wide range of facilities, the essay could say that the map shows a town with a mix of residential, recreational, and industrial areas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the general layout of the town to specific areas. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences appears mechanical, such as in the repetitive use of "there will be" at the beginning of several sentences. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better logical flow, particularly in separating distinct ideas or features of the town.

How to improve: To enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer should aim to vary sentence structures and cohesive devices to avoid repetition. Additionally, clearer referencing could be employed to connect ideas more fluidly, and the use of paragraphs could be optimized by grouping related information together more logically. For example, separating the discussion of residential areas from recreational and industrial zones into distinct paragraphs would improve clarity and organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "projected layout," "facilities," and "population density." However, there are attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "dominance" and "erected," which are not always accurate in context. While the vocabulary used is sufficient for communication, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases that detract from overall clarity. Errors in word choice, such as "showing a significant dominance," may confuse the reader, and there are minor issues with word formation and spelling, although they do not impede understanding.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and appropriateness. This includes practicing the use of less common lexical items in context to ensure they are used correctly. Additionally, reducing errors in word choice and improving collocation will help convey more precise meanings. Engaging with advanced vocabulary through reading and writing exercises can also aid in developing a more sophisticated lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some grammatical errors present. While the majority of the sentences are understandable, there are instances where errors in grammar and punctuation occur, which may slightly hinder communication. For example, the phrase "showing a significant dominance in the proposed town" could be clearer, and the use of "excepting" is somewhat awkward in this context. Overall, the essay has a reasonable level of control over grammar and punctuation, but the errors are noticeable and affect the overall fluency of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to enhance the overall grammatical range.
Minimize Errors: Proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical and punctuation errors. This includes ensuring subject-verb agreement and proper use of conjunctions.
Clarify Ideas: Aim for clearer expression of ideas, particularly in complex sentences. Avoid awkward phrasing and ensure that each sentence conveys its intended meaning without ambiguity.
Practice: Regular practice with writing tasks and seeking feedback can help in identifying common errors and improving overall grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram demonstrates the projected layout for a new town. As can be seen from the diagram, it is evident that the map is designed to offer a wide range of facilities, including residential, recreational, and industrial areas, as well as a well-planned network for accessibility.

There will be a significant construction of housing facilities, which will dominate the proposed town to accommodate its population density, except in the northwest and southeast sections, where an industrial zone will be located.

In the central part, there will be a square area designated for parking services, featuring two parking lots and two bus stops. Additionally, a ring road will be introduced, connecting all roads and ensuring seamless accessibility throughout the entire town. Furthermore, recreational areas will be developed around the square, particularly to the south and east of the parking facilities.