The maps below show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now and plans for its development.

The maps illustrate the changes that may take place in the heart of Islip town from now to the future. Overall, the area has undergone significant transformation, with notable developments in infrastructure and land use.
Overall, the area has seen considerable development over the period, with major changes including the construction of new facilities, improvements in transport infrastructure, and the repurposing of land.
Now, the area features several key elements, including two shops which are opposite each other and separated by a main road. Moreover, there is a school in the Southwest, a park in the East and land for housing in the center. In the sketch of the plan, these features had undergone various changes. For instance, the shops at the top of the map will be replaced by a variety of new amenities like bus station, shopping center and car park, reflecting a shift in land use priorities. Additionally, the main road will be removed, indicating a focus on pedestrian pathway.
Further developments can be seen in the transport infrastructure. Now, the area has only a main road, which connects to school in the West and park in the South. In the future, significant improvements will be made, including the addition of expanded dual carriageway surrounding the town. These changes have likely contributed to enhanced connectivity and accessibility, facilitating easier movement within the area.
Another notable change is the transformation of housing. Now, there are only two housing areas. In the future, they will add two more new housing areas, the first one is in the North of the town and near the car park, the second one is on the rest side and next to a park, which will be still in the same place in the planned development.
In conclusion, the maps reveal that Islip town center will experience substantial development in the future. The changes reflect a clear shift modernization, improved infrastructure, enhanced living standards, making the area more livable.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"maps illustrate" -> "the maps depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrate" in the context of visual representations like maps, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"significant transformation" -> "substantial transformation"
Explanation: "Substantial" is a more precise adjective for describing changes in size or extent, which is more suitable for academic writing than "significant" which can be vague.
"notable developments" -> "notable changes"
Explanation: "Changes" is more specific to the context of the maps, which describe alterations over time, making it a more precise choice than "developments."
"Now, the area features" -> "Currently, the area comprises"
Explanation: "Comprises" is a more formal and precise term than "features" for describing the composition of elements within a space.
"opposite each other" -> "adjacent to each other"
Explanation: "Adjacent to each other" is a more formal and precise way to describe the spatial relationship between the shops.
"improvements in transport infrastructure" -> "enhancements to the transportation infrastructure"
Explanation: "Enhancements to the transportation infrastructure" is a more formal and specific phrase, aligning better with academic language.
"repurposing of land" -> "redevelopment of land"
Explanation: "Redevelopment" is a more specific term that accurately describes the process of changing the use of land, which is more precise than "repurposing."
"a variety of new amenities" -> "a range of new facilities"
Explanation: "Facilities" is a more formal term than "amenities" and "range" is more precise than "variety" in this context.
"will be removed" -> "will be eliminated"
Explanation: "Eliminated" is a more formal and precise term than "removed" in the context of removing infrastructure.
"pedestrian pathway" -> "pedestrianized area"
Explanation: "Pedestrianized area" is a more specific and formal term that accurately describes the transformation of a space into a pedestrian-friendly zone.
"significant improvements" -> "substantial enhancements"
Explanation: "Enhancements" is a more formal synonym for "improvements" and "substantial" is preferred over "significant" for describing the extent of changes in academic writing.
"they will add" -> "additional"
Explanation: "Additional" is a more concise and formal way to describe the introduction of new elements, eliminating the need for the verb "will add."
"the first one is in the North of the town and near the car park" -> "the first is situated in the northern part of the town, adjacent to the car park"
Explanation: "Situated" and "adjacent to" are more precise and formal, improving the clarity and formality of the description.
"the second one is on the rest side and next to a park" -> "the second is located on the remaining side and adjacent to the park"
Explanation: "Located" and "remaining side" provide a clearer and more formal description of the location, and "adjacent to" is preferred over "next to" for formal writing.
"making the area more livable" -> "enhancing the livability of the area"
Explanation: "Enhancing the livability" is a more formal and precise phrase that accurately describes the improvement in quality of life within the area.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes to the town centre, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages of development. It also does not adequately highlight all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay does not mention the new bus station, shopping centre, and car park in the planned development.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the changes to the town centre. The essay should also highlight all the key features/bullet points in the maps, including the new bus station, shopping centre, and car park. The essay should also be more concise and avoid repetition. For example, the essay states that the shops will be replaced by a variety of new amenities, including a bus station, shopping centre, and car park. This information could be presented more concisely by simply stating that the shops will be replaced by a bus station, shopping centre, and car park.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression. There is a logical structure to the response, with distinct sections addressing the current state of Islip and the proposed changes. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where referencing could be clearer. For example, phrases like "the first one" and "the second one" could be more explicitly linked to the specific housing areas mentioned earlier. Additionally, while paragraphing is evident, it could be improved for better clarity and logical flow.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively, ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. Clarifying references and improving the specificity of descriptions will strengthen the connection between sentences and paragraphs. Furthermore, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically progresses from one to the next will help achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the rest side" instead of "the east side," and "shift modernization" which should be "shift towards modernization." Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "the first one is in the North of the town," which should be "the first one is to the north of the town." While these errors do not significantly impede communication, they do detract from the overall effectiveness of the lexical resource used.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision. This includes practicing the correct usage of collocations and ensuring that less common vocabulary is used accurately. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors before submission can help eliminate minor mistakes that may distract from the overall clarity of the essay. Engaging with more advanced vocabulary through reading and writing exercises can also aid in developing a more sophisticated lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. While there are some effective uses of complex structures, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the rest side" and "which will be still in the same place" are awkward and could be better expressed. Additionally, there are instances of punctuation errors, such as missing commas that could enhance readability. Overall, while the communication is generally clear, the errors present do impact the overall quality of the writing.

How to improve:

Enhance Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures and ensure that they are used accurately. This can include using subordinate clauses more effectively.
Focus on Grammar and Punctuation: Review the essay for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. Pay particular attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles.
Refine Word Choice: Use more precise vocabulary to avoid awkward phrases. For example, instead of "the rest side," consider using "the eastern side" or "the remaining area."
Proofreading: Allow time for proofreading to catch minor errors and improve overall clarity. This can help in identifying slips that could be easily corrected.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, the area features several key elements, including two shops that are opposite each other and separated by a main road. Moreover, there is a school in the southwest, a park in the east, and land for housing in the center. In the proposed plan, these features will undergo various changes. For instance, the shops at the top of the map will be replaced by a variety of new amenities, such as a bus station, shopping center, and car park, reflecting a shift in land use priorities. Additionally, the main road will be removed, indicating a focus on pedestrian pathways.

Further developments can be seen in the transport infrastructure. At present, the area has only a main road, which connects to the school in the west and the park in the south. In the future, significant improvements will be made, including the addition of an expanded dual carriageway surrounding the town. These changes are likely to contribute to enhanced connectivity and accessibility, facilitating easier movement within the area.

Another notable change is the transformation of housing. Currently, there are only two housing areas. In the future, two more new housing areas will be added: the first one is in the north of the town and near the car park, while the second one is on the east side and next to the park, which will remain in the same location in the planned development.