The pie charts show the reasons people in Great Britain had for visiting art museums in the years 1990 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts show the reasons people in Great Britain had for visiting art museums in the years 1990 and 2000.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts depict the purpose for visiting art museums of the Great British in 1990 and 2000. Overall, it is evident that the number of people going to art museums for most reasons increased gradually over time, except for filling their travel schedules which had a decreasing number of museum visitors. Upon closer examination, one can see that there was little change in the volume of people paying a visit to art museums because of learning and gaining knowledge, which remained nearly a half of the chart. Besides, the volume of people visiting art museums to attend a special exhibit and to spend time with friends and family equaled to each other, which rose slightly together after 10 years. The quantity of museum visitors for buying art also grew from 1 percent in 1990 to 5 percent in 2000. Like the first reason, other purposes experienced relatively no fluctuation over the 10-year period. In contrast, the proportion of filling their travel schedules as a reason roughly halved to 12 percent in 2000.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pie charts depict" -> "The pie charts illustrate"
Explanation: "Illustrate" is a more precise and formal term than "depict" in the context of presenting data in charts, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"the purpose for visiting" -> "the reasons for visiting"
Explanation: "Reasons" is the plural form required when discussing multiple purposes, and it is more specific and formal than "purpose" in this context.
"the Great British" -> "British citizens"
Explanation: "The Great British" is an informal and somewhat archaic term. "British citizens" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.
"going to art museums for most reasons" -> "visiting art museums for the majority of reasons"
Explanation: "Visiting" is more specific than "going," and "the majority of reasons" is more precise and formal than "most reasons."
"increased gradually" -> "increased steadily"
Explanation: "Steadily" is a more precise term that conveys a consistent and gradual increase, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"had a decreasing number of museum visitors" -> "saw a decline in the number of museum visitors"
Explanation: "Saw a decline" is more specific and academically appropriate than "had a decreasing number," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"paying a visit to" -> "visiting"
Explanation: "Visiting" is more direct and formal than "paying a visit to," which is somewhat colloquial.
"equaled to each other" -> "equaled each other"
Explanation: "Equaled" is the correct form when comparing quantities, and removing "to" improves the grammatical correctness of the sentence.
"rose slightly together" -> "increased slightly concurrently"
Explanation: "Increased concurrently" is more precise and formal, better fitting the academic style than "rose slightly together."
"grew from 1 percent in 1990 to 5 percent in 2000" -> "increased from 1 percent in 1990 to 5 percent in 2000"
Explanation: "Increased" is more appropriate in this context than "grew," which can imply growth in a more organic or natural sense, which is less precise.
"Like the first reason" -> "Similarly, the first reason"
Explanation: "Similarly" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "like," which is too informal and conversational.
"experienced relatively no fluctuation" -> "experienced little fluctuation"
Explanation: "Little fluctuation" is a more concise and formal way to express minimal change, avoiding the awkward construction "relatively no."
"roughly halved" -> "approximately halved"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise and formal than "roughly," aligning better with academic standards.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, making it more suitable for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the increase in the number of people visiting art museums for most reasons, with the exception of filling their travel schedules. The essay also clearly presents and highlights key features, such as the significant proportion of people visiting for learning and gaining knowledge, and the increase in the number of people visiting to buy art. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more specific details about the changes in each category.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes in each category. For example, the essay could state that the proportion of people visiting art museums to attend a special exhibit increased from 12% in 1990 to 17% in 2000. The essay could also provide more specific information about the reasons why the number of people visiting art museums to fill their travel schedules decreased.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner with a clear overall progression. The main features of the pie charts are summarized, and comparisons are made where relevant. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where the referencing could be clearer. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, which affects the overall clarity of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth. Additionally, organizing the information into distinct paragraphs that clearly separate different aspects of the data would improve logical flow. Clarifying references to the data (e.g., specifying "the proportion of visitors" instead of "the volume of people") would also strengthen the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the Great British" instead of "the British" and "the volume of people" which could be better expressed as "the number of people." Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "equaled to" which should be "equaled" or "was equal to." While these errors do not impede overall communication, they do detract from the clarity and precision expected at higher band levels.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure accurate word choice and collocation. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items in context can also help. Furthermore, reviewing and correcting spelling and word formation errors will contribute to a more polished essay. Engaging with high-quality writing samples can provide insights into effective vocabulary usage.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 performance. While the writer attempts to convey information clearly, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation that occasionally hinder communication. For instance, phrases like "the purpose for visiting art museums of the Great British" are awkwardly constructed, and there are issues with subject-verb agreement and word choice (e.g., "the volume of people" could be more accurately expressed as "the number of people"). Overall, the essay communicates the main features of the pie charts but does so with some grammatical inaccuracies that affect clarity.

How to improve:

Enhance Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider variety of complex sentence structures while ensuring they are grammatically correct. Practice combining clauses effectively to improve fluency.
Focus on Grammar: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Proofreading for common grammatical errors can help reduce mistakes.
Refine Vocabulary: Use more precise vocabulary to convey ideas clearly. For example, instead of "the volume of people," consider using "the number of visitors."
Punctuation Practice: Review punctuation rules to minimize errors. Correct punctuation can significantly enhance the readability of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie charts depict the purposes for visiting art museums among the Great British public in 1990 and 2000. Overall, it is evident that the number of people visiting art museums for most reasons increased gradually over time, except for filling their travel schedules, which saw a decrease in the number of visitors.

Upon closer examination, one can see that there was little change in the volume of people visiting art museums for learning and gaining knowledge, which remained nearly half of the chart. Additionally, the number of visitors attending special exhibits and spending time with friends and family was equal, with both categories rising slightly over the ten-year period. The proportion of museum visitors for buying art also grew from 1 percent in 1990 to 5 percent in 2000. Similar to the first reason, other purposes experienced relatively little fluctuation over the decade. In contrast, the proportion of those filling their travel schedules as a reason roughly halved to 12 percent in 2000.