The maps below show the layouts of nature Museum between 2010 and 2013.

The maps illustrate the development of the nature Museum from 2010 and 2013.

Overall, the museum structure has undergone significant changes and become a much more entertaining area with some new locations.

Looking at the maps in more detail, in the southwest, the dinosaur exhibition and the lobby hall, where the customers were able to buy tickets, were kept intact. Although the ocean hall remained unchanged in the position of being behind the lobby, it was expanded to have a similar width to the lobby. Furthermore, to the northwest of the museum, the area called ice age with a small insect showcase appeared and replaced the mammals area.

Evidently, the exhibition theme mammals was relocated to the east of the museum and built in the place of a garden, making the arrangements become more connective and logical . In particular, visitors can approach the new room regarding human history and evolution beside just animals. In addition, some facilities involving a store and a cafe in the southeast were erected to serve visitors with leisure purposes.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the nature Museum" -> "the natural history museum"
Explanation: "Nature Museum" is vague and informal. "Natural History Museum" is the correct term, which is more specific and appropriate for an academic context.
"entertaining area" -> "more engaging environment"
Explanation: The term "entertaining" may imply a focus on amusement rather than education, which is not suitable for a museum. "Engaging environment" better conveys the idea of an interactive and stimulating space for visitors.
"some new locations" -> "several new exhibits"
Explanation: "Some new locations" is vague and imprecise. "Several new exhibits" specifies the type of changes made, enhancing clarity and formality.
"Looking at the maps in more detail," -> "Upon closer examination of the maps"
Explanation: "Looking at the maps in more detail" is conversational and lacks formality. "Upon closer examination of the maps" is more formal and academically appropriate.
"customers were able to buy tickets" -> "visitors could purchase tickets"
Explanation: "Customers" is less formal and typically used in commercial contexts. "Visitors" is more appropriate for a museum setting, and "could purchase" is a more formal expression than "were able to buy."
"it was expanded to have a similar width to the lobby" -> "it was enlarged to match the width of the lobby"
Explanation: "Expanded" is somewhat informal and vague. "Enlarged" is more precise and formal, and "match the width of the lobby" clarifies the extent of the change.
"the area called ice age with a small insect showcase appeared" -> "the ‘Ice Age’ area with a small insect exhibit emerged"
Explanation: "Area called ice age" is awkward and informal. "Area" should be capitalized as "Ice Age" for proper noun usage, and "exhibit" is the correct term for a display in a museum context.
"the exhibition theme mammals" -> "the mammal exhibition"
Explanation: "Exhibition theme mammals" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "The mammal exhibition" is grammatically correct and more natural.
"making the arrangements become more connective and logical" -> "resulting in a more cohesive and logical layout"
Explanation: "Making the arrangements become more connective and logical" is awkward and informal. "Resulting in a more cohesive and logical layout" is more formal and clearly describes the outcome of the changes.
"visitors can approach the new room regarding human history and evolution beside just animals" -> "visitors can access the new room focusing on human history and evolution, in addition to animal exhibits"
Explanation: "Approach the new room regarding" is informal and unclear. "Access the new room focusing on" is more precise and formal, and "in addition to animal exhibits" clarifies the inclusion of animals in the exhibits.
"some facilities involving a store and a cafe" -> "the addition of a store and cafe"
Explanation: "Some facilities involving" is vague and informal. "The addition of" specifies the nature of the changes and is more formal.
"serve visitors with leisure purposes" -> "serve visitors for leisure purposes"
Explanation: "Serve visitors with leisure purposes" is grammatically incorrect. "Serve visitors for leisure purposes" corrects the preposition and enhances the formality of the statement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay covers the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main changes to the museum layout. The essay clearly presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but could be more fully extended. For example, the essay could have provided more detail about the changes to the Ocean Hall and the Ice Age area.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detail about the changes to the museum layout. For example, the essay could have stated that the Ocean Hall was expanded to the same width as the lobby, or that the Ice Age area was created by replacing the Mammals area. The essay could also have provided more specific information about the new facilities, such as the shop and cafe.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the details about the museum’s changes. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity. Overall, the essay meets the basic requirements for coherence and cohesion but lacks the sophistication and precision found in higher band scores.

How to improve: To enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Improve Logical Flow: Ensure that related ideas are grouped together in paragraphs to enhance clarity and logical progression. For instance, discussing all changes in one area before moving to another could help maintain focus.
Use a Wider Range of Cohesive Devices: Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas more fluidly. This could include using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through the changes.
Clarify Referencing: Make sure that references to previous ideas or sections are clear and precise, avoiding ambiguity. For example, instead of saying "the exhibition theme mammals," it could be clearer to specify "the mammals exhibition."
Enhance Paragraph Structure: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences within the paragraph support that topic. This will help in presenting a more organized response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It attempts to use some less common vocabulary, such as "exhibition theme" and "evolved," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the arrangements become more connective and logical." Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "involving a store and a cafe" which could be more clearly expressed. Overall, while the communication is generally effective, the occasional inaccuracies and errors prevent it from achieving a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision. This includes selecting more appropriate synonyms and ensuring correct collocations. Additionally, practicing spelling and word formation can help reduce errors. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures would also contribute to a more polished and advanced lexical presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, they do not significantly impede communication. The writer shows an understanding of the task and conveys the main ideas effectively, but the range of grammatical structures is somewhat limited, and there are noticeable errors that could be improved.

How to improve:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to enhance the grammatical range. This could include more subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings.
Proofreading for Errors: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical and punctuation errors. For example, phrases like "the arrangements become more connective and logical" could be rephrased for clarity and correctness.
Use of Linking Words: Improve cohesion by using a greater variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. This will help in creating a more coherent flow throughout the essay.
Practice Complex Structures: Focus on practicing the use of more complex grammatical structures, such as conditionals and passive voice, to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical control.

Bài sửa mẫu

The maps illustrate the development of the Nature Museum from 2010 to 2013.

Overall, the museum structure has undergone significant changes, transforming into a much more entertaining area with several new features.

Looking at the maps in more detail, in the southwest, the dinosaur exhibition and the lobby hall, where customers could buy tickets, remained intact. Although the ocean hall retained its position behind the lobby, it was expanded to match the width of the lobby. Furthermore, to the northwest of the museum, an area called the Ice Age, along with a small insect showcase, replaced the former mammals area.

Evidently, the mammals exhibition was relocated to the east of the museum, constructed in the space previously occupied by a garden, making the layout more cohesive and logical. In particular, visitors can now access a new room dedicated to human history and evolution, in addition to the animal exhibits. Additionally, some facilities, including a store and a café in the southeast, were established to serve visitors for leisure purposes.