The pie charts below show the advantages and disadvantages of Fairmont island, according to a survey of visitors.

The provided pie charts illustrate the tourist's survey of Fairmount island for the four common pros and cons.
Overall, it can be observed from the charts that the first common benefit is the local people on the island,whereas the majority drawback is the high cost of living.
To begin, the people anh scenery became the most favourite upsides in Fairmount island, About 40% and 37%, respectively, are loved by tourists and chosen as good places to visit.It is followed by the good accommodation and culture, in which both have relatively close numbers at around 12%.
On other hand, the cost of living initially dominates the most and then drops by half. The next downside were weather and entertainment that are not popular with everyone, attracting only 20% and 30% respectively. The quality of food is the worst on the archipelago compared to other places.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the tourist’s survey" -> "the tourist survey"
Explanation: The possessive form "tourist’s" is unnecessary here; "tourist survey" is more concise and accurately conveys the intended meaning.
"the first common benefit" -> "the primary benefit"
Explanation: "Primary" is a more formal and precise term than "first common," which can be vague in an academic context.
"the majority drawback" -> "the primary drawback"
Explanation: Similar to the previous change, "primary" is more appropriate than "majority" in this context, as it indicates the most significant issue without implying a numerical majority.
"the people anh scenery became the most favourite upsides" -> "the local population and scenery emerged as the most favored advantages"
Explanation: "Local population" is more precise than "the people," and "emerged" is a more formal verb choice. "Favored advantages" maintains an academic tone while avoiding the informal "most favourite upsides."
"are loved by tourists and chosen as good places to visit" -> "are favored by tourists as desirable destinations"
Explanation: "Favored" is a more formal term than "loved," and "desirable destinations" is more precise than "good places to visit."
"On other hand" -> "On the other hand"
Explanation: The phrase requires the definite article "the" for grammatical correctness.
"initially dominates the most and then drops by half" -> "initially dominates but subsequently decreases significantly"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is more formal than "then," and "decreases significantly" provides a clearer and more precise description than "drops by half."
"The next downside were weather and entertainment that are not popular with everyone" -> "The subsequent drawbacks include weather and entertainment, which are not universally appreciated"
Explanation: "Subsequent drawbacks" is more formal than "next downside," and "universally appreciated" is a more precise phrase than "not popular with everyone."
"The quality of food is the worst on the archipelago compared to other places" -> "The quality of food is inferior on the archipelago relative to other locations"
Explanation: "Inferior" is a more formal and precise term than "the worst," and "relative to other locations" maintains an academic tone while clarifying the comparison.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends or differences in the data. The essay also presents key features/bullet points, but they are not adequately covered. For example, the essay states that the cost of living is the most dominant disadvantage, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made about the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could state that the cost of living is the most dominant disadvantage because it accounts for 45% of the disadvantages, while the next most dominant disadvantage, entertainment, only accounts for 30%. The essay could also be improved by using more appropriate language. For example, instead of saying "the people and scenery became the most favourite upsides," the essay could say "the people and scenery were the most popular attractions."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to address the advantages and disadvantages of Fairmont Island, the structure is somewhat disjointed, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, such as "On other hand," which should be "On the other hand." Additionally, there are instances of repetition and unclear referencing, particularly when discussing percentages without clear transitions. Paragraphing is attempted but is not always logical or effective.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring the essay with distinct paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic will improve clarity. Additionally, refining sentence structures to avoid mechanical phrasing and ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth will contribute to a more logically organized response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main ideas regarding the advantages and disadvantages of Fairmont Island, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "the people anh scenery" (should be "and scenery") and "the most favourite upsides" (which could be more naturally expressed). Additionally, there are issues with spelling and punctuation that may cause some difficulty for the reader, such as "initially dominates the most and then drops by half," which lacks clarity.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure that word choices are precise and appropriate for the context. Additionally, improving spelling and grammatical accuracy will help in conveying the message more clearly. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors (e.g., "the tourist’s survey," "the people anh scenery became") and issues with punctuation (e.g., missing commas) can cause difficulty for the reader. Additionally, the use of terms like "upsides" and "the worst on the archipelago" lacks clarity and precision, which detracts from overall communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate more complex sentence structures, such as relative clauses and conditional sentences, to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical forms.
Proofreading: Carefully check for spelling and punctuation errors to ensure clarity and accuracy in communication.
Use of Appropriate Vocabulary: Replace informal or vague terms with more precise language to improve clarity and coherence.
Practice Complex Structures: Engage in exercises that focus on using subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings to improve overall grammatical control.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts illustrate the results of a survey conducted among tourists regarding the advantages and disadvantages of Fairmont Island. Overall, it can be observed from the charts that the most common benefit is the local people on the island, whereas the primary drawback is the high cost of living.

To begin, the people and scenery are the most favored aspects of Fairmont Island, with approximately 40% and 37% of tourists selecting them as positive attributes, respectively. This is followed by good accommodation and culture, both of which have relatively close figures at around 12%.

On the other hand, the cost of living initially stands out as the most significant disadvantage but then decreases by half. The next downsides are the weather and entertainment options, which are not popular among all visitors, attracting only 20% and 30%, respectively. Lastly, the quality of food is considered the least favorable aspect of the archipelago compared to other locations.