the maps below show the changes in the art gallery ground floor in 2015 and present day

The given diagrams illustrate the modifications to the ground floor of the art gallery from 2015 to present time.

Overall, the area has gone through a lot of alterations, with the appearances, relocations and transformations of various landmarks. The most noticeable is the destruction of the gallery office.

Looking at the details, we can see the unchange of three rooms which were exhibition room 1,2 and 3 at the right side of the map. However, next to exhibition room 3 on the left hand side, there has been a big difference as the stairs at the present have been moved some distance to the left compared to before, . which has lead to the lift being constructed at the blank space on the right side of the stairs. And at the top corner of the left side, the cafe has been changed into the gallery shop and is smaller than before.

On the other hand, in the center of the demonstration, the receptionist and the entrance hall have been moved down nearer to the entrance. Besides, the exhibition room 4 has been destroyed and replaced by two rooms, a temporary exhibition and children’s area. Right on top, the galley office has been demolished to put in a vending machine. Last but not least, a ramp for wheelchairs has been installed outside the entrance to the left side.

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Errors and Improvements:

"unchange" -> "stability"
Explanation: "Unchange" is not standard English. "Stability" better communicates the idea of no change occurring in those rooms.
"lead" -> "led"
Explanation: "Lead" is the present tense of the verb, whereas "led" is the past tense, which is needed here to convey the action that has already occurred.
"gallery shop" -> "boutique"
Explanation: "Gallery shop" is somewhat pedestrian; "boutique" adds a more sophisticated and elegant touch to the description.
"demonstration" -> "diagram"
Explanation: "Demonstration" refers to showing or explaining something, while "diagram" is more appropriate for visual representations, aligning better with the context of the essay.
"galley office" -> "gallery office"
Explanation: "Galley" refers to a kitchen on a ship, while "gallery" is the correct term for an art gallery office.
"Last but not least" -> "Finally"
Explanation: "Finally" is a more concise and formal transition phrase to introduce the last point in the essay, avoiding cliché language.
"outside the entrance to the left side" -> "on the left side outside the entrance"
Explanation: Rearranging the prepositional phrase to "on the left side outside the entrance" clarifies the location of the wheelchair ramp more effectively.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by describing the changes in the art gallery ground floor from 2015 to the present. It provides some details about the modifications, such as the relocation of the stairs and the conversion of the cafe into a gallery shop. However, the overview is somewhat lacking, and there is a tendency to focus more on specific details rather than presenting a clear summary of the changes. Additionally, there are some inaccuracies and unclear descriptions, such as mentioning the destruction of the gallery office when it was actually replaced by a vending machine.
How to improve:
To improve, focus on providing a clearer overview of the main changes without getting bogged down in unnecessary details. Ensure that the information provided is accurate and relevant to the task, avoiding confusing or misleading statements. Try to maintain a more organized structure in presenting the information to enhance coherence and clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are notable shortcomings in coherence and cohesion. The essay lacks overall progression as it jumps between describing unchanged areas and modified areas without a clear structure. Additionally, there are inconsistencies in the use of cohesive devices, leading to some confusion for the reader. The essay also lacks clear paragraphing, as it transitions abruptly between different aspects of the changes without logical breaks.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay should focus on providing a clear and logical progression of information. This can be achieved by organizing the content in a structured manner, perhaps by first describing the unchanged areas before moving on to the modified ones. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices should be more consistent and appropriate throughout the essay to help guide the reader through the information. Finally, adopting a clearer paragraph structure with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the changes would enhance readability and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some attempts to vary word choice but with repetitive and basic vocabulary use. There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation throughout the essay, such as "unchange" instead of "unchanged," "lead" instead of "led," "demonstration" instead of "diagram," "galley" instead of "gallery," and "temporay" instead of "temporary." These errors, along with some awkward phrasing ("the unchange of three rooms," "moved some distance," "changed into the gallery shop and is smaller than before"), hinder the clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve:
To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, avoiding repetitive words and phrases. They should also work on improving their spelling and word formation accuracy. Reading more academic texts and practicing writing with a focus on varied vocabulary and accurate spelling can help enhance the lexical resource of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures and some complex sentences, but there are notable inaccuracies and errors throughout. The essay struggles with maintaining consistent grammatical accuracy, leading to comprehension difficulties in some areas. Punctuation errors are frequent, and there are issues with sentence clarity and cohesion.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Aim for a wider range of sentence structures, including complex sentences, to demonstrate grammatical flexibility and variety.
Accuracy: Pay close attention to grammar rules and ensure accuracy in sentence construction. Review common grammatical issues and work on correcting them.
Punctuation: Practice using punctuation correctly, particularly commas and periods, to enhance clarity and coherence.
Clarity and Cohesion: Work on improving the overall flow and organization of ideas to ensure the essay is coherent and easy to follow. Use transitions effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams depict the changes that occurred on the ground floor of the art gallery between 2015 and the present day.

Overall, significant alterations have taken place, encompassing the appearances, relocations, and transformations of various features. The most prominent change is the removal of the gallery office.

Examining the details, it is evident that three rooms, namely exhibition rooms 1, 2, and 3, remain unchanged on the right side of the map. However, adjacent to exhibition room 3 on the left side, notable differences emerge. The stairs have been relocated slightly to the left, resulting in the construction of a lift in the space to the right of the stairs. Additionally, at the top left corner, the café has been replaced by a smaller gallery shop.

Conversely, at the center of the layout, the receptionist area and entrance hall have been relocated closer to the entrance. Furthermore, exhibition room 4 has been replaced by two separate rooms: a temporary exhibition area and a children’s area. Moreover, the gallery office has been demolished to accommodate a vending machine. Lastly, a wheelchair ramp has been installed outside the entrance on the left side.

In summary, these modifications reflect a significant transformation in the layout and functionality of the art gallery’s ground floor over the specified time period.