The pie charts detail the rationales for immigration to and emigration from the UK in 2007. Please selecting and reporting the main feature and makes comparison where possible

The pie charts show the percentage of various categories in terms of reasons for immigration and emigration in the UK in 2007.
Overall, the majority of immigrants and emigrants chose to relocate for definite jobs. While more people immigrated to attend formal study, that was the least field of interest in the UK.
Having looked at the pie charts for more details, it is clear that the proportion of migrants in the UK for definite jobs was approximately the same, taking up a third. The opposite pattern can be seen in the figures for formal study, while 26 percent of people moved to the UK to attain a better education, just under one-tenth emigrated to study abroad. Notably, looking for work was the reason for 22 percent of emigration which was higher than 10 percent for those who went to the UK for that reason. The figures for no reason stated were 18 percent of migration which tripled the proportion of immigrants. The other two categories remained stable, registering under a third in total.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pie charts show the percentage of various categories" -> "The pie charts illustrate the distribution of various categories"
Explanation: "Illustrate" is more precise than "show" in academic contexts, as it suggests a more detailed and analytical presentation of data.
"in terms of reasons for immigration and emigration" -> "regarding the reasons for immigration and emigration"
Explanation: "Regarding" is more formal and precise than "in terms of," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"the majority of immigrants and emigrants chose to relocate for definite jobs" -> "the majority of immigrants and emigrants relocated for specific employment opportunities"
Explanation: "Relocated for specific employment opportunities" is more formal and specific than "chose to relocate for definite jobs," which is somewhat informal and imprecise.
"that was the least field of interest" -> "which was the least popular field"
Explanation: "Which was the least popular field" is more specific and avoids the informal tone of "least field of interest."
"Having looked at the pie charts for more details" -> "Upon examining the pie charts in greater detail"
Explanation: "Upon examining the pie charts in greater detail" is more formal and precise, avoiding the casual tone of "Having looked at."
"the proportion of migrants in the UK for definite jobs was approximately the same" -> "the proportion of migrants in the UK for specific employment was roughly equivalent"
Explanation: "Roughly equivalent" is more precise and formal than "approximately the same," and "specific employment" is more formal than "definite jobs."
"Notably, looking for work was the reason for 22 percent of emigration" -> "Notably, seeking employment was the reason for 22% of emigration"
Explanation: "Seeking employment" is a more formal expression than "looking for work," and using a percent sign is more precise than writing out the percentage.
"which was higher than 10 percent for those who went to the UK for that reason" -> "which exceeded the 10% for those who migrated for this reason"
Explanation: "Exceeded" is more precise and formal than "was higher than," and "migrated" is more specific than "went to the UK."
"The figures for no reason stated were 18 percent of migration" -> "The figures for unspecified reasons accounted for 18% of migration"
Explanation: "Accounted for" is more formal and precise than "were," and "unspecified reasons" is more specific than "no reason stated."
"The other two categories remained stable, registering under a third in total" -> "The remaining categories remained stable, comprising less than a third of the total"
Explanation: "Comprising less than a third of the total" is more formal and precise than "registering under a third in total," which is somewhat informal and vague.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main features of the pie charts. The essay also makes some comparisons between the two charts. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay states that "the proportion of migrants in the UK for definite jobs was approximately the same, taking up a third" but does not provide any further details about this.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more details about the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could state that "the proportion of migrants in the UK for definite jobs was approximately the same, taking up a third, with 30% of immigrants and 29% of emigrants citing this as their reason for moving." The essay could also be improved by providing more comparisons between the two charts. For example, the essay could state that "while 26 percent of people moved to the UK to attain a better education, just under one-tenth emigrated to study abroad." This would help to highlight the key differences between the two charts.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression. The main features of the pie charts are identified, and comparisons are made between immigration and emigration reasons. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where the referencing could be clearer. The paragraphing is present but lacks some logical organization, particularly in the transition between ideas.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively. This includes varying the use of linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically flows from one to the next will improve overall organization. Finally, refining the referencing of categories and figures will help clarify the relationships between different pieces of information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, allowing for clear communication of the main features of the pie charts. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "proportion," "emigrants," and "attain," but inaccuracies and awkward phrasing are present (e.g., "that was the least field of interest"). Some errors in word choice and collocation are noticeable, such as "the opposite pattern can be seen" which could be more clearly articulated. Additionally, there are minor spelling and grammatical errors that do not impede understanding but do detract from the overall quality.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary with more precision and sophistication. This includes practicing the use of less common lexical items in appropriate contexts and ensuring correct collocations. Additionally, reducing errors in spelling and word formation will help improve clarity. Engaging with a broader range of texts can also help in acquiring more varied vocabulary and expressions.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, demonstrating a reasonable level of grammatical range. However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation that occasionally affect clarity, such as awkward phrasing and incorrect word choices. For instance, phrases like "that was the least field of interest" are unclear and could confuse the reader. Overall, while the communication is generally effective, the presence of these errors prevents a higher score.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures for clarity and coherence. This includes ensuring that complex sentences are constructed correctly and that word choices are appropriate for the context. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes can help improve overall accuracy. Expanding the variety of sentence structures used can also contribute to a higher score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie charts illustrate the percentages of various categories regarding the reasons for immigration to and emigration from the UK in 2007.

Overall, the majority of both immigrants and emigrants relocated for definite jobs. While a larger number of people immigrated to pursue formal studies, this was the least common reason for emigration from the UK.

Upon examining the pie charts in more detail, it is evident that the proportion of migrants in the UK for definite jobs was approximately the same, accounting for about one-third of the total. In contrast, the figures for formal study show a different trend; 26 percent of individuals moved to the UK for educational purposes, whereas just under one-tenth emigrated to study abroad. Notably, seeking work was the reason for 22 percent of emigration, which was higher than the 10 percent of immigrants who relocated for this purpose. The percentage of migrants who stated "no reason" was 18 percent, which was three times the proportion of immigrants in this category. The other two categories remained relatively stable, collectively accounting for under one-third of the total.