The maps below show the changes in an Art Centre from 2010 to today.

The exhibited maps illustrated the alternatives that took place in an Art Centre from 2010 to today.
At first glace, the Art Centre underwent several significant changes over the shown period with the addition of some areas and the replacement of some ones.
Regarding to the maps, the linear road situated on the northern side furthest of this area was lengthened with a branch located in the eastern side towarding the south. In contrast, below this road, the roads located in two sides of open air car park which is replaced to multipurpose car park currently are disappeared. Similarly, Art Galleries situated in the furthest southeast side of this centre is destroyed.
In the center of this area, Theatre 200 seats located in the western side is expanded toward the southest and is added100 seats. The cinema adjoined to the east is demolished to make way for Art Gallery. Cafe is relocated to situate in the western side of this area. In addition, Three cinema screens are built today.

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Errors and Improvements:

"took place" -> "occurred"
Explanation: "Took place" is a common phrase, but "occurred" is more precise and formal, especially in academic or descriptive writing.
"At first glace" -> "At first glance"
Explanation: "Glace" is a misspelling; the correct word is "glance," meaning a quick look or view.
"some ones" -> "some areas"
Explanation: "Some ones" is not grammatically correct here; "some areas" is a more appropriate term to refer to different parts or regions within the Art Centre.
"Regarding to" -> "Regarding"
Explanation: "Regarding to" is redundant; "Regarding" is sufficient to introduce the topic or subject being discussed.
"towarding" -> "toward"
Explanation: "Toward" is the correct form of this word, indicating direction, while "twarding" is not a standard term.
"are disappeared" -> "have disappeared"
Explanation: "Are disappeared" is not grammatically correct; using "have disappeared" shows the past action of something vanishing more accurately.
"is destroyed" -> "has been destroyed"
Explanation: "Is destroyed" should be in the passive voice as "has been destroyed" to indicate the action done to the Art Galleries.
"expanded toward the southest" -> "expanded to the southeast"
Explanation: "Toward the southest" is unclear; "expanded to the southeast" specifies the direction more precisely.
"adjoined to" -> "adjacent to"
Explanation: "Adjoined to" is correct but "adjacent to" is more commonly used and clearer in describing the relationship between the cinema and the Art Gallery.
"Cafe is relocated to situate" -> "The cafe has been relocated to be situated"
Explanation: Using "has been relocated" and "to be situated" clarifies the action of moving the cafe and its new placement.
"Three cinema screens are built today" -> "Three cinema screens have been constructed."
Explanation: "Are built today" can be expressed more formally as "have been constructed," which is more suitable for written language.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

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Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by describing changes in the Art Centre from 2010 to today. It provides some details about the changes, such as the expansion of the Theatre and the addition of cinema screens. However, the essay lacks a clear overview of the main trends or changes, and the format is somewhat inappropriate with unclear descriptions at times.
How to improve: To improve, focus on providing a clearer overview of the changes by organizing the information more effectively. Ensure that key features are highlighted more prominently and avoid irrelevant or inaccurate details. Additionally, aim for a more coherent and concise writing style.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion throughout. The overall progression of ideas is clear, with a logical organization of information from the changes described in the Art Centre from 2010 to the present. There is an attempt to use cohesive devices effectively, although some instances of faulty cohesion can be observed, such as awkward sentence structures and unclear references.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on enhancing sentence-level transitions and clarity of references. Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear central topic and that ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. Additionally, strive for more consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay. Finally, pay attention to logical paragraphing to enhance the readability and organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary. While it adequately describes the changes in the Art Centre, there are noticeable repetitions of words and phrases such as "Art Centre" and "located." The vocabulary used is minimally adequate for the task, but there is room for improvement in variety and sophistication. Some errors in word choice and formation are evident, such as "furthest of this area" instead of "farthest in this area," and "towarding" instead of "towards." These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in fully understanding the message.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to diversify their vocabulary by using synonyms and varied expressions. They could also benefit from a more precise selection of words and phrases to convey their ideas. Additionally, paying closer attention to word choice and formation to minimize errors will enhance clarity and coherence in the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a variety of structures, including some complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout the essay that hinder communication. For example, "the linear road situated on the northern side furthest of this area was lengthened with a branch located in the eastern side towarding the south" contains awkward phrasing and errors in subject-verb agreement. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation, such as missing commas and periods. These errors make it challenging for the reader to fully understand the content.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures and pay attention to grammatical rules. Practice writing complex sentences and ensure that they are clear and correctly structured. Review punctuation rules to improve the overall readability of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided maps depict the evolution of an Art Centre from 2010 to the present day.

Initially, significant transformations occurred within the Art Centre during the specified period, including the addition and replacement of various areas.

According to the maps, the linear road situated on the northern side of the area experienced an extension, with a new branch emerging from the eastern side and extending towards the south. Conversely, the roads flanking both sides of the open-air car park, which has now been replaced by a multipurpose car park, have been removed. Similarly, the Art Galleries situated in the far southeast corner of the center have been demolished.

In the central region of the area, the Theatre with 200 seats located on the western side has undergone expansion towards the southeast, accommodating an additional 100 seats. Additionally, the cinema adjacent to the east has been demolished to pave the way for an Art Gallery. The café has been relocated to the western side of the area. Furthermore, three cinema screens have been erected as of today.