The pie charts below show the different reasons for flight delays in a particular Asian country in 2015 and 2016.

The given pie charts illustrate the different causes for flight delays in a particular Asian nation between 2015 and 2016.
Overall, the airline operations management was the main reason leading to delayed air travels in both years. It is also noticeable that airport security and military factors were two reasons which had the least affection in 2015 and 2016 respectively.
In 2015, the flight was delayed by airline operations management with the highest percentage (40%), after which this figure rose to 46% in 2016. After the bad weather was the reason for flight delay with 21% in 2015, this figure increased to 23% in 2016. Furthermore, 25% was the proportion of reasons caused by air traffic control in 2015, followed by a downward trend with 12% in 2016.
The airport security only accounted for 4% in 2015, then it experienced a significant growth with 13% in 2016. The military factors which caused delayed flight made up for 10% and 6% in 2015 and 2016 respectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given pie charts illustrate" -> "The pie charts depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrate" in academic contexts, particularly when referring to visual representations like pie charts.
"different causes for flight delays" -> "various causes of flight delays"
Explanation: "Various" is more specific and formal than "different," and "of" is the correct preposition to use with "causes" in this context.
"the main reason leading to delayed air travels" -> "the primary cause of delayed air travel"
Explanation: "Primary cause" is more specific and academically appropriate than "main reason," and "of delayed air travel" is grammatically correct.
"least affection" -> "least significant"
Explanation: "Least affection" is incorrect and unclear; "least significant" correctly conveys the intended meaning of minimal impact.
"After the bad weather" -> "Following adverse weather conditions"
Explanation: "Adverse weather conditions" is a more precise and formal way to describe unfavorable weather, improving the academic tone.
"this figure rose to 46%" -> "this percentage increased to 46%"
Explanation: "Percentage" is the correct term to use when discussing numerical values in statistics, and "increased" is more formal than "rose."
"After" -> "Following"
Explanation: "Following" is more formal and suitable for academic writing than "after" in this context.
"After which this figure rose" -> "Subsequently, this percentage increased"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is a more formal transitional phrase, and "percentage" is the correct term for statistical data.
"After" -> "Following"
Explanation: Consistency in formality and style is maintained by replacing "After" with "Following."
"After bad weather was the reason" -> "Following adverse weather conditions"
Explanation: "Following adverse weather conditions" is a more formal and precise way to introduce the cause.
"25% was the proportion of reasons caused by" -> "25% represented the proportion of delays attributed to"
Explanation: "Represented" is more precise and formal than "was," and "attributed to" is the correct phrase for causality in academic writing.
"downward trend" -> "decline"
Explanation: "Decline" is a more precise and formal term than "downward trend" in statistical analysis.
"The airport security only accounted for" -> "Airport security accounted for"
Explanation: Removing "only" improves the formality and clarity of the statement.
"it experienced a significant growth" -> "it experienced significant growth"
Explanation: "Significant growth" is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone.
"The military factors which caused delayed flight" -> "Military factors that caused flight delays"
Explanation: "That" is the correct relative pronoun, and "flight delays" is the correct noun form.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the main trends in flight delays in the two years. The essay also presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the airport security only accounted for 4% in 2015, then it experienced a significant growth with 13% in 2016," but this is not a significant growth. The essay also states that "the military factors which caused delayed flight made up for 10% and 6% in 2015 and 2016 respectively," but this is not a significant decrease.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the most significant trends and providing more accurate data. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language and avoiding unnecessary repetition. For example, instead of saying "the flight was delayed by airline operations management with the highest percentage (40%), after which this figure rose to 46% in 2016," the essay could say "airline operations management was the most common reason for flight delays, accounting for 40% of delays in 2015 and 46% in 2016."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from one point to another. However, while it uses cohesive devices effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the transitions between the different causes of flight delays could be clearer. The central topic of each paragraph is identifiable, but the lack of varied cohesive devices and some awkward phrasing detracts from the overall coherence.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more fluidly. For instance, instead of simply stating percentages, you could use phrases like "In contrast," or "Conversely," to highlight changes between years.
Improve Paragraph Structure: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and flows logically from one idea to the next. Consider grouping similar causes together or discussing them in a more comparative manner.
Clarify References: Make sure that references to previous points are clear and unambiguous, which will help in maintaining a smooth flow of ideas.
Vary Sentence Structure: Incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to enhance readability and engagement.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It attempts to use some less common vocabulary, such as "affection" and "experienced a significant growth," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the highest percentage" and "made up for." Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation that do not impede communication, but they do detract from the overall lexical quality. The vocabulary used is generally clear and allows for a basic understanding of the data presented, but it lacks the sophistication and precision required for a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices. Incorporating synonyms and varied expressions to describe the data would improve fluency and flexibility. Additionally, reviewing and correcting any spelling and word formation errors will help to achieve clearer communication. Finally, practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions can elevate the overall lexical sophistication of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some errors in grammar and punctuation. While the overall communication is clear, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical inaccuracies that detract from the overall effectiveness. For example, phrases like "after the bad weather was the reason for flight delay" are not structured correctly and could confuse the reader. Additionally, the use of "affection" instead of "impact" or "effect" is inappropriate in this context.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on improving sentence structure and clarity. This can be achieved by practicing more complex sentence forms and ensuring that all phrases are grammatically correct. Additionally, proofreading for common grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can help to reduce mistakes and improve overall fluency. Engaging with a wider variety of grammatical structures in writing exercises will also contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given pie charts illustrate the different causes of flight delays in a particular Asian nation between 2015 and 2016. Overall, airline operations management was the primary reason for delayed air travel in both years. It is also notable that airport security and military factors were the two reasons that had the least impact in 2015 and 2016, respectively.

In 2015, flight delays due to airline operations management accounted for the highest percentage at 40%, which rose to 46% in 2016. Bad weather was the second reason for flight delays, with 21% in 2015, increasing to 23% in 2016. Furthermore, air traffic control was responsible for 25% of delays in 2015, followed by a downward trend to 12% in 2016.

Airport security only accounted for 4% in 2015, but experienced significant growth to 13% in 2016. Military factors contributed to delays, making up 10% in 2015 and decreasing to 6% in 2016.